# Help me please -My willy does not work properly anymore - its been 5 years im 30 years old now **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 1, 2018, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680 "2018-01-01T09:18:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2018, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/21 "2018-01-01T23:24:50Z")
Termites? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2018, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/22 "2018-01-01T23:43:01Z")
Apparently something is broke. Have you checked out your mental state? Probably not, or you wouldn’t be here looking for answers, Sorry it was a dumb question. I vote; psychosomatic. See a shrink (No pun). ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/23 "2018-01-02T01:00:43Z")
You don’t need to come here for help with that; some days half the messages in my inbox are for various nostrums to make my boner bigger. I’d block the sender, but sometimes my wife needs me to pick up something on the way home. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/24 "2018-01-02T01:46:03Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > You don’t need to come here for help with that; some days half the messages in my inbox are for various nostrums to make my boner bigger. I’d block the sender, but sometimes my wife needs me to pick up something on the way home. I occasionally get e-mails for various things that are supposed to increase the size of my p3n1s. I don’t know what a p3n1s is, but it’s a pretty safe bet that I don’t have one. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/25 "2018-01-02T01:51:19Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > Stop with drugs & supplements. > Get regular outdoor exercise, & see an MD. > Not some pseudoscience quack. Your haiku has the wrong number of syllables. ---
**Author:** ![Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Backwater_Under_Duck)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/26 "2018-01-02T02:00:05Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > Little willy, willy won’t… Okay, that’s like completely in my head right now. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/27 "2018-01-02T03:23:20Z")
Welcome to the SDMB,\*\* iceangel\*\*! I wish I knew what to tell you. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/28 "2018-01-02T04:37:09Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I occasionally get e-mails for various things that are supposed to increase the size of my p3n1s. I don’t know what a p3n1s is, but it’s a pretty safe bet that I don’t have one. 😃 Over the years I’ve gotten several emails promising to increase the length of my penis by three inches. What good would a three-inch penis do me? Sure, I could pee standing up but I think I’d just end up peeing on my shoes. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/29 "2018-01-02T09:23:48Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > First and only post. Big surprise there. > > StG _Half_-post. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/30 "2018-01-02T09:38:11Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > Little willy, willy won’t… > [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](#): > > Okay, that’s like completely in my head right now. Same here. Now I cannot get that song out of my head. Besides, I thought that we were all mature enough here on the SDMB to refer to body parts by their names, rather than euphonisms. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/31 "2018-01-02T10:44:40Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Same here. Now I cannot get that song out of my head. > > Besides, I thought that we were all mature enough here on the SDMB to refer to body parts by their names, rather than euphonisms. This is the first time I’ve ever seen a euphemism for euphemism. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/32 "2018-01-02T13:36:34Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > This is the first time I’ve ever seen a euphemism for euphemism. > mmm Literal: I have an erection Euphemism: I’ve got wood Euphonism: I’ve got [the horn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euphonium) ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/33 "2018-01-02T15:41:01Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Literal: I have an erection > Euphemism: I’ve got wood > Euphonism: I’ve got [the horn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euphonium) Euphejism: I prefer puns to euphemisms. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2018, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/34 "2018-01-02T16:27:52Z")
> [@naita](#): > > I sincerely doubt this would cause erectile dysfunction, other than if the damage led to cancer and the tumors screwed up hormones or plumbing. DNA damage has actually been shown to _increase_ male potency, at least temporarily. OP, have you by any chance begun to climb up walls and across ceilings, or vomit digestive enzymes onto your food? ---
**Author:** ![bob\_2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_2/32/3341_2.png) [@bob\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_2)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2018, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/35 "2018-01-09T14:39:43Z")
Limp supplements drugs stop free, limp exercise wood the pseudoscience ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2018, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/36 "2018-01-09T18:04:10Z")
Good grief. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2018, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/37 "2018-01-10T01:05:31Z")
Lemme guess – does the OP smoke? ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2018, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/38 "2018-01-10T01:20:23Z")
Been over a week, and every time I scroll by I still see “WIFE doesn’t work.” Wife, Willy, either way. Need to pull their own weight or GTFO. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2018, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/39 "2018-01-10T03:06:25Z")
He started a new thread in GQ this morning, which was locked. He hasn’t been back to this one since he started it. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=846537](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=846537) ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2018, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/40 "2018-01-10T15:26:10Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > He started a new thread in GQ this morning, which was locked. He hasn’t been back to this one since he started it. > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=846537](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=846537) He took Willy to the vet. He’ll be back. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680.md?page=3)