# Help me screw up little kids **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 16, 2001, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559 "2001-05-16T01:40:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Grok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grok)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/1 "2001-05-16T01:40:00Z")
Our school is having an outdoor fun day soon, and I’m the Simon Says caller. What are some good ways to trick the kids in this game? Nothing off color please - these are first graders! ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/2 "2001-05-16T02:03:42Z")
You can always screw up five-year olds with the whole left / right thing. “Simon says…stand on your left foot and hold up your right hand.” or “Simon says…rub your stomach and pat your head.” How about: “Simon says…give me your lunch money.” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/3 "2001-05-16T04:18:47Z")
Simon says calculate pi to the 97th decimal. ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/4 "2001-05-16T04:33:50Z")
Simon says this should be in IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/5 "2001-05-16T04:36:27Z")
**Simon** de Montfort is my SDMB-namesake. ---
**Author:** ![Mooney252](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7c8e57/32.png) [@Mooney252](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooney252)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/6 "2001-05-16T07:35:10Z")
“Look – a crashing airplane.” Grok: I know your sensibilities about this one, but they’d turn and look! “Who wants a popsicle?” raising your hand. “Duck – a baseball.” And something silly would work too: “Look, a flying squirrel!” sidebar: did you ever get that flight done? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/7 "2001-05-16T14:32:36Z")
Simon says grow two feet taller! Simon says go away and don’t come back! Simon says quit doing what I say! Simon says go play with someone else! Simon says prove there is a God! Simon says do my taxes! Simone says convince Ms. Smith to go out with me! Simon says resistence is futile! Simon says stop doing what I say I’m not kidding! Seriously just throw in a ‘don’t’ as in Simon says don’t jump up in the air. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/8 "2001-05-16T15:11:55Z")
Simon says hold up your left foot. Simon says hold up your right foot. watch them all fall… ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/9 "2001-05-16T16:22:43Z")
I like a guy who takes the time to adequately prepare for his Simon Says calling. So many callers these days just don’t do an adequate job of it. I think you should try series of things to get them in funny poses: Simon says . . . put your left hand on your left cheek. Simon says . . . put your right hand on your right cheek. Simon says . . . open your mouth wide. All of a sudden you’ll have a field full of that rat-faced kid from Home Alone. Or try: Simon says . . . put your arms in the air. Simon says . . . sway back and forth. Poof, instant heavy metal ballad audience (I don’t recommend that Simon tell the first graders to light lighters while, however). ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/10 "2001-05-16T16:24:51Z")
Looking at the thread title, I am profoundly grateful for the existance of the word “up”. Seriously, Grok, you should have a blast. My ex-wife teaches 1st grade, and I always enjoyed going to their field days and such. Until I was no longer allowed, because I was a “bad influence”.( Seriously. Hey, I thought you were supposed to do things like jump off the swings!) Simon says Post to the SDMB, maybe? Simon says give me the number of your cute 20 something sister? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2001, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-up-little-kids/65559/11 "2001-05-17T04:17:47Z")
Alternative: When I was in grade 2, one of our textbooks described this game called “Hold On/Let Go”. Everyone takes hold of the edge of a blanket. When the leader says, “Hold on”, you’re supposed to let go, and when they say “Let go”, you’re supposed to keep hold of it. If you have a lot of patience for the inevitable “I didn’t…You did too”, it should be amusing.