# Help me teach my son or am I being unreasonable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2013, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615 "2013-04-02T11:06:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/61 "2013-04-02T13:49:36Z")
Grow up and pay rent. Part of the responsibility of running your own business is, you know, paying the goddamned salaries. Your own salary included. Unless you’re giving your mother formal shares in the business - not a vague promise to take care of her later, but legal equity - pay rent, like a grown man. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/62 "2013-04-02T13:52:01Z")
24 years old and perfectly capable of working? He should be paying 50% of the mortgage, taxes and insurance, plus half the utilities (including internet/cable/dish/whathaveyou). Or 50% of the rent + utilities. I can’t imagine being 23 years old and thinking you are so entitled that you don’t have to A) pay to live. EVERYone who is an able-bodied adult either pays rent or a mortgage payment. And B) do chores around the house. Oh yes you do have to do chores! And you shouldn’t have to be told which chores. If you were acting like a grownup in the first place, you’d be living on your own in an apartment or in a house. And if you didn’t have a cleaning lady (who you have to PAY), you’d be running your own vacuum, dusting your own dust, washing your own dishes, scrubbing your own bathrooms. Able bodied adults take responsibility for themselves and their living space. Children sit around playing XBox expecting mommy to cook and clean up after them and wait on them hand and foot. This punk needs to grow up and act like the adult he is. Pay your mom rent or get your own place. Either way: It’s time to pay to live, just like the rest of us have to. By the time I was 24, I’d put myself through a four-year university, earned a bachelor’s degree, and packed up everything I owned to move 1,000 miles away from mommy and daddy. By 24, I was living on my own and had to keep two jobs to make rent, but I never bounced back to my parents’ house, I never got evicted, and I never starved. Another note: When I was 24, I dated a lot. Had I met another 24 year old who refused to lift a finger to help his mom and who sucked her dry without contributing one chore or one penny to the household he lives in, I would assume he’d use me in the same way and would not date him. I wouldn’t even fuck him. I would see “LOSER” tattooed across his forehead because he’s an able-bodied, capable adult who should be able to support himself and take responsibility for himself and his own living expenses. To continue sucking on mommy’s teats is reprehensible, IMO. So, what, does he bring his hookups home to bang in mommy’s house? Tres gauche! I would be extremely uncomfortable dating a guy who lived with mommy for that reason – especially when there’s no mental, emotional, or physical disability that prevents him from working or being responsible for himself. I would like to ask the OP’s son one question: At what age, exactly, do you think you should step up and take responsibility for yourself and take ownership of your own living expenses? When, exactly, do you think is the time to do that? 25? 30? 35? Do you think you’re just going to leech off your mom until you get married? What is this, 1845? Note: I have not read this thread yet. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/63 "2013-04-02T13:55:06Z")
> [@SirGladstone](#): > > Go elsewhere. I don’t have to. I pay rent. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/64 "2013-04-02T14:00:16Z")
First suggestion: Get your own SDMB account. It is free. Secondly: Move out. Seriously. Nobody owes you any favors, even your mother. Learn how to grow your business while at the same time looking after yourself. This is what grownups do. Finally: Until such time as you do move out, pay your mother market value for rent. Not “giving her as much money as I could”. This is what a child would say. You pay your landlord market value rent, not “what I can”. ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/65 "2013-04-02T14:11:08Z")
Be a man and pay your mother rent. How does your mother know that once you get three stores you won’t say, “Well I have three stores, but I really want five before I start paying” You’re starting a pattern of paying for things are you’d like to have before things you need to have. Life doesn’t work that way. Pay for what you need, and then concentrate on what you’d like to have. So what if it takes you a bit of extra time to get your three stores. If that is how you treat family…how do you treat employees and customers? ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/66 "2013-04-02T14:14:44Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > You’re selfish, entitled, rude, and disrespectful. > [@kayaker](#): > > Son, I don’t want this to come off as harsh, but you’re pathetic. Let’s keep the INSULTING comments out of this forum. This is my first and final note about this in this topic. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/67 "2013-04-02T14:15:32Z")
> [@Sensualips](#): > > Years ago you all helped me with my son. I am asking your help again. His father has not contacted him since 1996 ad he has had no male role models. He has two sisters who are both on their own. Have your son make his own account here, please…it will help make things less confusing and two users using the same account is against the rules. ---
