# Help me with a plausible lie to get out of a holiday get-together
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 25, 2019, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969 "2019-11-25T16:45:19Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/1 "2019-11-25T16:45:19Z")
I thought I’d solved this, my SO and my tradition, which the family knows, is that we volunteer on T-day. Problem solved. Then we come home and eat nachos.
We’re not gregarious people, we prefer each other’s company, reading, watching TV etc. Very boring.
Now a “day after turkey day” is planned. My extended family and my brother’s partner’s extended. Around 40 people. Bad weather is predicted, so the lovely patio will probably be off limits. Not a very big house with a TEENY kitchen. My 3 sibs and partners, her 2 kids and partners, her brother, mother and other family. My sibs kids with their kids. We don’t have kids, we don’t particularly like kids, especially very demanding needy kids who don’t seem to be able to amuse themselves and are underfoot making conversation impossible.
Add my mother who one sister insists on bringing. Mother has late ALZ, is incontinent, deaf, and yes, the very same mother who is being booted from her current nursing home for being aggressive, combatant and nasty.
There will, if history serves, also be 3 or 4 dogs of family. Event starts a 4p, which IMHO is too late.
Can someone give me a plausible lie, please??? Since I already skip Tday every damn year, can I get away with “No thanks, we’re staying home.” ?
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Sensitive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Sensitive)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/2 "2019-11-25T16:54:01Z")
“I’m sorry, we won’t be able to make it. I hope you have a good time.” Add “We already had plans.” if desired. Doesn’t matter if you planned to Black Friday shop, sleep, or watch college football.
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/3 "2019-11-25T16:56:14Z")
Why lie? Just say, “Thanks for the invite, but we won’t be coming. Have a great time!”
The weather and start time are good reasons if they bug you about it.
See what I get for typing too slow? Looks like I just copied the poster above. :mad:
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### Author:  [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/4 "2019-11-25T17:15:23Z")
Combative, dammit. Mom is combative.
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### Author:  [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/5 "2019-11-25T17:20:24Z")
“New phone, who dis?”
(Or maybe “we have [symptoms of contagious illness] and hate to risk spreading. Sorry to miss the day, y’all eat a piece of pie for me!”
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### Author:  [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/6 "2019-11-25T17:27:31Z")
I got out of a get-together just last night when a friend called and I amazed myself by saying “Oh, sorry. We already have plans.” My usual schtick is to over-explain and over-apologize until I end up promising to stop by for the second half of festivities. But I held my ground, and was still empathetic as I said four times that we couldn’t come with an explanation.
_“But it’ll be wonderful! Mitch and Mel will be there!”_ “Yeah, we just can’t. Darn.” _“Well, then I’m giving your spot to Jake and Jenine.”_ There are spots now? “Well, I do hope they can come. They’d love it.” (and we wouldn’t…)
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### Author:  [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/7 "2019-11-25T17:36:33Z")
From your other thread about Mom getting kicked out of the care home, it sounds like you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. My choice would be to take the damning of not being there. I agree with the honest, “Thank you, but no.” suggested above. I’ve gotten to the point in my life (nearing 60) that I’m able to ignore the guilt trip others try to push on me. “To thine own self be true”.
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/8 "2019-11-25T17:46:11Z")
“Wow, wish you’d have mentioned this to me earlier, we’ve already made plans”.
(But beware the reply, “But I haven’t mentioned a specific date yet”.)
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### Author:  [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/9 "2019-11-25T18:12:19Z")
“I’m not feeling well, I might be coming down with something, and with that many other people there, I’d hate for anyone else to catch it.”
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### Author:  [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/10 "2019-11-25T18:17:44Z")
The problem with a lie is that it becomes old real fast and you can only back out so many times before it becomes obvious. What happens if the post Thanksgiving party goes so well for everyone else that they decide to do an after Christmas party?
