# Help me write a toast for my kids wedding. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 15, 2011, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964 "2011-05-15T04:58:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/1 "2011-05-15T04:58:19Z")
My oldest son is buying the cow and marrying the woman he’s been living with for the last 3 years. It was a short engagement. About 2 months ago they just up and decided they’d tie the knot the Sunday before memorial Day. This is still longer than the 29 day engagement my wife and I had. It will be a very small wedding. A few family members and a Judge. The reception will be about 30 people at a restaurant my younger son owns. My wife says I will have to make a toast to the bride and groom. I did not make one at my other sons wedding, his best man did. Give me some tips, please. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/2 "2011-05-15T06:06:23Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > My oldest son is buying the cow and marrying the woman he’s been living with for the last 3 years. It was a short engagement. About 2 months ago they just up and decided they’d tie the knot the Sunday before memorial Day. This is still longer than the 29 day engagement my wife and I had. > > It will be a very small wedding. A few family members and a Judge. The reception will be about 30 people at a restaurant my younger son owns. > > My wife says I will have to make a toast to the bride and groom. I did not make one at my other sons wedding, his best man did. > > Give me some tips, please. Make it funny. Direct most of the humor towards your son. Acknowledge your wonderful marriage to your wife. End on a sappy note. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/3 "2011-05-15T08:12:49Z")
“May this be the worst day of your marriage.” I’m putting it in quotes because I think someone said something similar in a Bridezillas thread, that the wedding should not be “the best day of anybody’s life” and that often it’s spent in such a haze that hopefully the rest of the marriage will be better. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/4 "2011-05-15T13:33:04Z")
Don’t tell too many jokes. Everyone thinks they’re a big time comedian when they do wedding speeches and nobody likes it. You love your son, right? Tell us about him and his wife. ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/5 "2011-05-15T13:35:36Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > **My oldest son is buying the cow and marrying the woman he’s been living with for the last 3 years**. There’s your toast. Congrats on buying the cow son!!!That should go over really well:p ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/6 "2011-05-15T14:08:00Z")
I agree to keep it simple and don’t push the jokes. Introduce yourself, say something nice about your son, say something nice about his lovely bride, one reason they are perfect for each other, we’re so happy for you, cheers, sit down. ---
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/7 "2011-05-15T15:00:21Z")
Cute stories about your son as a child could be a nice touch, if you have some that aren’t too excruciating for him. I didn’t have my dad do the Father of the Bride speech at our wedding (complicated parental divorce made it too much to ask at the time) and I always feel wistful that I didn’t get that bit when I hear it at other people’s weddings. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/8 "2011-05-15T15:16:09Z")
Yeah, cut back on the funny, leave out all references to cows and just be sincere. It’s not that hard, just remember this isn’t a roast, say nothing that will embarrass him. Your speech should make your son proud of his father, not make everyone laugh at his expense. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/9 "2011-05-15T15:25:21Z")
“This day’s been a long time coming. We’ve all known for a while now that she’s the best thing that could have ever happened to him. I’m just glad he finally smartened up enough to realize it. Welcome to the family.” ok, thats terrible. Back to the old drawing board… ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/10 "2011-05-15T19:01:22Z")
“May all your troubles be little ones.” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/11 "2011-05-15T22:15:22Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > “This day’s been a long time coming. We’ve all known for a while now that she’s the best thing that could have ever happened to him. I’m just glad he finally smartened up enough to realize it. Welcome to the family.” > ok, thats terrible. Back to the old drawing board… That’s pretty close to the toast I gave at my brother’s wedding. It went over well. I have pretty good comic timing though. I think jokes are good, it gets people smiling. And there are a lot of stressed people at weddings. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/12 "2011-05-15T22:17:54Z")
For 3 years, these two have lived and loved one another without vows, without a contract, without a legal, binding agreement that behooved them to stay together. For three years love was enough to hold them together, to make them a couple. Today they signed the contract and took the vows that proved to the rest of the world what we here already knew: (Mark) and (Janet) are family. We are happy for you, we love you, and we believe in you. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/13 "2011-05-16T03:42:06Z")
> [@legalsnugs](#): > > “May all your troubles be little ones.” Is that a pun about children? Because she already has 2 from a previous marriage. And my son is not sure he wants any of his own. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/14 "2011-05-16T03:55:58Z")
My go to has always been: “May the worst days of your time together hold more joy than the best days of your time apart” ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/15 "2011-05-16T05:03:33Z")
I would not use humour in a wedding toast, unless your 100% sure it’s gonna be accepted by everyone. Humour is too hard to judge for most people and brides often don’t find it funny, no matter how well meant or how funny it may be And when you start out this thread by saying > [@](#): > > My oldest son is buying the cow I don’t think the humour is gonna go off well from the bride’s view 🙂 Keep the toast short, wish everyone well and then get on with the celebration. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/16 "2011-05-16T05:28:57Z")
This is why I specifically mentioned directing the humor at the OP’s son. ‘Buying the cow’ won’t go well with the bride of her family. The humorous subjects should be things that both families would be willing to laugh at themselves. So avoid a wedding toast joke I once heard: \_\_\_\_\_ is a genius, and \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ is Polish, so they’ll have average children. If there aren’t suitable jokes about the bride and groom, use self-deprecating humor. But in public speaking, outside of funerals and announcements about death and disaster, always open with a joke. ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/17 "2011-05-16T17:44:40Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > Is that a pun about children? Because she already has 2 from a previous marriage. And my son is not sure he wants any of his own. Um…it wasn’t obvious? These are the jokes, folks, but you gotta use some common sense. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![fumster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/18 "2011-05-17T06:47:23Z")
Don’t be cute or funny, just sincere (or fake it if you can’t stand her). Congratulations, welcome bride to the family, nice to meet the in-laws, and then sit down. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/19 "2011-05-17T07:12:25Z")
You _can_ be cute and funny but only if you really, really know you can pull it off. Your wife should be a good barometer on this count. I’ve heard somewhere around a thousand wedding toasts and I will say that you can never go wrong by keeping it short, sweet, and sincere. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964/20 "2011-05-17T07:29:20Z")
> [@legalsnugs](#): > > Um…it wasn’t obvious? > > These are the jokes, folks, but you gotta use some common sense. :rolleyes: Use yours. Reverse it. “May your little ones be troubles” is not a good toast. Hell, it’s a curse. Bad form. Also, don’t use the roll eyes smiley when your “joke” gets called a bad idea. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-me-write-a-toast-for-my-kids-wedding/581964.md?page=2)