# Help me stress out for my surgery **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2002, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377 "2002-11-12T04:04:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2002, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/1 "2002-11-12T04:04:56Z")
I’m having [this surgery](http://www.duodenalswitch.com) on November 29. I’m not feeling that nervous yet, mostly just excited and impatient. This is where you come in. We have to get me more stressed out! I mean, what is the worst that could happen? …they could accidently hook up my intestines in a mobius-esque loop and I’d just retain everything I ate forever and ever until I exploded… …it could be take-your-kids-to-work day and my surgeon lets his 4 year old daughter do part of my surgery… ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2002, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/2 "2002-11-12T04:10:20Z")
I could be doing the surgery. With the gloves I used to dye your hair. Using the gankiest knife I can find from the leftovers at the Ginsu factory. ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2002, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/3 "2002-11-12T04:15:34Z")
They’ll think they’re working on another patient and they’ll resect your liver instead of your stomach, remove your appendix, do a little liposuction and attempt to repair a herniated spinal disc, leaving you in intensive care for four months following the surgery. Oops, did I go too far? - on another note, I just had surgery to remove the screws that have been holding my ankle together all summer… it feels great! ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2002, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/4 "2002-11-12T04:34:03Z")
What you **don’t** want to hear while coming out of the aenesthsia (SP!): The power of Christ COMPELS you!!! The power of christ COMPELS you!!! The power of Christ COMPELS you!!! The surgeon will be in the middle of a 2 week long cocaine and alcohol bender.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2002, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/5 "2002-11-12T04:46:45Z")
“Opal, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news.” “What’s that, doctor?” “Well, we really rewired your plumbing, and, well…” “What?!?” “It’s a bit, umm, backwards. See, instead of eating, you’ll have to take your food and insert it, uhh… Well, let’s just say that, from now on, when someone says you’re talking shit, they’re just being factual.” [sub]Sorry. You asked.[/sub] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2002, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/6 "2002-11-12T06:58:16Z")
Jim Russell could impersonate your surgeon and do to you what he did to [this steer](http://www.iowastatedaily.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2002/05/01/3ccf792bc98d9). But it wouldn’t be all bad. It’d make it easy to watch what you eat. (best wishes on your surgery, **Opal** ) ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2002, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/7 "2002-11-12T07:17:37Z")
Did they have to jam a tube through your nose and down your throat while you were fully conscious to diagnose this? That’s what happened shortly before I had stomach surgery last year. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/8 "2002-11-13T16:50:33Z")
Actually, I was sedated for my EGD which was done at the same time (but hopefully with a different tube) as my colonoscopy. Thank god. And it wasn’t “diagnosed”… I’m having a voluntary weight loss surgery proceedure. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/9 "2002-11-13T16:56:06Z")
I think the thing I’d be most worried about would be that I would wind up as one of those people you hear about sometimes who are given the anesthetic and go limp and everything, but in fact remain conscious and alert to pain the entire time they’re “out,” just completely unable to in any way tell the doctors that they’re still awake … feeling every move of the scalpel through their flesh, every searing touch of the cauterizer, every pierce of the needle when they sew you back up. But that probably won’t happen to you. ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/10 "2002-11-13T17:22:16Z")
Just a reminder- it’s very bad when you wake from the anasthetic and the nurse says **"hello, Sir!"** ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/11 "2002-11-13T17:29:24Z")
**Knead** , I had a rather invasive spine surgery done about a year ago - my first time ever under a skalpal - and let me tell you, I was scared to death about it. Not just what you said, but also of them doing something wrong - I’d never be able to walk again. While I wish **Opal** well in this and that it has the desired affect, I think voluntary surgery is pretty screwey. _Veil gluck_, _bon chance_, and you’re crazy. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/12 "2002-11-13T17:52:04Z")
Opal, most of this is pretty amusing, but if I may be permitted to get serious for a moment: I am considering having similar surgery, so I hope you’ll keep us posted on how it’s going. Also, having had several major surgeries (3 C-sections, gall-bladder removal and 3 kidney stone removals), I’ll tell you that while the thought of surgery can be frightening, it’s not terrible. General anesthesia makes you feel like crap for a couple of days. And of course, there was the time that the anasthesiologist (sp?), waited too long to remove the breathing tube, and I was already conscious and it made my puke. . .ewww. But now, when the anesth. . .drug doc asks about complications, I mention that episode and they’re more cautious. Best of luck!! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/13 "2002-11-13T17:57:06Z")
Here’s hoping you don’t see the crew from the Bloopers TV show setting up in your OR… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/14 "2002-11-13T18:05:38Z")
Well see that explains your weight gain right there… Say hello to your new baby boy. Well, he’s 2 years old…so “exactly” a baby… ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/15 "2002-11-13T22:07:29Z")
Dr. Howard! Dr. Fine! Dr. Howard! Report to surgery. [sound of chainsaw starting up] ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/16 "2002-11-14T14:43:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by norinew \* > \*\*Opal, most of this is pretty amusing, but if I may be permitted to get serious for a moment: I am considering having similar surgery, so I hope you’ll keep us posted on how it’s going. > Also, having had several major surgeries (3 C-sections, gall-bladder removal and 3 kidney stone removals), I’ll tell you that while the thought of surgery can be frightening, it’s not terrible. General anesthesia makes you feel like crap for a couple of days. And of course, there was the time that the anasthesiologist (sp?), waited too long to remove the breathing tube, and I was already conscious and it made my puke. . .ewww. But now, when the anesth. . .drug doc asks about complications, I mention that episode and they’re more cautious. > Best of luck!! \*\* I’ve been under general anesthesia…um… 3 or 4 times, I guess it is. I’ve never even gotten the headache that people complain of. I’ve already had major surgery, too, for my appendix. I’m not really scared so much as excited 🙂 And you can be sure that I’ll be keeping everyone updated! I have a page for it here: [http://fathom.org/opalcat/wls.html](http://fathom.org/opalcat/wls.html) ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/17 "2002-11-14T14:50:58Z")
“Hi, everybody!” “Hi, Dr. Nick!” “Oh, the stomach’s connected to the…sinus. Oh, the red things connected to the…wrist watch.” ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-stress-out-for-my-surgery/136377/18 "2002-11-14T19:05:11Z")
“Dad gum, Cletus! Hain’t I told yew to keep that dawg o’yers out’n the operatin’ room? Done pissed in the auterclave!”