# Help me understand "Gay Pride"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2019, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670 "2019-07-07T14:34:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/121 "2019-07-08T17:33:18Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Emotional appeals don’t work on me. Luckily, it’s not all about you. I quoted you in my reply, but there **are** other people in the world. In this thread, even! ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/122 "2019-07-08T17:34:49Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Not really, you could have just stayed hidden and overcome those parts. Also you didn’t overcome anything so much as nagged people into allowing you to play with everyone else. Also your level risk/return seems way off if going to a bar was worth losing all that. > > There is nothing to celebrate or be proud of, you are making mountains out of molehills. This is, perhaps, the most ignorant and offensive post of all time. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/123 "2019-07-08T18:00:55Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > This is, perhaps, the most ignorant and offensive post of all time. It’s more realistic. Placing such importance on a bar over everything else shows how humans can rationalize just about anything. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/124 "2019-07-08T18:02:04Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Luckily, it’s not all about you. > > I quoted you in my reply, but there **are** other people in the world. In this thread, even! The comment was directed at me though. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/125 "2019-07-08T18:03:23Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > It’s more realistic. Placing such importance on a bar over everything else shows how humans can rationalize just about anything. If you think the “bar” is the point of the story, you’re really not comprehending **Panache45**. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/126 "2019-07-08T18:06:07Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Being on the spectrum and I guess you can say being gay (though the last one is more like a condition I tolerate, first one is harder to do). So you are totally “okay” with hiding both of those aspects of your self, with never being your true self? ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/127 "2019-07-08T18:13:31Z")
This thread is turning into a bit of a train wreck, but I’ll point out something that I don’t think has been mentioned: you’re always coming out. And this gets exhausting. Every person you meet, you always have to think about your pronouns. No straight person would ever hesitate about saying, ‘My wife and I went to dinner at the new Italian restaurant down the street.’ in casual workplace chat. A gay person does have to think about that type of a statement and do they want to say boyfriend, husband, partner, or be vague. I don’t hide anything any longer, but I don’t know what I’d do outside my bubble. But, it took me a long time to get to this point in my life. So, yes, I’m proud. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/128 "2019-07-08T18:15:52Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > So you are totally “okay” with hiding both of those aspects of your self, with never being your true self? You learn quickly in psychology and sociology that there is no basis for a “true self”. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/129 "2019-07-08T18:19:52Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > This thread is turning into a bit of a train wreck, but I’ll point out something that I don’t think has been mentioned: you’re always coming out. And this gets exhausting. Every person you meet, you always have to think about your pronouns. No straight person would ever hesitate about saying, ‘My wife and I went to dinner at the new Italian restaurant down the street.’ in casual workplace chat. A gay person does have to think about that type of a statement and do they want to say boyfriend, husband, partner, or be vague. > > I don’t hide anything any longer, but I don’t know what I’d do outside my bubble. But, it took me a long time to get to this point in my life. So, yes, I’m proud. That’s kind of a low bar. I remember when it came to me it was easy to side around such words or conversations. It’s hard for you because you are attaching to some kind of identity that you don’t want to let go. I mean you see plenty of Buddhists doing fine and more than a few monks. You’re not always coming out, you just don’t want to let go of that story. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/130 "2019-07-08T18:19:57Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > This thread is turning into a bit of a train wreck, but I’ll point out something that I don’t think has been mentioned: you’re always coming out. And this gets exhausting. Every person you meet, you always have to think about your pronouns. No straight person would ever hesitate about saying, ‘My wife and I went to dinner at the new Italian restaurant down the street.’ in casual workplace chat. A gay person does have to think about that type of a statement and do they want to say boyfriend, husband, partner, or be vague. > > I don’t hide anything any longer, but I don’t know what I’d do outside my bubble. But, it took me a long time to get to this point in my life. So, yes, I’m proud. Sounds to me like the part that some in the thread aren’t really getting is that Pride celebrations aren’t so much just pride in being gay as an absolute thing, but rather pride in being gay _and out_, but the “and out” is more or less assumed/unspoken? ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/131 "2019-07-08T18:20:35Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > You should save your sympathy for those who can’t blend in. Surely that timidity is exactly what Gay Pride is an antidote to. It sounds like if you were more at ease with your gayness, we might have fewer troubled threads about alienation from you. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/132 "2019-07-08T18:22:38Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > You learn quickly in psychology and sociology that there is no basis for a “true self”. Ah, so luckily for you, you don’t have to hide anything then! No true self, no uncomfortable masks to wear, no lies -by omission or otherwise- you need to tell ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/133 "2019-07-08T18:41:17Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Being on the spectrum and I guess you can say being gay (though the last one is more like a condition I tolerate, first one is harder to do). Now we’re getting somewhere. And how do you feel about that?.. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/134 "2019-07-08T18:45:57Z")
> [@Staggerlee](#): > > Surely that timidity is exactly what Gay Pride is an antidote to. > > It sounds like if you were more at ease with your gayness, we might have fewer troubled threads about alienation from you. YOu haven’t read a word I wrote did you? ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/135 "2019-07-08T18:47:21Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Now we’re getting somewhere. > > And how do you feel about that?.. Something I didn’t ask for that affects my life that compels me to do things I don’t like or want to do. It’s a sickness (well that’s not right, more like a condition) that you learn to manage. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/136 "2019-07-08T18:51:24Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Something I didn’t ask for that affects my life that compels me to do things I don’t like or want to do. It’s a sickness (well that’s not right, more like a condition) that you learn to manage. … … Did you just say homosexuality is a sickness -no wait, more of a condition? ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/137 "2019-07-08T18:51:44Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Ah, so luckily for you, you don’t have to hide anything then! No true self, no uncomfortable masks to wear, no lies -by omission or otherwise- you need to tell You miss my point, the point I’m getting at is that gay pride is rooted in this false construct of a “true self” that they have to be. Much of Eastern philosophy argues that point, and sociology and psychology seem to be arriving there as well. If you want to put a point to it they are fighting over nothing and for nothing. It’s just a body, there is no “one” inside. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/138 "2019-07-08T18:53:17Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > … > … > Did you just say homosexuality is a sickness -no wait, more of a condition? In my case yes. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/139 "2019-07-08T18:55:29Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > Kind been doing that for 10 years and I’m doing ok. Literally nothing that you’ve ever posted on this board gives me the impression that you’re “doing ok.” ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2019, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670/140 "2019-07-08T19:05:34Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Literally nothing that you’ve ever posted on this board gives me the impression that you’re “doing ok.” Those topics are unrelated to my being gay or on the spectrum (well maybe the result of the traits that being on the spectrum gets you). As for the being gay, it’s manageable. I mean wondering on the true nature of reality and what you “really are” affects my life far more than who I’m sexually into (and if I’m honest are far worth discovering than something this trivial). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-understand-gay-pride/836670.md?page=8)