**Author:** ![slumtrimpet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@slumtrimpet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slumtrimpet)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/68 "2013-04-02T14:16:21Z")
> [@SirGladstone](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally Posted by bienville > > Hell, he’s just some guy on the internet who I dislike and will never have to meet. Not offended at all. No need to apologize to me or anyone here. You might, though, want to apologize to the poor girl he ends up marrying someday. He’s going to treat her like crap. > > You are just a bully. Go elsewhere. Oh no, **bienville** is spot on! Watch how someone treats their mother and you will know almost exactly how they will treat their spouse. Works for both sexes btw. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/69 "2013-04-02T14:19:43Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Have your son make his own account here, please…it will help make things less confusing and two users using the same account is against the rules. SirGladstone is the son. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/70 "2013-04-02T14:20:25Z")
Let’s all dial back the outrage in this thread, in fact. Please remember this is not the Pit and to take any insults there. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/71 "2013-04-02T14:20:46Z")
> [@saje](#): > > SirGladstone is the son. Thanks for clearing this up. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/72 "2013-04-02T14:27:12Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > 24 years old and perfectly capable of working? > > He should be paying 50% of the mortgage, taxes and insurance, plus half the utilities (including internet/cable/dish/whathaveyou). Or 50% of the rent + utilities. Well, maybe. If they’re in a rental, then you’re absolutely right - half of everything (including food, cleaning, chores, etc.). It’s a little different if they’re in a house owned by the mom, because the owner’s half of the mortgage accrues equity and the tenant’s doesn’t. The tenant definitely owes _something_, though, and $300 a month is a steal. > [@Sensualips](#): > > [This is actually the son posting here - Eng.] > > That’s all well and good that you know people that do those 3 things without parental help. Now my scenario is much different on the other hand, I put roughly $5000 monthly back in my business and am responsible for 2 employees and 2 contracted employees. To be frank and not to insult I am not looking for sympathy, I am looking for a solution to a mother and son issue in which I think she is in a position to help and provide flexibility so I can further a business so I can in turn provide the security she deserves in her later years. If you gross $94,000 and put $5,000 a month back into the business, then you’re essentially making $34,000 a year. That’s not a huge amount of money, but it’s pretty damn good for a 24 year old who’s not yet a college graduate. Most people who make that much spend a large portion of their income on living expenses - rent, food, insurance, car payments, etc. What are you doing with it? ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/73 "2013-04-02T14:33:02Z")
Has **SirGladstone** ever lived on his own? Move out. You’ll be so much happier. Neither of you sound very happy right now. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/74 "2013-04-02T14:33:16Z")
Enginerd, that’s a good point about the renter not acquiring equity, but I’m also accounting for wear and tear, upkeep on the house. Things break and need replacing, repainting etc. Because I didn’t account for that… well, whatever. You’re right. $300 is a great deal. I still think it should be $300 plus utilities & cable/internet and half the chores. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/75 "2013-04-02T14:33:56Z")
In my house growing up, either you went to school or you paid rent. That’s it, full stop. You should be paying a fair rent, or moving out. I’m not going to get into whether or not you are running your business correctly or not, or any of the other stuff. Adults that work pay rent. Get on with it. ---
**Author:** ![chargerrich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chargerrich/32/5399_2.png) [@chargerrich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chargerrich)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/76 "2013-04-02T14:34:58Z")
What is most shocking here is that the ADULT son who is making almost six figures would even consider not helping his mother out who raised him for decades. The sense of entitlement in the “son’s” own words is astounding and reeks of selfishness. You are a 24 year old adult… you seriously think paying $300 a month which amounts to LESS THAN 5% of your income for a place to stay is unreasonable… for a TWENTY FOUR year old MAN?! You have started a business… great, what about the mom that raised you who is struggling? You have a student loan… yeah so what? That’s for YOUR benefit and you CLEARLY make enough to handle that loan. Your mother is not asking for a mint… I would bet her expenses alone for food and utilities for you alone FAR exceed 300 measly dollars. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS… Shame on you for even having to be asked. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/77 "2013-04-02T14:36:25Z")
He should pay rent. At least $500 a month. ---
