# Help me say what I really wanted to say in reply... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 15, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186 "2004-04-15T17:01:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/1 "2004-04-15T17:01:58Z")
Background info: I have a relative who’s Conservative Republican, I’m Democrat. They know I’m pretty libral, and a Democrat. I just recieved this letter from them. I couldn’t even read all of the linked page I was so hurt and angry. > [@](#): > > I wish we could have a good political dialog between two major parties who care about the country. Unfortunately one of the parties has fashioned itself into an anti-party, forgetting its roots: > ( [http://www.americandigest.org/mt-archives/001113.html](http://www.americandigest.org/mt-archives/001113.html) ) > > I hope both parties improve themselves soon. We need some honest and open discussion of issues, instead of divisive and cruel and > dishonest attacks and counterattacks. > > Let’s pray for better politics in the future. > > Love, > \ Here is the letter I sent out, but I don’t feel I’ve said it all yet. I’m so angry, and hurt right now I can’t really express it all. > [@](#): > > We would appreciate it greatly if no more such spam and crap flinging were sent to us. Although we do find it rather ironically amusing that in the > process of decrying the flinging of shit, that link flung a massive amount > of crap, such that the stench provided a nice smoke screen. You know full > well that we are Democrat, and don’t send such things leaning the other way, > in mass mailings out to you. That was a vicious jab, and uncalled for. > Definately not appreciated. Thanks ahead of time for your future respect. > Love, > \ Feel free to rant, and help me compose a response that will fully express the hurt outrage and feeling of being totally “dissed” that I have right now. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/2 "2004-04-15T17:12:58Z")
I have relatives that are polar opposites of my political leanings, as well. I’m sure they think they’re sooooooo fucking clever, but they just sound stupid. Actually, I don’t waste time debating with them. They’re doing it to get a rise out of you and have succeeded. If the offender is a friend (particularly the religious glurge friend who inundated me with Jesus shit), I tell them that I’d appreciate not being included in the mass-recruitment e-mails. I’d let it die if I were you. You’ve responded once. Another one would just fuel the fire. Unless you want to risk a knock-down, drag-out argument at the next gathering. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/3 "2004-04-15T17:25:01Z")
The first thing that springs to mind is > [@](#): > > Dear Fucktard, > I know you are, but what am I? I mean, since they want to be all “mature” about this, what with their mention of an “open and honest discussion of issues.” Are we related? Because my family does this to me all the time. I am probably on every anti-Dem mailing list on Earth, because my family thinks that if they bombard me with enough “accurate information,” they will be able to change my mind. Meanwhile … every one of the bastids practically _brags_ about how “it” isn’t their fault, because they didn’t vote! I’m sorry this particular relative of yours sucks. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/4 "2004-04-15T17:34:40Z")
**Zabali** , I’m curious. When you do see such examples of Dems dissing Repubs, how does that make you feel as a Democrat? ---
**Author:** ![county](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce7236/32.png) [@county](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/county)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/5 "2004-04-15T17:38:17Z")
Bush supporters and neo-cons suck. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/6 "2004-04-15T17:39:20Z")
Sounds like a loser. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/7 "2004-04-15T17:46:16Z")
I agree with **Kalhoun** – it’s unlikely you’ll change their minds or make them see the hypocrisy of mournfully shaking their heads over how Democrats are unwilling to discuss things openly and honestly without partisan attacks, while linking to a website full of partisan mudslinging. However, to answer your question, if a relative had sent me that email, here’s what I would have written back: "I agree with you – I think most Americans would rather see an open, honest discussion of issues than partisan mud-slinging. However, I think that using that desire as cover for the partisan mud-slinging contained in your link is the height of dishonesty and deceitfulness. Personally, after four years of being attacked by them, I myself am not ashamed in the slightest to be partisan and attack the Republican party. - After 9/11, I supported the President and applauded the way he went to war in Afghanistan. However, when people like me questioned the need to curtail civil liberties, Republicans called them traitors. - When we asked for the reasons behind unilaterally rushing to invade Iraq, Republicans called us foolish and unpatriotic and weak, and accused us of loving Saddam Hussein more than our own country. When our allies counciled caution and patience, Republicans mocked them. - When