# Help me screw with total assholes! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 24, 2000, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180 "2000-10-24T22:31:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2000, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/1 "2000-10-24T22:31:54Z")
As many of you are aware, I work in a campus computer lab. There are signs all over this lab telling the students that they are not allowed to download things like AOL or any of the instant messenging programs (AIM, MSM, ICQ, Yahoo, etc.), but of course there are always people who think the rules do not apply to them. Some of these people are incredibly stupid. See, unless you tell it to do otherwise during the install, these programs will start up every time the computer does. And if you somehow are retarded, and have it save your password, they will log in on their own when I open up the lab. Meaning that (at least with Yahoo and ICQ) anyone can send messages to any of the people on your buddy list, whether or not they are actually online. I used to be nice, and sent everyone on the list a message telling them to tell their friend to go to the computer and remove the saved passwords. I’m not anymore. Now I send out messages designed to either sabotage their friendships or make them look like complete and total morons. A sample: To someone’s friend “verysingle123” I sent, “Do you know why you’re very single? Because you’re fucking ugly!” To everyone on some person’s list: “Help me, I need advice. I think I’m gay.” I’ve said some funny things in my time, but I’m running out of ideas. Anyone have any good ideas on things I can do to screw with these morons? ---
**Author:** ![Tzel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Tzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzel)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2000, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/2 "2000-10-24T22:38:21Z")
Oh, I wish I had your situation. Sounds like a lot of fun. I’d just greet some random people in their friends list, strike up a conversation, and occasionally put in wierd comments, revelations, or opinions. The possibilities are endless. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/3 "2000-10-24T22:46:34Z")
I personally would send an IM to someone in the buddy list that says “Mr. X has stupidly saved his password on a computer intended for general use. I could use this opportunity to pretend to be him and get him in trouble, but instead I am asking him to remind you that saved passwords are nothing but trouble.” ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2000, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/4 "2000-10-24T22:48:48Z")
Well, there’s always the standard racist/sexist/bigoted stuff you can use, but I’d be adverse to using that… Instead, stick with things like “Can you send me money? I owe… someone… a few thousand dollars for some… stuff.” Or you can simply put up away messages for all the AIM SN’s saying things like “I’m busy masturbating to pictures of Barbara Walters”. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/5 "2000-10-24T22:50:39Z")
You could always send out their passwords, since people tend to use them for multiple purposes. But of course, that would be wrong. Bad **Drain**! Don’t do that! ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/6 "2000-10-24T22:57:24Z")
I’d be careful if I were you. I know it is unlikely, but if any of these were tracked back to you, you could very well be fired. If you really want to get them in trouble and mess up their life, I would try to find some way to threaten the president via AIM (of course, the Secret Service is more likely to track it back to you than the stupid person, but if you are taking chances you might as well place the big bets). On a tamer note you could just send out something saying “am I the only one attracted to my grandmother?” ---
**Author:** ![ren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@ren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ren)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/7 "2000-10-25T00:07:20Z")
What, you’re going to a Republican orgy? ::ducks and runs:: ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/8 "2000-10-25T00:31:29Z")
“I need to talk to you right away, I think I’m starting to develop deeper feelings for you and it’s becoming quite confusing.” “Hey. I’m goign to be throwing a small (insert embarsing tv show based on whatever night it is, ie Dawson’s Creek, Hughleys) watching party tonight. You should come over.” “My mom just died, I’m going out of town for a little while to cope” “I found a nude pic of you on [Rotten.com](http://Rotten.com)” “You stupid bitch. I can’t believe you did that to me. They told me everything, I really don’t want to ever speak with you again!” for starters… ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/9 "2000-10-25T00:32:44Z")
