# Help me please -My willy does not work properly anymore - its been 5 years im 30 years old now **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 1, 2018, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680 "2018-01-01T09:18:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2018, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/41 "2018-01-11T02:40:24Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Over the years I’ve gotten several emails promising to increase the length of my penis by three inches. What good would a three-inch penis do me? Sure, I could pee standing up but I think I’d just end up peeing on my shoes. One day (years ago, before spam- & ad-blockers), I got 2 emails one after the other in my inbox: - gain inches and make her scream with pleasure - lose inches fast without diet or exercise Often wondered what would have happened if I had answered both simultaneously! ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2018, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/42 "2018-01-11T03:00:58Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > One day (years ago, before spam- & ad-blockers), I got 2 emails one after the other in my inbox: > > - gain inches and make her scream with pleasure > - lose inches fast without diet or exercise > > Often wondered what would have happened if I had answered both simultaneously! Same thing that would happen if you put instant coffee in the microwave: you would go back in time! ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2018, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/43 "2018-01-11T04:16:23Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > One day (years ago, before spam- & ad-blockers), I got 2 emails one after the other in my inbox: > > - gain inches and make her scream with pleasure > - lose inches fast without diet or exercise > > Often wondered what would have happened if I had answered both simultaneously! You’d be like Pinocchio with a hooker: “Tell a lie! Now tell the truth! Tell a lie! Tell the truth! Tell a lie!” ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2018, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/44 "2018-01-11T05:17:01Z")
I got a letter from AARP and a preplanned funeral home ad the same day, in the mail. Mr. Wrekker said they decided, up there at AARP they didnt want my business, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2018, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/45 "2018-01-11T14:20:56Z")
Post your email address prominently around on the internet. Once the bots pick it up, your inbox will be filled with messages offering you all manner of things to make your willy grow. You might even find that you had a relative that died in Africa and left you a bucket of money. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2018, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/46 "2018-01-11T20:21:09Z")
How much wood would a willy wood if a willy would wood good? ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2018, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680/47 "2018-01-11T21:00:51Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Your haiku > has the wrong number > of syllables. So does yours. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-please-my-willy-does-not-work-properly-anymore-its-been-5-years-im-30-years-old-now/805680.md?page=2)