no weapons of mass destruction were found, and we asked again why we were rushed into this war, Republicans called us heartless and accused us of not caring about the freedom and happiness of the Iraqi people. - The economy has been stalled for four years, while Republicans increased spending and repeatedly cut taxes for the wealthy. - Now that it is time for our elected officials to justify the job they’ve done, Republicans are unwilling to take responsibility for the messes they’ve made, but would rather pretend they were invented by dishonest Democrats as part of some partisan propaganda machine. I know you want your party to win, but don’t tell me not to be angry about how Republicans have behaved for the last four years or hold me to a higher standard than you hold yourselves. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/8 "2004-04-15T18:21:51Z")
I’d have sent an Amazon-gift-wrapped two-fer of **Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them** and **The Lies of George W. Bush,** with a thank-you note suggesting they read the chapters on how Bush _et al_ reneged on his promise to “improve the tone.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/9 "2004-04-15T23:20:58Z")
Tell them that how you vote is private, and needs to be kept such in a democracy. In other words, mind their own business. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/10 "2004-04-16T00:30:24Z")
I would have a hard time resisting a response like: > [@me](#): > > It’s a shame you didn’t believe in open, honest, rational discussion and decry partisan attacks during the last administration. It is disingenuous for you to claim to embrace it now simply because it is your party that is under attack. Because I cannot see how your change of heart is less than hypocrisy, your snarky political potshots and mudslinging websites are not going to change my mind. For the sake of familial harmony, please do not send me your political viewpoints in the future. Love, Fish. But that’s me. ---
**Author:** ![laigle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@laigle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laigle)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/11 "2004-04-16T01:00:05Z")
I long for the gool old days of the net, when all you had to do was post someone’s home address and phone number on alt.bestiality and let events take their course. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/12 "2004-04-16T01:15:53Z")
**ivylass** I don’t like mudslinging from any “hand”, and wish it weren’t so rampant on both sides. This was my (much) older brother who sent the letter, whom I have asked politely (at first) to respect my differing veiwpoint. Our parents are Democrat too. When he did not respond to politeness, I tried curtness. That didn’t work either. I truly think he doesn’t respect me, and that I may have to consider that while he’s part of my genetic heritage, he’s not actually family that I will associate with from now on, for the sake of my own harmony. This letter he sent was an “icing on a cake” moment. It smacked me upside the head with the nasty realization that he’d never respect me as a person, let alone as a grown woman or a little sister. I had hung on to the hope that I’d be able to get respect from him one day, but that illusion is shattered now. He treats me as a child who can’t make her own decisions at all, has openly mocked me, talked down to me and disregarded my feelings. When I “walk away” from a fight he’s picked, he follows me, harassing me and trying to bait me into continuing, calling ME immature and childish because I am walking away rather then continue with a futile arguement. I know he’ll never think of me as an adult, even though I’m 31. This is sad, because even my father and mother respect my adulthood. I’m very glad I live so far away from him, and haven’t seen him in years. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/13 "2004-04-16T01:22:09Z")
This is an example to show you what I was speaking of in the post above. He has mocked me openly when I was discussing an environmental matter. He thinks that companies shouldn’t be MADE to install less pollutive machinery or face fines. He is suspicious of the EPA etc. etc. etc. (There was much more to the arguement than this, he’s for Big Companies, and doesn’t believe in the Global Warming “theory”.) When he asked why I thought I knew anything at all about the environment, I explained that I’d passed an excellent environmental science course as a Sophomore in High School which I passed with straight A’s. This course was college Sophomore level. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/14 "2004-04-16T01:25:28Z")
