# Help Me Help My Timid Assistant **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2015, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360 "2015-11-01T20:30:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2015, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/81 "2015-11-04T21:30:36Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > **LSLGuy, Urbanredneck and Ascenray** : > > Are you guys for real? > > Do you think we’d actually let her go without making the issues clear and giving her copious chances and tools to improve? …well based on your previous posts in this thread no you did not make this clear. At all. Someone even asked “Does she know her job is on the line?” and you didn’t answer him. So please don’t get all up in arms at us for giving you our humble opinions in a forum explicitly for giving our humble opinions based on the information that you gave us and not the information that you didn’t. > [@](#): > > She’s had: > > - 2 formal sit-downs with me > - A formal sit-down with Guy#3 where he let her know that improvement was necessary to stay. > - Plenty of informal and on-the-spot correction and dialogue about things that need to be fixed. > - Assignment of a mandatory task management system > - Daily meetings with me to go over task management and prioritization > - Clear direction on tasks and standards. Most of this is written (emailed) for clarity and reference, and acknowledgement and apologies from me and the other team members when we’ve been unclear or wrong. > > She has been “told exactly how bad she is failing.” > She has enough information to make “a valid decision about quitting.” > She “really understands in a concrete way what your expectations are, that she is seriously failing to meet them…” > > What more do you want? That you could have mentioned this earlier in the thread? You’ve got a problem employee, you’ve taken numerous steps to correct their behaviour and nothing has worked. If you had have included that information somewhere in this thread then maybe people would not have started forming the opinion that you are “being shy and sensitive and passive aggressive.” Having said that: we can’t actually judge how well you actually communicated “how bad she is failing”. After all you didn’t do a very good job communicating with us. If after all of what you’ve just said you have done “the guys are starting to wonder whether Jane is a good fit for the job” and you at this stage are “not sure she’s an ideal fit” then I really don’t know what to say. > [@](#): > > I think she would have told me, but I will inquire. …and when you inquired, what did you discover? Why did you think she would have told you? She is “timid” after all. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2015, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/82 "2015-11-04T22:49:57Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > She’s been told and told and told. > . . . > > If it was the ONLY incident like that, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but it’s just one of many instances of failure to think critically. > . . . > > Another one came today…oy. He did say she’s been told. As you have known her for a while, and wish her well for the long run, I strongly advise encouraging (even helping?) her to get involved with Toastmasters International. Those folks have an excellent system and incredibly supportive atmosphere for helping people overcome their shyness. I recommend it to anyone who has assertiveness issues. Pay her first years’ dues (I think it’s only $75 or something) and go with her to the first 2-3 meetings. Then turn her over to them. In the mean time, remember that the worst thing you can do to a person with self-esteem issues is leave them in a failing situation. She needs to find her element for success, and it ain’t your office. She’d be far better off with a true temp agency, trying this office and that, until she finds a good fit. Plenty of jobs involve quiet offices with gentle environments. Corporate law is not her venue. Help her think through what industries might work better for her. A small counseling office, perhaps, or a spa. There are a million businesses that need office managers. Push her strong points (err . . . what were they?) and encourage her to match them with the right job. Again, something a good temp agency excels in. And in the mean time, don’t hold her hand. Her duties are hers, and she either fulfills them or not. “You need to get this done.” and “Here’s how to approach it, let me know when it’s complete.” are the kinds of motivators that will help her confront her own demons. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2015, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/83 "2015-11-04T23:52:36Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > As you have known her for a while, and wish her well for the long run, I strongly advise encouraging (even helping?) her to get involved with Toastmasters International. Those folks have an excellent system and incredibly supportive atmosphere for helping people overcome their shyness. I recommend it to anyone who has assertiveness issues. Laughing my butt off here! \*\*THAT’S WHERE I MET HER!!! \*\*:D:D It’s one of the reasons I’m so surprised at her incredible timidness in this environment. I know she’s a bit nervous before speaking, but it barely shows when she’s up there. She just completed her CC-10. She does Table Topics and evaluations and all sorts of other stuff without breaking a sweat. She was on the board. She’s my go-to for advice and feedback about my own stuff because she’s a really savvy commentator and critic and is not wishy-washy in what she says. People from our group go out most every week after the meeting, and she’s not timid in normal social interaction. I was impressed enough to bring her in as my assistant! My admiration for her has actually grown throughout this whole process. This has all been way harder on her than on the rest of us, but she just keeps on trying, and keeps a good attitude. She’s a real trouper, and will certainly find success in the right environment. Today was really smooth overall. I have no idea if Guy#3 addressed the issue with Chief, and I’m not going to ask him about it for at least a couple of days. I trust Guy#3 to handle it in whatever way is best for all of us. p.s. to several folks - I’m a she-Bean ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2015, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/84 "2015-11-05T00:23:46Z")
Again, it may be related to her role. I always thought I was shy at work, until the day that I got some actual authority. It turns out that I’m not shy when I have some credibility to back myself up. But I’m not great at navigating organizations when I am a clear subordinate. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2015, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/85 "2015-11-05T05:43:24Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > **LSLGuy, Urbanredneck and Ascenray** : > > Temps/contractors do have the carrot of a real job. The company regularly hires them full-time positions, whether they’re through an agency or not. That’s how I wound up here in a job I love. > > They also use a higher-end agency, not some downmarket clearinghouse like Manpower or Kelly who treat their temps as disposable. They’d rather pay for better people, and it’s an effective way for them to find permanent employees who might not have had a shot through the traditional channels. Temps/contractors are also paid decently and treated well, and their work is valued by the company. > > Having worked for bad agencies and in bad positions myself, I understand why you might have such a negative view, but there is a lot of variation in the world of temping. I’m sorry you had a bad experience. Again, I have to apologize. My experience working as a temp is thru another agency. Kelly was one of them. They treated temps like crap and dangled this carrot of “temp to perm” in front of us but nobody ever seemed to make perm. I’m not familiar with other types of temp agencies like you use. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2015, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360/86 "2015-11-05T15:05:49Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Laughing my butt off here! \*\*THAT’S WHERE I MET HER!!! \*\*:D:D > > It’s one of the reasons I’m so surprised at her incredible timidness in this environment. I know she’s a bit nervous before speaking, but it barely shows when she’s up there. She just completed her CC-10. She does Table Topics and evaluations and all sorts of other stuff without breaking a sweat. She was on the board. She’s my go-to for advice and feedback about my own stuff because she’s a really savvy commentator and critic and is not wishy-washy in what she says. People from our group go out most every week after the meeting, and she’s not timid in normal social interaction. I was impressed enough to bring her in as my assistant! > > My admiration for her has actually grown throughout this whole process. This has all been way harder on her than on the rest of us, but she just keeps on trying, and keeps a good attitude. She’s a real trouper, and will certainly find success in the right environment. > > Today was really smooth overall. I have no idea if Guy#3 addressed the issue with Chief, and I’m not going to ask him about it for at least a couple of days. I trust Guy#3 to handle it in whatever way is best for all of us. > p.s. to several folks - I’m a she-Bean That’s hilarious. And also heartbreaking. What is it about the office environment then? My other suggestion would have been assertiveness training but. . . now I’m thinking professional counselor. Honestly, my Mother has a thing like this about offices and executives. She just can’t deal, despite having been married to a CEO. (Or maybe due to . . . ☹ ) at any rate, the mere thought of working in a business office reduces her to a scared sniveling six-year-old. The level of intimidation is just bizarre. She found success for a while though, working in the County schools. Maybe your friend needs something similar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-help-my-timid-assistant/736360.md?page=4)