# Help me pull out of this nose dive... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 3, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626 "2005-10-03T19:28:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/41 "2005-10-05T14:52:36Z")
Are you a member of any social clubs? It sounds like you need to get out and socialize in a way that isn’t dating - if your heart’s not in it, you aren’t being fair to yourself or your dates. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/42 "2005-10-05T15:26:07Z")
Social clubs? Like what? I consider dating sites like a social club… people with common interests, no requirements to actually have sex but a common reason to get together and talk… though I am getting tired of having the same conversation over and over. You mean like Toastmasters? Or the Elks’ lodge? ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/43 "2005-10-05T17:07:43Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Social clubs? Like what? > > I consider dating sites like a social club… people with common interests, no requirements to actually have sex but a common reason to get together and talk… though I am getting tired of having the same conversation over and over. > > You mean like Toastmasters? Or the Elks’ lodge? Out here in the PNW we have a company called “Events and Adventures” They organize several activities a week, ranging from camping trips to boating to evenings at the opera. You sign up for the ones that interest you, pay the fees, and hopefully meet like-minded people while you’re there. The nice thing about it is that even if you don’t meet someone with romantic potential, you still have a good evening or weekend out and may meet some new friends. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/44 "2005-10-05T19:56:39Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > The nice thing about it is that even if you don’t meet someone with romantic potential, you still have a good evening or weekend out and may meet some new friends. Or I could just move to Oregon and ask you out… 😃 Nah… I’m too damn old… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/45 "2005-10-05T20:44:57Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Or I could just move to Oregon and ask you out… 😃 > Nah… I’m too damn old… :smack: Don’t sweat it, babe. I’d even say yes, if it weren’t for the age difference… and the geographical thing… and the fact that I am currently attached… So maybe no, then. But it’s nice to dream. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/46 "2005-10-05T20:59:25Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > So maybe no, then. But it’s nice to dream. 😉 I think I’ve just been officially “shined on”. :eek: LOL! ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/47 "2005-10-05T21:13:46Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I think I’ve just been officially “shined on”. :eek: > LOL! “Shined on”? Is that an old folk’s term? Did you learn that at the senior center? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/48 "2005-10-05T21:45:45Z")
\ Outta my way chicky-poo… there’s tapioca pudding and prune juice at the cafeteria… \ Dang nab kids with their hippitty hoppitty music… :mad:… ain’t got no respect for the old folk! ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/49 "2005-10-05T22:43:45Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > \ Outta my way chicky-poo… there’s tapioca pudding and prune juice at the cafeteria… > > \ Dang nab kids with their hippitty hoppitty music… :mad:… ain’t got no respect for the old folk! _Resists making Viagra joke_ Seriously, what does “shined on” mean? Google yields nothing. ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/50 "2005-10-05T23:22:45Z")
I’ll e-mail you next week when I get back from the Nationals. So, other than working out, what kind of hobbies do yo have? Because hobbies can be really cool for meeting folk. So can professional societies. Although, you are dating (good luck tonight by the way,) so the meeting part does not seem to be a problem. And since I am way older than our boardmate **QuickSilver** let me assure **Ms StoHelit** that chemical enhancement is not required unless you are a baseball player shooting steroids. Can you hear me Raffy? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/51 "2005-10-05T23:30:58Z")
Well, Jim and I have a lot of fun at our No Kidding group for childless-by-choice couples, but that probably isn’t up your alley. 😃 But seriously, we do things with the group like having a monthly card game, we have an ethnic dinner group (we go to a different ethnic restaurant each month), we have brunches, we have Hallowe’en and Christmas parties, that kind of stuff. I strongly recommend trying to find a group with interests similar to yours to join - I never knew it was this much fun, but we’re having a blast. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2005, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/52 "2005-10-05T23:41:18Z")
