# Help me write a condolence note
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [September 28, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839 "2011-09-28T02:49:36Z")
**Posts on this page:** 9
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@GameHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GameHat)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/1 "2011-09-28T02:49:36Z")
I want to send a note of condolence, but I’m not sure what to say. Here’s the situation:
My Aunt’s sister died young very recently in a tragic motorcycle crash. I didn’t know this woman (Aunt is my father’s brother’s wife, never met her sister.) I’m most concerned about my Aunt.
Said Aunt is a solid gold person. She was especially kind to me about eight years ago when I was lost and alone at a new job in a strange city (she lived nearby.) I’m very grateful to her for this. We haven’t spoken a whole lot since then, but I’m very sorry for her loss and want to send her a note saying so.
The standard google search for “condolence note” is failing me. Most of the suggestions are things like “mention something nice” or “recall a fond memory” of the deceased. Thing is, I never knew this woman. This note needs to be about my Aunt and her loss, as I didn’t know her sister. I’m not sure what to write.
Any suggestions?
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/2 "2011-09-28T03:29:38Z")
“I never met your sister, but I wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you as you deal with this difficult time. Wishing you peace and strength in the days ahead.”
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### Author:  [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/3 "2011-09-28T03:36:50Z")
You’ve mostly written it right there. You talk about how you feel about her, and how you’re sorry she’s hurting. Like this:
Dear Aunt,
I’m very sorry to hear of the death of your sister. You’re such a wonderful person, I’m very sad to know you’re hurting from such a devastating loss. You were very kind to me when I needed it when I moved to a new city, and I hope that I can repay some of that kindness by doing whatever it is that I can do to help, even if all I can do is listen.
If there is some charity to which you would like me to direct a donation in your sister’s name, I’d be happy to do so. (If you are, I mean, or something like that.)
Please know that you can call me whenever you want, and I’m happy to talk any time.
Love,
Gamehat
That’s what I would do.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/4 "2011-09-28T06:23:23Z")
What Gleena said.
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### Author:  [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/5 "2011-09-28T20:44:25Z")
The only change I’d make to that note is to swap the word “death” for something like “loss.” (And maybe change the “loss” in the second sentence to something else so you don’t have two "loss"es. “Death” just seems like such a harsh word for a condolence note.
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### Author:  [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/6 "2011-09-28T20:56:50Z")
I like **Gleena** ’s draft as well, but yeah, don’t use the word “death.”
Also, in these kinds of situations, less is usually more. You don’t need to write a novel or even be particularly original. Your aunt will be pleased that you’re thinking of her and will initiate further contact if she chooses.
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### Author:  [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2011, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/7 "2011-09-28T21:21:28Z")
Change “death” to “passing.” Leave the original “loss” as is.
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### Author:  [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2011, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/8 "2011-09-29T05:09:36Z")
I acutally used death because I had loss in there twice, and couldn’t think what other word to use that didn’t kinda sound Jesusy (in case Gamehat isn’t) or not Jesusy enough (in case Gamehat is).
Passing is good. I should have thought of that.
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### Author:  [@GameHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GameHat)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2011, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-condolence-note/597839/9 "2011-09-30T01:39:23Z")
This is all really good advice, and I thank you all. I’m writing the note tonight.
I did chuckle though at this last post.
Let’s just say GameHat is about the right level of Jesusy.
😃