# Help Me Name My Penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 3, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284 "2003-06-03T02:03:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Major\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Major\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Kong)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/1 "2003-06-03T02:03:41Z")
So, it has come to my attention that someone people name their penis. Mine, as yet has no name. While I feel giving a part of your a name a little dumb, I think my penis deserves a name. It might be nice to for my penis to have a name, so I could introduce my penis to women. Now, should my penis have a “normal” name like Eddy, Homer, or Jerry? Or should my penis have a name like The Hammer or Captain One Eye? Maybe a Biblican name like Moses? I would like some suggestions for a good name for my penis. This isn’t a poll (no pun intended) I just want some suggestions. ---
**Author:** ![Govindha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5fc32e/32.png) [@Govindha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Govindha)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/2 "2003-06-03T02:06:53Z")
How’s about not name it at all? Seriously, why bother? Introducing your penis by name to anyone is lame. Sure, some will find it funny, but naming your penis is as lame as knock knock jokes. Do yourself a favor, go have a drink and forget about this silly neanderthal quest of yours… ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/3 "2003-06-03T02:07:57Z")
Fluffy 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Junior\_Spaceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Junior\_Spaceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Junior_Spaceman)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/4 "2003-06-03T02:12:07Z")
The Little Liutenant ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/5 "2003-06-03T02:12:34Z")
Your screen name would totally work. Self-referential irony. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![teleute12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@teleute12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teleute12)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/6 "2003-06-03T02:14:47Z")
Guys are allowed to name their own penii? I was informed by a male friend of mine that naming is the privilege of whomever said guy is sleeping with. _shrug_ The process in general doesnt make much sense to me, anyways - I mean, I’m not going to name my poonanny regardless of how fond of it I am. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/7 "2003-06-03T02:19:21Z")
What? No one’s posted the obvious? Of cours you MUST name it… Wait for it… **Major Kong Dong**. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/8 "2003-06-03T02:24:11Z")
_Minor_ Kong? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/9 "2003-06-03T02:39:20Z")
I agree with the person who said to use your screen name. But if you absolutely don’t want to, “Private Kong” could work. Or “Seaman Kong”. Personally, I think my username would make a great name for my little friend. Er, did I say little? I meant gargantuan! right. What do you think, Blinky? ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/10 "2003-06-03T02:53:38Z")
Mini Me? Tiny? Cyclops? Eurethra Franklin? I’d suggest dropping the idea. ---
**Author:** ![lovelyluka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f475e1/32.png) [@lovelyluka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lovelyluka)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/11 "2003-06-03T03:39:12Z")
I can’t in good conscience offer any suggestions because I fear that you might actually _use_ them. Personally, I think that if you give it a name, you might actually feel compelled to use it whilst being intimate with a female… _recalls moment when boyfriend said, “And here’s someone who wants to see you…meet…Free Willy!”_ _shudder_ Don’t name it. ---
**Author:** ![Jonno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/12 "2003-06-03T04:10:18Z")
Gilligan. Your little buddy that gets into trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/13 "2003-06-03T04:39:55Z")
You should name it after a cartoon character: Ricochet Rabbit? Droopy Dog? Speedy Gonzales? Quick-Draw McGraw? ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/14 "2003-06-03T04:45:35Z")
Some of these involve more self-confidence than others. Tiny Tim (if uncircumcised) The Hooded Stranger The Bald Eagle Captain Blowhard Torpedo Bushy Banana ---
**Author:** ![Major\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Major\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Kong)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/15 "2003-06-03T04:53:43Z")
OK, I was kinda joking. But: > [@](#): > > _recalls moment when boyfriend said, “And here’s someone who wants to see you…meet…Free Willy!”_ Did you laugh at him? ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/16 "2003-06-03T05:29:56Z")
_sigh_ Name it, of course, **Pablo**. ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/17 "2003-06-03T05:59:58Z")
I’d keep it simple. **Jimmy** (and the twins) Or maybe **Long Dong McKong**? ---
**Author:** ![chattywine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@chattywine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chattywine)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/18 "2003-06-03T07:49:09Z")
Heywood Jablowme Saw the name here on SDMB somewhere tis a giggler. Ooh how bout Lil Elvis? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Loneraven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c0e974/32.png) [@Loneraven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loneraven)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/19 "2003-06-03T09:41:27Z")
And there’s me thinking **Major Kong** was a girl… ---
**Author:** ![jmpride62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@jmpride62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmpride62)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/20 "2003-06-03T10:15:34Z")
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