# Help me stock the ultimate (fictional) library **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** books-writing-myths\ **Created:** [October 16, 2013, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444 "2013-10-16T23:07:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/81 "2013-12-02T05:00:41Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Paul Sheldon’s _Misery Chastain_ series and _Fast Cars_ > [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Nice! The lead character in Stephen King’s _'Salem’s Lot_ was also a novelist who had a book or two to his name, but I forget their title(s), and don’t have King’s book on hand. I looked 'em up: Paul Sheldon’s potboiler series included _Misery’s Child, Misery’s Love, Misery’s Quest, Misery’s Hobby_ (a pornographic spoof, privately printed and distributed to just a dozen friends of the author’s, in which the heroine cheerily engages in bestiality), and of course _Misery’s Return_. The novel _Fast Cars_ was Sheldon’s attempt to break out of the Misery mold. Ben Mears, the novelist in _'Salem’s Lot_, wrote _Air Dance, Conway’s Daughter_ and _Billy Said Keep Going_. He was, by the end of the King book, working on a novel for Random House which might be the very book we’ve just read, or something very much like it. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/82 "2013-12-02T06:14:16Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > In Stephen King’s novella “The Breathing Method,” collected in _Different Seasons_, he tells of an odd New York gentlemen’s club which includes a fine library… > > The same club is featured in King’s “The Man Who Would Not Shake Hands,” but with no mention of any nonexistent books. Perhaps a bit of an aside, but I wish King had written more stories about this club, and David’s membership in it. The stories that were told were excellent, and I’d like to hear more stories, and find out more about the club. Heck, I’d like to be invited for an evening of storytelling. “It is the tale, not he who tells it,” after all. I might be able to provide a good story. Or two. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/83 "2013-12-02T14:48:09Z")
> [@robardin](#): > > A “real” volume of _The Neverending Story_ might be interesting too. I’ve got a copy of this, turns out the day to day stuff is rather boring and mundane. The abridged version is much better, has all the sex and adventure and not the boring train rides to work. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/84 "2013-12-02T15:54:18Z")
Don’t forget _Negations_ [written by](http://www.readbookonline.net/readOnLine/427/) Enoch Soames. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/85 "2013-12-02T17:21:29Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Perhaps a bit of an aside, but I wish King had written more stories about this club, and David’s membership in it. The stories that were told were excellent, and I’d like to hear more stories, and find out more about the club. > > Heck, I’d like to be invited for an evening of storytelling. “It is the tale, not he who tells it,” after all. I might be able to provide a good story. Or two. Agreed on all counts. He hasn’t published a story about the club since 1982, though, alas. ---
**Author:** ![HookerChemical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@HookerChemical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HookerChemical)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/86 "2013-12-02T19:19:35Z")
The fictional [Anglo-American Cyclopaedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tl%C3%B6n,_Uqbar,_Orbis_Tertius) seems like an interesting work to include. However, I believe that this collection already exists at the [Library of Babel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Library_of_babel). ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2013, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/87 "2013-12-03T02:08:00Z")
_Air Chrysalis_, by Fuka-Eri. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2014, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/88 "2014-02-23T13:52:54Z")
The children’s room must have The Six Bunny Wunnies books by Miss Helen Sweetstory, as popularized by Snoopy: The Six Bunny Wunnies and Their Pony Cart The Six Bunny Wunnies Go to Long Beach The Six Bunny Wunnies Make Cookies The Six Bunny Wunnies Join an Encounter Group The Six Bunny Wunnies and Their XK-E The Six Bunny Wunnies and Their Water Bed The Six Bunny Wunnies and Their Layover in Anderson, Indiana The Six Bunny Wunnies and the Female Veterinarian The Six Bunny Wunnies Freak Out The Six Bunny Wunnies Visit Plains, Georgia ---
**Author:** ![madrabbitwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@madrabbitwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madrabbitwoman)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/89 "2014-02-23T14:04:51Z")
Speaking of childrens books - I was going to mention “The world of poo” from one of the Pratchett novels but some buggar has gone and made itreal. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2014, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/90 "2014-02-23T15:05:36Z")
Several tomes mentioned as being in Unseen University’s library. I’d start with _The Summoning of Dragons_ if some time traveler could obtain a copy with the now-lost burnt pages. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/91 "2014-07-17T15:00:23Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > The children’s room must have The Six Bunny Wunnies books by Miss Helen Sweetstory, as popularized by Snoopy How could I not mention Snoopy’s own work “It was a dark and stormy night”? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/92 "2014-07-17T17:12:54Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > How could I not mention Snoopy’s own work “It was a dark and stormy night”? Which one? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/93 "2014-07-17T17:56:55Z")
Kramer’s Coffee Table book about coffee tables The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition Wile E. Coyote’s Acme products catalog If there is a movie rental section in the library, then from the Simpsons, the “Its a Wonderful Life” killing spree ending version ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/94 "2014-07-17T18:26:16Z")
Actually, _The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition_, edited by Ira Steven Behr, was published in 1995. I gave it to my husband. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/95 "2014-07-17T18:46:13Z")
**A Practical Handbook of Bee Culture,** by Sherlock Holmes **The Seven Minutes,** the pornographic book referred to in Irving Wallace’s novel _The Seven Minutes_ **Hedge Toads, Queen Snakes and Gully Cats,** author unknown; part of Linus Van Pelt’s personal library The adventures of private detective Dixon Hill; known titles include: **The Big Goodbye The Long Dark Tunnel The (Curse of the) Black Orchid The National Sheriff The Listening Man The Parrot’s Claw** > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > How could I not mention Snoopy’s own work “It was a dark and stormy night”? It’s [actually been published](http://www.amazon.com/Snoopy-Was-Dark-Stormy-Night/dp/0030850797/). ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2014, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/96 "2014-07-17T23:19:15Z")
The [Q document](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_document) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/97 "2014-07-21T14:39:09Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > How could I not mention Snoopy’s own work “It was a dark and stormy night”? > [@Lumpy](#): > > Which one? 😉 > [@Nonsuch](#): > > It’s [actually been published](http://www.amazon.com/Snoopy-Was-Dark-Stormy-Night/dp/0030850797/). BAH! I don’t want to read a bunch of comic strips, I want to read the original novel. All of Them! Ira Levin mentions Ruthanne Hedley’s children’s book _Penny Has A Plan_, and the second book she is writing. I’d love a copy if she finished it before going away with her husband for a weekend’s “second honeymoon.” And Rosemary’s Baby _All of Them Witches_ ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/98 "2014-07-21T15:25:29Z")
Oh, anything from [Garth Marenghi](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Garth_Marenghi%27s_Darkplace)’s canon of chillers. Such as _Afterbirth_, in which a mutated placenta attacks Bristol, or _Black Fang_, at heart a “what if?” story. In this case, “_what if_ a rat could drive a bus? And what if it and its rat brethren took over and ate Parliament?” ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2014, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/99 "2014-07-23T01:06:21Z")
For an obscure one: the complete notebooks of Henry Fool. On the other hand, they didn’t sound like they’d be a great read, and could potentially get me killed or worse, pursued by Jeff Goldblum. Maybe I’ll pass on those. Instead, I want the complete series of Jasper Dash, Boy Technonaut! I like the cut of his jib, and what a stare he has! ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2014, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444/100 "2014-07-23T02:00:45Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > _Afterbirth_, in which a mutated placenta attacks Bristol, Wasn’t that an episode of _Torchwood_? 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stock-the-ultimate-fictional-library/671444.md?page=6)