– I won’t be online for a while, but when I get back from my gender reassignment surgery, I’ll send you an email! –hey, did you hear about (select name from buddy list)?? Just don’t tell him/her what I’m about to tell you. – I can’t really go into it right now, but I’m being kicked out of school so if you see my parents before I do, please DO NOT mention grand theft auto. – If I slept with one of my professors for an A, but I only got a B+, who do you think I should complain to? – BRB, I’m going to sell some sperm ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/10 "2000-10-25T00:52:23Z")
You could just do some small things like ‘I off to see ‘insert title’ movie.’ later friends ask how movie was and the person says “I don’t know I havn’t seen it.” This leads to confusion and distrust of the computer abuser. Or just say put that “I” had a long discussion with those “Jehova Witness peeple” I they seem to make a lot of sense. ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/11 "2000-10-25T01:21:06Z")
How difficult is it to set up the computers so that only someone with administrator access would be able to download that stuff in the first place? It’d allow you to conserve your creative energy for more worthy endeavors. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/12 "2000-10-25T01:38:52Z")
CAn’t you just lock their accounts? That’s what we do at our school! ---
**Author:** ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/13 "2000-10-25T01:50:19Z")
I’m sure they could. But that would be no fun. The servers at my school block the SDMB. It pisses Tasha and I off to no end. If this site wasn’t blocked I would be on it in every class. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/14 "2000-10-25T02:35:53Z")
Send out lots of messages asking for good places to find kiddie porn. THAT should shut them down soon enough! ---
**Author:** ![yESTERDAY\_mAN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a87d85/32.png) [@yESTERDAY\_mAN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yESTERDAY_mAN)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/15 "2000-10-25T02:52:30Z")
Email nude pictures to everyone on the list and claim that it’s your daughter. Email nude pictures to everyone on the list and claim that it’s your son. Email pictures of a couple having sex and claim that they are your son and daughter. Strike up a conversation with a random user for the list, and suddenly reply to everything with bible verses. Send everyone on the list links to sites about human sacrifices. Delete all the users from the list and replace them with transexuals that you find in random chat. ---
**Author:** ![winneee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a88e4f/32.png) [@winneee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/winneee)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/16 "2000-10-25T03:36:06Z")
:::wet noodle alert::: Sorry; I just don’t think it’s funny to ‘screw’ with people. Remember way back to when you were where they are. Just try. And if you simply have to make your point, why not just send them something from their own screen name that would get it across. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/17 "2000-10-25T03:58:16Z")
Go through the weird earl’s archives and send them out to everyone on their list. Claim personal responsibility for said sites. “Everyone… I have a secret… I am Alex Chiu!” ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/18 "2000-10-25T04:02:36Z")
> [@](#): > > Sorry; I just don’t think it’s funny to ‘screw’ with people. > > Remember way back to when you were where they are. Just try. Winnee, some of us _are_ where “they” are. Which is what makes it fun 😃 Drain’ems… set up the File Transfer thing (if it’s AIM… I don’t know what features MSN or Yahoo messengers have) and start sending them crappy Mp3’s… or small clips of goofy “porn”-esque material. ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/19 "2000-10-25T04:04:53Z")
**hypergirl** , you should try to browse through a site like [http://www.anonymizer.com](http://www.anonymizer.com). If the filter at your school is blocking by URL, that should get around it. Assuming that the anonymizer is not blocked too. You could also try using [babelfish.altavista.com](http://babelfish.altavista.com) to translate your target site from some other language (it doesn’t matter which) into english. This should also get around the filter, but it’s hard to surf that way. **Drain Bead** , how about something like: “Mike told me everything. You’d better have a good explanation.” (Everybody knows a “Mike”). “You, me, \, handcuffs, and a polaroid camera. My room, in one hour.” “Look, I’m sorry about this last weekend. I wasn’t myself. Can we just get together and talk about it?” ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180/20 "2000-10-25T04:12:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by winneee \* > \*\*Remember way back to when you were where they are. Just try. > \*\* Something tells me that Drain was never an immature, inconsiderate brain dead (!) individual with zero regard for administrative rules that are in place, in part, to help students. But that’s just me! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-screw-with-total-assholes/38180.md?page=2)