# Help me think of fun messages for fortune cookies! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 13, 2007, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085 "2007-02-13T22:27:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/1 "2007-02-13T22:27:57Z")
I am preparing some homemade fortune cookies for my sweetie for Valentine’s Day, and I’m going to have more than I need. I’m also going to be going to an event with several women from my chorus, and I thought it would be fun to take some for them, too. I was trying to think of a bunch by myself, and I realized I was neglecting a wonderful resource in the Dope! I’d like their fortunes to be funny, not serious. They all have excellent senses of humor, so slightly insulting is okay. 🙂 Because we all sing together, musical puns are welcome. ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/2 "2007-02-13T22:45:40Z")
I hope you didn’t eat the ‘chicken’ Take the time to enjoy the trip of a lifetime. You will return with genital warts. Duck!!! You have the keen mind of a chess champion. Remember to change the formaldehyde, or it will spoil. The one you love is closer than you think. Run, while you still can. Our first and last love is…self love. Remember to lock the door though. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/3 "2007-02-13T22:47:36Z")
You have the curves of a french horn, and the fingering’s just as complex. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/4 "2007-02-13T22:49:04Z")
It’s a bad day to be superstitious ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/5 "2007-02-13T23:01:03Z")
Your lucky number is 185,494,272,001.98. ---
**Author:** ![HoboStew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f17d59/32.png) [@HoboStew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoboStew)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/6 "2007-02-13T23:06:21Z")
Dont forget the time-tested classic: Help! I’m being held hostage in a Chinese Fortune Cookie factory! ---
**Author:** ![According\_to\_Pliny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@According\_to\_Pliny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/According_to_Pliny)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/7 "2007-02-13T23:35:35Z")
I made custom fortune cookies once and brought them out at an alumni party. Had specific fortunes like “Your lucky colors are [the team colors]” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/8 "2007-02-13T23:37:50Z")
You are about to eat a fortune cookie. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_Bowe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@Doug\_Bowe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_Bowe)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/9 "2007-02-14T00:16:45Z")
From Penn & Teller: The chef spit in your food. ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/10 "2007-02-14T00:27:02Z")
“This Cookie is temporarily out of order, we appologise for the inconvienience.” The next one requires you put 2 messages in same cookie One reads: “You are witty, urbane, well rounded, and your friends and loved ones think highly of you!” 2nd one reads “Don’t believe everything you read” “See Previous Cookie” “Fortune void if cookie broken” “Dear American Business Person: I represent a Nigerian Fortune Cookie millionaire…” regards FML ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/11 "2007-02-14T00:29:24Z")
Lucky numbers: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 ---
**Author:** ![TommyTutone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@TommyTutone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TommyTutone)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/12 "2007-02-14T01:52:46Z")
‘That wasn’t chicken’ ‘That lump is cancer’ ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/13 "2007-02-14T01:58:53Z")
You roundeye white devils will eat anything, won’t you? “Moo goo gai pan” is Cantonese for rats’ assholes. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/14 "2007-02-14T03:19:01Z")
[QUOTE=Full Metal Lotus] “Fortune void if cookie broken” [/QUOTE] Heh. I like all the ones I’ve seen, but this might be my favorite so far. I knew you guys wouldn’t let me down! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/15 "2007-02-14T03:37:33Z")
We’ve done this before. Lessee if I can remember what I wrote then: \*\*Inspected by No. 42 You will be visited by a …(Continued on next cookie) Subscribe to Chinese Restaurant Quarterly! Your waiter is sneaking up behind you with a very large cleaver…Be sure to leave a good tip. Best if served before August 1992 Errata – In Column B “Moo Pai Goo Pan” should be “Moo Goo Gai Pan” Hershey’s…Hershey’s…Hershey’s… AT&T 45 7/8…IBM 27 5/8…CCH …221B… This is an edible grenade, and you have just pulled the pin. Run. Your Lucky Numbers – 四十二 三十七 二十五 六十二 八十 \*\* ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/16 "2007-02-14T04:03:50Z")
No really great suggestions, I just want your recipe for making your own fortune cookies. Assuming you have tested it before and know it’s good, that is 😉 ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/17 "2007-02-14T13:11:55Z")
Of course! I made them for the first time yesterday, and they were tasty. Mr. Stuff got his this morning and liked them, both the idea and the cookies themselves. Fortune Cookies 2 1/3 ounces bread flour 1/2 cup sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 egg whites 1. Combine flour and remaining ingredients in a food processor; process until blended. Scrape batter into a bowl using a rubber spatula; cover and chill 1 hour. 2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. 3. Cover 2 large baking sheets with parchment paper. Draw 3 3" circles on paper. Turn paper over; secure with masking tape. Spoon 1 tsp. batter into center of each of the 3 drawn circles; spread evenly to fill circle. 4. Bake one sheet at 400 degrees for 5 minutes or until the cookies are brown just around the edges. Remove from oven. Working quickly, loosen edges of cookies with a spatula, and turn over. 5. Lay the handle of a wooden spoon and a prepared fortune along the center of 1 cookie. Fold cookie over so the edges meet over the spoon handle; press edges together. Remove spoon. Gently pull the ends of the cookie down over the rim of a small bowl (or jar); hold for a few seconds or until set. Repeat procedure with remaining cookies. 6. Repeat procedure until all the batter is used. Cool cookies completely; store in an airtight container. I did actually use bread flour because I have some, but I don’t expect that the consequences will actually be tragic if you just use all-purpose. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/18 "2007-02-14T14:27:09Z")
You are deathly allergic to monosodium glutamate. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/19 "2007-02-14T14:31:36Z")
Thanks!! I do love me some fortune cookies 😃 (Just to make sure I have it right: you bake them ON the paper, right?) ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085/20 "2007-02-14T14:56:48Z")
You are about to take a short sea voyage. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-think-of-fun-messages-for-fortune-cookies/392085.md?page=2)