# Help Me Name My Penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 3, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284 "2003-06-03T02:03:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/21 "2003-06-03T10:43:50Z")
You already named it in the title to this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/22 "2003-06-03T10:48:16Z")
Rodney ---
**Author:** ![Dawne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Dawne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dawne)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/23 "2003-06-03T11:48:59Z")
I’ve yet to meet a guy who’s named it Herman. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/24 "2003-06-03T12:05:36Z")
With a military _nomen_ like **Major Kong** you should name it like a sword – you know, like Elric’s “Stormbringer”, or Lord of the Ring’s “Orcrist” and “Glamdring” (but not “Sting”). Quimslayer QuentRavisher (using Richard F. Burton’s “made-up” quasi-archaism) Bringer of the Little Death ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/25 "2003-06-03T12:27:08Z")
you do know why men name their penis? cos they want to be on a first name basis with the one making the decisions. Why not Richard? AKA Dick? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/26 "2003-06-03T12:34:43Z")
A friend of mine’s name is Simon. He named his Garfunkel. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/27 "2003-06-03T12:35:12Z")
Squirt ---
**Author:** ![Gotterfunken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58956e/32.png) [@Gotterfunken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gotterfunken)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/28 "2003-06-03T12:52:49Z")
Kenny? ---
**Author:** ![Siemsi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Siemsi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siemsi)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/29 "2003-06-03T13:21:29Z")
Omar The Tentmaker? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/30 "2003-06-03T13:26:57Z")
Destroyer of Worlds. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/31 "2003-06-03T14:26:40Z")
Everyone knows that in naming a man’s nether regions, you must first give it a title… Such as Mister, Captain, Little… Then for a name, any adjective ending in -y, as in Willy, Bippy, Wiggly, Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy, Wiggy, Jiggy, Floppy, Flopsy, Mopsy, or proper names such as Jimmy, Johnson or Nemo. So, Mr. Happy or Captain Nemo, the choice is up to you. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/32 "2003-06-03T14:42:53Z")
Ellen? ---
**Author:** ![rhinostylee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@rhinostylee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhinostylee)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/33 "2003-06-03T18:03:35Z")
Please do name your penis! I would be honored if you named your penis after me. My name is Ryan. Now I only hope that your penis does my name justice. Go forth and slay the womenfolk with your mighty Ryan. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/34 "2003-06-03T18:11:40Z")
**Venus** ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/35 "2003-06-03T18:52:00Z")
If you’re thinking about naming it Robert Richard Spartacus VIII, forget about it. its taken. And if you’re thinking about just using the short form (Sparky) I’ll have to kill you. No, I’m not kidding. I’m catholic- you know how we are with the names. ---
**Author:** ![lovelyluka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f475e1/32.png) [@lovelyluka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lovelyluka)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/36 "2003-06-03T19:04:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Major Kong \* > \*\*Did you laugh at him? \*\* Well, if nervous laughter counts… ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/37 "2003-06-03T19:23:30Z")
By all means name him. If you want women to laugh at your penis, that’s your buisness. BTW, IIRC if you want an archaicer plural than ‘penises’, ‘penes’ is correct as opposed to ‘penii’ What’s one eyed, hooded, and spits? Mysterious Pirate Profiled Viper umm… maybe this isn’t such a good idea… ---
**Author:** ![spinningplates](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7c8e57/32.png) [@spinningplates](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinningplates)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/38 "2003-06-03T19:35:06Z")
Oscar. Get it? _Oscar_! Aw, I crack me up… ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/39 "2003-06-03T20:37:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > \*\*A friend of mine’s name is Simon. > > He named his Garfunkel. \*\* If I were a penis owning person, and my name was Simon, this is exactly what I would name my equipment. What fun! ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284/40 "2003-06-03T20:57:42Z")
**DeVena** what exactly are you suggesting? I learnt from a Chinese freiend that they often refer to a man’s penis as little brother. Now according to another thread about men with older brothers that must mean that most penises are gay! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-name-my-penis/179284.md?page=3)