Dude, I’m sorry you’re still feeling so … blah. But I agree with **Long Time First Time** : give yourself more credit. You’re stuck between your kids and everything else that you want, and I think it’s pretty damn cool that you consistenly choose your kids. I was much older than your little ones (15) when my folks finally divorced, and my father’s reaction was to move to Florida (we were in Maryland). Part of me understood why he did it, but it sure didn’t help our relationship any – I don’t think there’s any such thing as a “good time” to be far from your kids during their first 20 years. Congrats on the new job! Try not to go into it with the expectation that it will be more mind-numbing glurge. I know it’s probably hard to feel optimistic right now, but be sure to give the new situation a fair shot. It’s only fair to both them _and_ you. Re: the dating, it’s good that you realize your heart just isn’t in it these days. I don’t think you necessarily need to stop, but continued self-awareness is good. Almost last, I think you should take **brownie55** up on the offer of a beer. Even if y’all hate each other upon meeting, you’ll be out and about. And having a beer! 😉 Heck, if you weren’t going to be working in freaking _Bethesda_ (!) I’d invite you to one of the happy hours here in Reston that my co-workers and I go to. …aaaand, it’s nearly impossible to so much as mention such an offer without sounding stalker-ish. But I don’t mean it that way, honest. Here’s what’s last (but not least): > [@QuickSilver](#): > > I thought that if I were able to get her to follow me to a place where I’d feel more grounded and to a country that is really home for us, then she’d become happier and more settled in time. What concerns me most about this idea is that earlier you said: > [@](#): > > I’d like to go back to Canada and she doesn’t want to because she’s not close with her remaining family and as a result feels she’s got nothing to go back to. Which, to me, says that if you talk her into going back she is going to have no one except YOU to hang out with, and you’ll feel obligated to hang out with her because you talked her into moving. Making the whole “separate lives” thing _really_ difficult. Capisce? ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/53 "2005-10-06T00:18:01Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Almost last, I think you should take **brownie55** up on the offer of a beer. Even if y’all hate each other upon meeting, you’ll be out and about. And having a beer! 😉 Heck, if you weren’t going to be working in freaking _Bethesda_ (!) I’d invite you to one of the happy hours here in Reston that my co-workers and I go to. Awww, come on, I am not that bad a person. I just like to be the voice of brutal truth. I wish somebody had kicked me beore I married “person who cannot be named.” Hell, I’ll drag him out to Reston if you think that’s better. And, at the risk of sounding stalkerish, I always wanted to be the guy sitting in the front row that said “That’s my girlfriend up on the stage.” I bet I should not have admitted that. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/54 "2005-10-06T00:27:12Z")
> [@brownie55](#): > > Awww, come on, I am not that bad a person. Who says I’m worried about _you_? 😉 I keed! 😃 But seriously: I just meant that you never know who you’ll get along with in real life (and not getting along doesn’t make either party “bad”), but sometimes just getting out and having a beer with someone is worthwhile. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/55 "2005-10-06T01:04:15Z")
> [@brownie55](#): > > And, at the risk of sounding stalkerish, I always wanted to be the guy sitting in the front row that said “That’s my girlfriend up on the stage.” I bet I should not have admitted that. Ok, I _just_ got that this was a compliment. :smack: Sorry! And, thank you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/56 "2005-10-06T05:36:13Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > Seriously, what does “shined on” mean? Google yields nothing. shined on = blowing smoke up one’s ass As for viagra… never needed it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/57 "2005-10-06T05:43:27Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Which, to me, says that if you talk her into going back she is going to have no one except YOU to hang out with, and you’ll feel obligated to hang out with her because you talked her into moving. Making the whole “separate lives” thing _really_ difficult. > > Capisce? Yeah, but she can make new friends. She didn’t seem to have much trouble finding a “special friend” here. :rolleyes: Anyway, it’s a pipe dream on my part. There is almost no realistic way she’d leave at this point. There isn’t really anyone for her to go back to and frankly, I think she’d be embarassed to return given the chain of recent events. So when’s happy hour? As for the date tonight… another very nice and attractive woman, not really my type though I tried real hard for her to be. I gave up after the third glass of wine. She just wasn’t getting any better and I was getting quite drunk. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/58 "2005-10-06T14:51:04Z")
I’m hung over and feel a right twat for drinking so much on an empty stomach. It’s the post drinking depression kicking in this morning. Last night’s date was not one for the memoires. Pretty unremarkable by any standard. Where are all the mentally stable, socially adjusted, rocket scientist swim suit models? Is that too much to ask? Bleh… \*didn’t want to start a new thread for this pointless glurge… ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/59 "2005-10-06T15:02:25Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Where are all the mentally stable, socially adjusted, rocket scientist swim suit models? Is that too much to ask?] Er, speaking from personal experience, rocket scientists are neither mentally stable, socially adjusted, or swim suit models. Even, or perhaps especially, the rare female entry. There may be exceptions to this, but it is my hypothesis that all the high IQ women go into biochemistry. 😉 Stranger ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626/60 "2005-10-06T15:21:54Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > There may be exceptions to this, but it is my hypothesis that all the high IQ women go into biochemistry. 😉 > > Stranger Really? What dumb luck… 'Cuz I’m starting work next week with the NIH. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-pull-out-of-this-nose-dive/324626.md?page=4)