I would have said something akin to: “I agree that calm and rational discussion is the answer.” Or I could try to score cheap points in return. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/15 "2004-04-16T04:03:51Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > He treats me as a child who can’t make her own decisions at all, has openly mocked me, talked down to me and disregarded my feelings. When I “walk away” from a fight he’s picked, he follows me, harassing me and trying to bait me into continuing, calling ME immature and childish because I am walking away rather then continue with a futile arguement. I know he’ll never think of me as an adult, even though I’m 31. This is sad, because even my father and mother respect my adulthood. I’m very glad I live so far away from him, and haven’t seen him in years. Wow. It’s hard to believe you swam out of the same gene pool, isn’t it? Especially with such sensible parents. He sounds like an immature, self-centered boor. Thank Og you live far away from him. Have you considered putting a block on him in your email, so he can’t spam you with any more crap? He’s obviously never going to respect any request/demand to be left alone. Heck, he probably gets a kick out of upsetting you – power trip and all that. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/16 "2004-04-16T05:24:42Z")
YOu need to fight fire with fire. Tell them because of the glurge they have sent you that you have had a change of heart: You are now a pagan lesbian and Mr. Clawbane and signed up for gender reassignment so he can be the woman he’s always wanted to be and, now, because of your relatives spectacular insight, during a night of butt humping your man/woman while wearing a strap on, realized you needed to vote Republican. Hope this helps. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/17 "2004-04-16T05:36:38Z")
I have an almost unlimited number of political opponents, from the reasoned disagreement level, through the impassioned demagogues, and on into the depraved lunatics. I have only a limited number of friends and relatives. Judging by the intellectual rigor of your choices of political support, I think our conversations would best serve the continuation of our relationship if they were confined to personal matters. Real personal conversation is quite possible without appealing to authorities outside of the circle of friends and family. I would appreciate it if you would not include my email in correspondence that addresses groups of people that I don’t already know. Insults will hardly encourage either of us to come to know each other personally. If that is not your purpose, in correspondence, I can only suggest that you join a message board that encourages you in whatever intent you do have. I will not respond to further political discussion. You friend, still, Triskadecamus ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/18 "2004-04-16T05:47:45Z")
**Shirley Ujest** Heh, I am pagan. I haven’t told my family this, because it would just cause lots of harm, and do no good. It might indeed cause my mother’s health to decline from worry (She’s really bad about it) and lead to her death. I’m not kidding, it’s that bad. I also don’t want to argue with them about it, though I have told them I no longer practice the Christian religion because I’ve experienced too much corruption. My older brother is Catholic I think now, he married a Catholic, with a Catholic ceremony, and goes to church with her at any rate. (He wasn’t raised Catholic.) Though…it would be really funny to tell them all that. Really, really funny. _evil grin_ Mr. Clawbane got quite a laugh out of the idea, even he thinks it’s funny. (Largely I suspect, because I’m quite little, and he’s a big tall, though slender guy.) ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/19 "2004-04-16T05:58:43Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Heck, he probably gets a kick out of upsetting you – power trip and all that. More like he enjoys being “martyred”. I was evil, I “went off on him” for no reason, and was rude, and _gasp_ used crude words in a letter to him. Oh yeah, I can pretty well predict what kind of “moral high road” he’s going to think he’s on. :rolleyes: I myself, think the only letter I sent to him on the matter (reproduced here, to be clear) was pretty restrained, though I’ll cop to using crude words. I’m not going to let him guilt me over it though, I had a right to stand up for myself, and tell him off. Not that I think it’s done any good. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/20 "2004-04-16T06:27:16Z")
Update: Here’s my older brother’s response to the reply I sent him. > [@](#): > > bye This is the letter I sent to my parents. I forwarded my letter to them, so there would be no way my words could be misquoted or distorted and used against me in an attempt to make my parents give me flack, which is a tactic I’ve seen him using with my other siblings, and he’s used this tactic on me too. I wanted there to be no question as to exactly what I said, and why. Now the true unreasonable immature person is showing IMO. > [@](#): > > And, there you have it. Now, you know that he’s apparently “disowning” me over petty bullshit. He sent material to me that he knew full well I’d find objectionable, and when I told him not to do so again, albeit using crude > words, he “disowns” me. Who’s being petty now? I’d say I’ve been more mature > throughout most of my adult life, then he’s ever been. So, well now it’s done with… Now all I have to do is calm down, and heal from the wounds he’s opened over and over across the years. Shows how much I mean to him, that’s he’s saying “goodbye” to me over something like that. Also shows his maturity level. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186.md?page=2)