Yeah, I’m an ass, but I straight out tell people that I don’t like parties and especially kids. I’m honest to the point where I’ve told my good friends that I won’t attend their wedding, but would be glad to attend their 10th anniversary if they make it to that point.
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### Author:  [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/11 "2019-11-25T18:25:12Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#):
>
> can I get away with “No thanks, we’re staying home.” ?
What’s the worst they could do to you? Kick you out of the family? At least then you wouldn’t have to go to any more of their get-togethers.
**lingyi** ’s point is apt. Do you want a short-term strategy that will keep you out of this particular get-together, or a long-term strategy that will help you avoid such things in general?
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### Author:  [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/12 "2019-11-25T18:39:45Z")
I’m with the majority here: avoid telling lies, as they often come back to bite you one way or another. When invited, it should be enough to say “thanks for the invite, but we’re going to pass; we’ve got plans.”
If the inviter is socially inept enough to then inquire as to the nature of your plans, you can tell them you are planning a nice quiet stress-free day at home.
If the inviter looks shocked or bothered by your lack of interest in the chaotic gathering you describe, you can relate to them the description in your OP, albeit perhaps in slightly more diplomatic terms. You may wish to compose that short description in your mind in advance, so you can spit it out smoothly if the need arises.
If the inviter continues to try to convince you, just say flatly “we’re not coming,” as many times as it takes. Maybe once or twice before changing the subject (or saying goodbye and hanging up).
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### Author:  [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/13 "2019-11-25T20:32:14Z")
I’m scum. My friend’s wife is in ICU and the news isn’t good. In the back of my mind I’m thinking how convenient it would be if she flatlines so I wouldn’t have to visit relatives.
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### Author:  [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/14 "2019-11-25T20:40:21Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#):
>
> I’m scum. My friend’s wife is in ICU and the news isn’t good. In the back of my mind I’m thinking how convenient it would be if she flatlines so I wouldn’t have to visit relatives.
You’re not, I get it
Best wishes for the outcome you want
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### Author:  [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/15 "2019-11-25T22:33:04Z")
Call around that morning and ask if anyone else has been up all night puking. “Did you have the yams? They were good, but there was a metallic aftertaste…” “The bit of turkey I had was a little pinkish now that I think about it…”
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### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/16 "2019-11-25T22:37:47Z")
I have a feeling that this get-together won’t last very long anyway if your mother shows up.
If you don’t want to go, don’t.
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### Author:  [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/17 "2019-11-25T22:43:10Z")
My go-to excuse is that I shouldn’t drive after dark, so no matter when it starts, if it ends after dark I, uh, can’t make it, sorry.
This is pretty much true in that I am night blind and it’s not getting better. Also true that I will make an exception and find a workaround if I want to. But not everybody knows that, in fact not anybdy knows that.
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### Author:  [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/18 "2019-11-25T22:52:03Z")
Look, if you don’t go, is there someone else who can report on it? I for one want to hear what a drunk aunt yells at the kids to shut them up, which dog bites Grandpa, and who your mom ends up braining with her cane.
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### Author:  [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/19 "2019-11-25T23:06:42Z")
How far is the drive? I know bad driving weather, and family stress shortens lives.Is it a sit down affair or buffet style? IF it’s reasonably close within an hour arrive early, wait for Mom “pay your repsects”, ask if sisters need anything before you go, and skedaddle. I know the long weekend beckons to putter about at home and cocoon. I should dirve the 2.5 hours to Chicago to see MIL, then drive back home same day. My idea, he says I caaan’t.
not helpful, sorry, don’t make up a story though.
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### Author:  [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2019, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-with-a-plausible-lie-to-get-out-of-a-holiday-get-together/843969/20 "2019-11-25T23:11:12Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#):
>
> Why lie? Just say, “Thanks for the invite, but we won’t be coming. Have a great time!”
I have long since abandoned the concept of suffering through gruesome events with unpleasant family members.
If I have to choose between enduring these things and being somewhat of a family pariah, pariah-dom wins out every time.
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