# Help!! My cousin is retarted!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [February 1, 2011, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759 "2011-02-01T06:01:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![copperwindow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@copperwindow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/copperwindow)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/1 "2011-02-01T06:01:13Z")
I have a cousin who, I just found out, is mentally retarded. Can he go to heaven when he dies? ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/2 "2011-02-01T06:03:27Z")
Yes, but he has to take the short bus. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/3 "2011-02-01T06:06:32Z")
So, judging by the title…he used to dress like a British prostitute, and then he changed his look, but now he’s gone back to dressing like a hooker? And you need fashion tips? ---
**Author:** ![copperwindow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@copperwindow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/copperwindow)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/4 "2011-02-01T06:09:31Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > So, judging by the title…he used to dress like a British prostitute, and then he changed his look, but now he’s gone back to dressing like a hooker? And you need fashion tips? What the hell are you talking about??? ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/5 "2011-02-01T06:09:43Z")
Find the right man in a Halloween costume-- a priest-- to give you the answer you desire. “Of course he will, my child”. I could say that too and it would be just as true as a lie. No heaven for anyone. It is fiction. Just do your best to help him enjoy his life to the fullest. Retardation is not a factor for how happy and fulfilled you can be on this planet. I’m sure he’s a great person already. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/6 "2011-02-01T06:09:44Z")
So, you’re saying _your cousin_ is the mentally-challenged one in the family… ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/7 "2011-02-01T06:12:58Z")
> [@copperwindow](#): > > What the hell are you talking about??? There might be something just a little bit ironic about the title of this thread. And maybe I sorta punned on it in blatantly obvious fashion. ---
**Author:** ![copperwindow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@copperwindow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/copperwindow)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/8 "2011-02-01T06:13:04Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Yes, but he has to take the short bus. I’m very troubled by the whole event, can you please not joke about this? Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/9 "2011-02-01T06:22:27Z")
> [@copperwindow](#): > > I’m very troubled by the whole event, can you please not joke about this? Thank you. That might be easier to believe if you had chosen (and spelled correctly) a more respectful term for the alleged condition. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/10 "2011-02-01T06:23:36Z")
You seem to have misspelled the word “retarded”. You used “retarted”, which gives the impression that it is genetic and that your cousin is a slut. Sluts do not go to heaven, but they do go everywhere else. Retarded people, on the other hand, are known to live in Crawford, Texas. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/11 "2011-02-01T06:26:09Z")
Depends what you want to believe. Some of faith claim that if you can’t consciously male a claim to accept Jesus as your savior, you got no chance. Others in Catholic school told me that it is okay to take medicine (for things like schizophrenia) is okay because it will help them and they can eventually accept Jesus. Some believers will tell you only god provides, so no medicine and purgatory is all you get. Others will tell you everyone from Hitler to their first childhood dog is waiting for them there. With all of this BS about an afterlife in the first place, why worry about it at all? His time here on earth is what’s important. For me, if it is all up to a skydaddy allegedly responsible for killing 33 million of his own creation, I doubt he’d be a creature of sympathy to anyone, no matter how just or how handicapped. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/12 "2011-02-01T06:44:06Z")
It would help if you could find out exactly what medical condition your cousin has, rather than the blanket term “retarded” (which, incidentally, is considered by some to be impolite) Then, you can check with a respected clergyman near you. They should have a detailed list of which conditions will get into heaven, and which are banned. I think the King James version of the bible has an appendix with a list of who is in and who is out. Generally, God is pretty good with some of them, but he gets really pissed off if someone is just faking it to get out of gym class. ---
**Author:** ![godix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/278dde/32.png) [@godix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godix)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/13 "2011-02-01T06:47:47Z")
I thought you had to be retarded to believe in heaven to begin with? ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/14 "2011-02-01T06:48:20Z")
> [@copperwindow](#): > > I’m very troubled by the whole event, can you please not joke about this? Thank you. I didn’t think this was a serious question. Sorry. If you believe that God created your cousin with mental retardation, and if you believe that God is a just and loving God, then then you must also believe that God will allow your cousin to enter Heaven. For God to condemn someone to eternal damnation because they are retarded according to His own will would be an act of profound injustice and show a complete lack of love. It depends on what kind of cruel monster you believe your God is. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/15 "2011-02-01T06:56:39Z")
So it comes down to whether God is a sadist or a dick. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/16 "2011-02-01T07:01:23Z")
Let me put this in terms the OP would understand. Your cousin has the mind of a young child, right? According to most Christian faiths, young children who die (God forbid) automatically go to Heaven. Therefore, your cousin, who will be, in God’s eyes, a child his entire life, will also automatically go to Heaven when he dies. So really, he’s the last person you have to worry about getting into Heaven. It’s a done deal. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/17 "2011-02-01T07:08:08Z")
> [@copperwindow](#): > > I have a cousin who, I just found out, is mentally retarded. Can he go to heaven when he dies? I’m sorry but this looks like a joke. Either your cousin has just been born or is very young and only recently have doctors diagnosed a mental handicap _OR_ he’s a guy you’ve known most of your life, he aint a child, and, just suddenly, you’ve noticed he was retarded. Hard not to think it’s a joke. Besides, what is this doing in Great Debates? ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/18 "2011-02-01T07:17:41Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Let me put this in terms the OP would understand. > > Your cousin has the mind of a young child, right? According to most Christian faiths, young children who die (God forbid) automatically go to Heaven. Therefore, your cousin, who will be, in God’s eyes, a child his entire life, will also automatically go to Heaven when he dies. So really, he’s the last person you have to worry about getting into Heaven. It’s a done deal. That’s the phony priest’s answer I was looking for. Thanks. Keywords: Most Christian faiths. As in humans. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/19 "2011-02-01T07:25:01Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Sluts do not go to heaven . . . . A heaven without sluts cannot be heaven. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2011, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759/20 "2011-02-01T07:29:04Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > A heaven without sluts cannot be heaven. That’s why I’ll never be Muslim. If I have to share my heavenly cell with ninety broads, they’d better be sluts. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-cousin-is-retarted/569759.md?page=2)