# Help me turn evil **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454 "2001-10-10T00:19:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Winkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/41988e/32.png) [@Winkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winkie)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/21 "2001-10-11T00:33:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tranquilis \* > \*\*Well, here’s a _ **great** _ place to get [started](http://www.eviloverlord.com/). > > \*\* And a related site is here: [So You’ve Decided To Be Evil](http://evil-guide.tripod.com/). Lots of good info for the apsiring evil-doer! ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/22 "2001-10-11T00:50:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ballybay \* > **For starters, Grok, do you happen to have a goatee? The first step to being evil is getting down the Mephistophelean look.** Yes! I’ve been trying to get Grok to grow a goatee since we met, because he told me he had one once, and it made him look “like he just went over the wall on Riker’s Island.” I don’t normally like facial hair, but that sounds, well… evil in just the _best_ way! (I’ll allow that he does look mighty handsome with that weekend stubble going on, at least…) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Grok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Grok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grok)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/23 "2001-10-11T01:12:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Creaky \* > \*\*Yes! I’ve been trying to get Grok to grow a goatee since we met, because he told me he had one once, and it made him look “like he just went over the wall on Riker’s Island.” > > I don’t normally like facial hair, but that sounds, well… evil in just the _best_ way! > > (I’ll allow that he does look mighty handsome with that weekend stubble going on, at least…) 😃 \*\* Beat it Creaky! **Geobabe** was just about to demonstrate the powers of her miniskirt for me… And **Ike** , what was wrong with my pants? ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/24 "2001-10-11T03:36:03Z")
Now that I think about it, wasn’t I supposed to lure **Creaky** out for some karaoke? I seem to recall discussing that way back in May but for some reason I never did it. I know some great shows in Northern Virginia… Hey, I said I was evil. ---
**Author:** ![NutWrench](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nutwrench/32/20193_2.png) [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/25 "2001-10-11T03:59:44Z")
Find a University that specializes in Masters programs in Evil (M.E.) Don’t specialize in one particular field: when it comes to World Domination, it is important to remain diverse. I recommend several degrees in high-energy physics, nano-technology, biology, organic chemistry and Trivial Pursuit. You wouldn’t want to hear your colleagues say, “Oh here comes Grok with his army of killer robots, again!” Wile E Coyote never used the same method twice. Why should you? ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/26 "2001-10-11T14:56:45Z")
> [@](#): > > And a related site is here: > [So You’ve Decided To Be Evil](http://evil-guide.tripod.com/). > > Lots of good info for the apsiring evil-doer! D\*mn! I was looking for that site, but my link failed. They’ve moved servers, and I couldn’t find the bugger (and they didn’t tell me! That was pretty evil of them.). Folks, **Winkie** ’s link points to the best all-around Primer Of Evil extant on the Web today. Go get some! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/27 "2001-10-11T15:26:50Z")
You’ll be needing a white persian cat and a black leather swivel chair with buttons in the armrests, the eye patch is optional. ---
**Author:** ![FrankSC97](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@FrankSC97](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrankSC97)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/28 "2001-10-11T16:36:04Z")
Since you’re going for the “Evil Genius Out to Ruin Society” you need a good scowl. It need to be so mean and hate-filled that children instantly cry. Weak willed targets (er, civilians) should wet their pants. Governments should cringe at the sight of your scowl. Once you have that the only other thing you need is to be able to wither plant life by being nearby. With those two tools you can truly be an Evil Overlord. I’m still working on the scowl. Right now I can turn smiles upside-down. ---
**Author:** ![Hanofer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@Hanofer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanofer)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/29 "2001-10-11T22:53:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ballybay \* > **For starters, Grok, do you happen to have a goatee? The first step to being evil is getting down the Mephistophelean look.** Nope, don’t do that. I point you to item No. 35 of the Evil Overlord List: _I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X._ ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/30 "2001-10-11T23:21:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Geobabe \* > \*\*Now that I think about it, wasn’t I supposed to lure **Creaky** out for some karaoke? I seem to recall discussing that way back in May but for some reason I never did it. I know some great shows in Northern Virginia… > Hey, I said I was evil. \*\* Thanks, **Geobabe**. At least there’s _somebody_ who can appreciate and embrace the true evil that karaoke is. Yeah, baby! Evil Karaoke Night. I’m ready! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Grok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Grok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grok)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/31 "2001-10-12T00:46:34Z")
Maybe I’m not cut out for evil **Geobabe** and **Creaky** - I can’t stomach karaoke. Although I’m certain it helps, hopefully it’s not a requirement for ultimate evil. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/32 "2001-10-12T03:25:51Z")
Come, **Creaky** , forget him. Come with me, and with karaoke, we shall conquer the world!!! BWAHAHAHAAAA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/33 "2001-10-12T03:44:06Z")
> [@](#): > > BWAHAHAHAAAA!!! Item 20 on the Evil Overlord list: > [@](#): > > Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. [sub]I’ve got the most evil laugh around these-here parts, and I’m still just a minion. It doesn’t help as much as you’d think…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![DarkWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee59a6/32.png) [@DarkWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkWriter)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/34 "2001-10-12T04:51:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Trucido \* > **[li]Volunteer at a children’s cancer ward, and use hand puppets modeled on biblical characters to explain why cancer is God’s way of saying you’re going to hell.[/li][/list]** Proof positive that I’m in the right place. Humor at its blackest. \ I’m home. Sheri ---
**Author:** ![Eternal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecb155/32.png) [@Eternal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eternal)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/35 "2001-10-12T05:45:04Z")
If you’re just a wannabe evildoer, you may have to fight to fit in in evildoer society. Be prepared to eat kittens to show your evil. How many _Tick_ cartoon references do you get around here anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/36 "2001-10-12T07:00:19Z")
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/37 "2001-10-13T03:30:00Z")
Get photos made of youself with angry Bert. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/38 "2001-10-13T04:59:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tranquilis \* > \*\* Item 20 on the Evil Overlord list: > > > [@](#): > > > > Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. > > [sub]I’ve got the most evil laugh around these-here parts, and I’m still just a minion. It doesn’t help as much as you’d think…[/sub] \*\* I believe most sincerely that the evilness that is karaoke is more than enough to overcome any deleterious effects of maniacal laughter. Oh, and for you, **Eternal** : You know, evil comes in many forms, be it a Man-Eating Cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can’t let the package hide the pudding. Evil is just plain bad! You don’t cotton to it. You got to smack it in the nose with the rolled up newspaper of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog! And you don’t do it for money. No. You do it for love. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/39 "2001-10-13T05:45:23Z")
Don’t worry about Eternal, Geobabe. Yeah…even now he sulks like Achilles in his tent. Achilles?..It’s the Iliad?..It’s Homer?.. Read a book! ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454/40 "2001-10-13T05:56:38Z")
Fools. I’ll destroy you all! Guards! Seize them! SEIZE THEM!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-turn-evil/86454.md?page=3)