**Author:** ![new\_york\_chic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d6d6ee/32.png) [@new\_york\_chic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/new_york_chic)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/78 "2013-04-02T14:39:13Z")
> [@SirGladstone](#): > > To make things even more clear, I am not sure where my mother is getting this I don’t feel I should pay thing, but it is more about how she treats me is why I don’t want to live there anymore. I figured another 300 while she finds someone to rent my room would be helpful to her. I do have the ability to get my own apartment. (not to sound like a #@#) Maybe you don’t realize how much more your own apartment would cost. I swear, kids these days are ungrateful. She raised you as a single mother. My own mother was widowed and raised us alone, we appreciate her for that to all ends of the earth. My 21 year old brother - still in college might i add - gives her half his paycheck from his part time job because he lives with her. Before I got married, and before my older brothers got married, we gave her our entire paychecks, while we were in college and living at home. If not for anything else, then for the fact that we are well aware she sacrificed a lot for us. Mom- Your son not being a druggie/chain smoker, isn’t something you should be thankful for, its something you should expect. Son- Your mother letting you live in her house past the age of 18 isn’t something you should take for granted. Sure, mothers NAG (boy do i know that), and yeah, they can get on your last nerve, but a mother is a mother, and the fact that she raised you single, when she could have put you out for the dogs, is reason enough to honor her. Me and my brothers each give my mom 500$ a month for living expenses, she has started to rent the basement, and she still gets half of my younger brothers paycheck, about 800ish a month. Living expenses for older women are not cheap. There’s medical/health costs, food costs, gas/electric costs, etc.. Aside from sending her that money each month one of my older brothers pays her phone bill, and he has a family to boot, a wife who hates my mom & hates that he gives her anything (she feels more entitled to his money because she’s married to him? yeah.. thats one SIL no one likes). After all that woman did for you, you really find it smart to whine about 10$ a day? Good luck finding an apartment in which you pay 3,650$ a year in without having to worry about other bills. That said, you can’t even find a dingy motel for 10 a day, let alone a house with someone who LOVES YOU and raised you; someone who’ll always have your best interest at heart. My mother made it clear to us as we were growing up that she wasn’t suffering for nothing.. that she wasn’t shielding us from possibly abusive stepfathers & working her @$$ off to pay our way through life for nothing.. she made it clear that we were going to support her when we grew older and care for her - not throwing her in a nursing home at the mercy of others… I have one brother who doesn’t do much - but he’s living on 600 a week and has a crappy job, so its acceptable in our eyes.. his wife knows the rest of us and our families help my mom out so she goes over at least twice a week to check on mom and help her out around the house, and we appreciate that enough to help her out financially since she’s out of a job. Family is about love, respect, endurance. Regardless of anything else, know that your mom could be dead tomorrow, and you suddenly won’t have the love and care you use to every time you got sick or hurt.. the hug that made it all better.. the kiss that made it all worth the while.. don’t take your family for granted.. especially not your mother.. in the words of some song “there is no other, love like a mothers, love for her child”.. and with that said, don’t take that love for granted. Pay your mom rent, and then some. She shouldn’t wait around tweedling her thumbs while you’re “building” yourself. you’re 24 man. Act like it. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/79 "2013-04-02T14:41:07Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Enginerd, that’s a good point about the renter not acquiring equity, but I’m also accounting for wear and tear, upkeep on the house. Things break and need replacing, repainting etc. Because I didn’t account for that… well, whatever. You’re right. $300 is a great deal. I still think it should be $300 plus utilities & cable/internet and half the chores. Completely agree - if it were me, I’d charge much more than $300, which makes the argument even more ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615/80 "2013-04-02T14:44:21Z")
> [@Poysyn](#): > > In my house growing up, either you went to school or you paid rent. That’s it, full stop. > > You should be paying a fair rent, or moving out. I’m not going to get into whether or not you are running your business correctly or not, or any of the other stuff. Adults that work pay rent. Get on with it. Oddly, the OP’s son is going to school (so is the OP). So based on your house growing up, would you pay rent then? Personally, I can’t imagine not just living with my parents but also 3 strangers on top of that. Even if the house is huge. Heck, I live with my partner in a 4 bedroom, 3 bath house with a separate tv room from the main living room and we’re still on top of each other. That being said, I wonder if there’s more being unsaid in this thread that we’re missing. That’s why I’m hesitant to give too much judgment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-teach-my-son-or-am-i-being-unreasonable/654615.md?page=5)