# Help me say what I really wanted to say in reply... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 15, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186 "2004-04-15T17:01:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/41 "2004-04-17T04:44:17Z")
I can ask that people not hijack the topic I started. That is within my rights. Most posters do have the good manners and intelligence to recognize what is on topic with an OP, and not go off on tangents. The topic is arrogant, bullying boorish behavior coming from a close relative. If this thread is further hijacked, I can always ask that it be closed, and I will, rather than let it be derailed by bickering over politics. If you want to discuss those things, and be able to complete the discussion in the same thread it began in, take it to another thread. ---
**Author:** ![Chicago\_Faucet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chicago_faucet/32/13910_2.png) [@Chicago\_Faucet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicago_Faucet)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/42 "2004-04-17T12:21:44Z")
The topic that you started included a political discussion, that obvious upset you. I agree. With such an overbearing sibling as your brother has been acting, you are better off without him. Just make sure that it is him, not you, that gets shunned from the family. In the first paragraph of your OP you mentioned that you were hurt and angry, followed directly by the link to the website, with a further link to the KOS website. At first glance, I did not know what was hurting you or causing you to get angry. From the context of the quoted email, I figured out that your brother is conservative, and you are liberal. Like it or not, your OP involved politics. The link in your brother’s email exposed a vicious liberal website. Putting that in your OP makes it fair game for this thread. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/43 "2004-04-17T12:31:26Z")
That’s what I thought **Chicago** , (see my first post in the thread) but now that it has developed into a situation where **Zabali** is on the outs with her brother, I think that’s what we need to focus on right now. So talking about politics is counterproductive for **Zabali** at this time. **ZC** , it is perfectly all right to cut out toxic people from your life. That includes blood relatives. Do what you need to do to have serenity in your life. I would suggest that you do not further discuss this situation with any of your family. A smile, a quick “I would prefer not to discuss it further,” may go a long way to damping down the flames. There was a recent thread in IMHO about distancing oneself from one’s family. I’ve done it with my mother, and feel much the better for it. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/44 "2004-04-17T15:42:12Z")
> [@Chicago Faucet](#): > > I truly do not understand. The OP is offended that hurtful and racist comments from a liberal website were exposed by another hurtful website? The website with the linking was combating the original offensiveness of the KOS website. > > The irony here is that the liberals are the ones who claim to be the Civil Rights people. The rule is proven true: Everything that a liberal tries to accomplish, will actually create the very opposite to occur. Oh, yeah, I forgot that all of us liberals were part of a collective consciousness so that one liberal’s racism means that we’re all hypocrites. Oh, wait. _That doesn’t make any fucking sense!_ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/45 "2004-04-17T16:36:08Z")
**Zabali** , I see where you’re coming from in getting your parents up to speed with what went on. It sucks that your brother in his fifties acts so incredibly childish. Like **ivylass** said, I’ve distanced myself from my father, and haven’t regretted it for a second. As for **milroyj** being a jerk like he was in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=249501) thread, it sounds like you may have to vacate your own thread and let him have his way with it, because the mods won’t shut it down even after he hijacks it over your protests. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/46 "2004-04-17T21:36:02Z")
Let’s just tattoo “Total Asshole” on **Chicago Faucet’s** forehead and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Chicago\_Faucet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chicago_faucet/32/13910_2.png) [@Chicago\_Faucet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicago_Faucet)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/47 "2004-04-17T22:10:23Z")
Meow. But you still did not address the meat portion of my post. You just resorted to juvenile name calling. ---
**Author:** ![milroyj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@milroyj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milroyj)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/48 "2004-04-17T23:10:23Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > **Zabali** , I see where you’re coming from in getting your parents up to speed with what went on. It sucks that your brother in his fifties acts so incredibly childish. Like **ivylass** said, I’ve distanced myself from my father, and haven’t regretted it for a second. > > As for **milroyj** being a jerk like he was in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=249501) thread, it sounds like you may have to vacate your own thread and let him have his way with it, because the mods won’t shut it down even after he hijacks it over your protests. Oh get over it, **featherlou**. Paraphrasing the **Otto** OP: My bf is an illegal immigrant, but don’t post about illegal immigration in MY thread. Paraphrasing the **ZC** OP: My older brother is a rabid conservative, but don’t post about politics in MY thread. WTF is up with that? It’s a public message board, and it’s in the Pit. What do they expect? Happiness and Sunshine are in MPSIMS. Unless you want a board where everyone agrees with everyone else, though I don’t see the point in that. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/49 "2004-04-19T14:04:27Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > **Chicago Faucet** > > **Kalhoun** He’s almost 50 years old, he has had years to hone this routine down to it’s bare bones. His “bye” was just that. He’s going to ignore me, give me a cold shoulder if we attend the same family function, and speak disaprovingly about me to anyone who will listen, calling into question my very ability to think straight at all. > > He’ll dredge up my abusive marriage, and any other mistake I made while very young, to illustrate his point, and paint me as a hysterical emotional female, who’s emotions cloud her ability to think clearly, devoid of logic and good decision making skills. He has even dared to paint such a picture of our mother, who is also bi-polar, and unfortunately all of my older brothers believe it completely, they look at her, and try to respect her, but it’s not quite, because they don’t think she’s capable. My little brother didn’t quite buy it all, because he saw how capable she was growing up. > > I “brought my parents into it” as you say, because even though it IS between my brother and I, he won’t leave it that way. I know he calls my parents often, I cannot. I KNOW he speaks badly of anyone he’s currently “shunning”, and can very persuavively present his “case” to them, such that they look with saddened eyes on the sibling, not wanting to believe they could say or do such things, but finding themselves doing so because he’s so good at twisting what happened. The part about your parents – I didn’t mention them. Just for the purpose of clarity. That was someone else. Sorry for the shitty brother problems. I have one of those going at the moment, too. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186/50 "2004-04-20T01:09:25Z")
I have a few friends who constantly forward aggressively political e-mails. I love the people to pieces, but our politics aren’t aligned. When we’re together in person, it’s understood that politics and religion is verboten, but for some reason they feel that e-mail is fair game. So they forward me blatant propaganda supporting their cause du jour though I’m honestly not sure they realize it is blatant propaganda. Some people have no nose for bullshit. My response is that when I see their e-mail address and a subject line that looks suspect, I simply highlight the e-mail and hit the “delete” key. That way I avoid any aggravation and I preserve the relationship. Both are important to me. The “delete” key is amazingly empowering. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-say-what-i-really-wanted-to-say-in-reply/240186.md?page=2)