# Help my future child not get beat up on the playground. (A Baby Name Poll) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 21, 2004, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483 "2004-10-21T20:32:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/21 "2004-10-21T21:32:04Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Names of expensive cars are also good. Think Porsche (Portia, Porshe), Mercedes, Lexus, Hummer. I always thought Portia Turbo would be a terrific porn star name but I contend that nothing can top “Lexus Hummer.” ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/22 "2004-10-21T21:37:37Z")
My thoughts: You want a nice, normal sounding name, go Biblical. John, Luke, Mark, Matthew, Thomas, Peter, Andrew, Isaac, Daniel… Sarah, Rebecca, Leah, Mary, Elizabeth, Susanna… you can’t lose! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/23 "2004-10-21T21:38:38Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > I always thought Portia Turbo would be a terrific porn star name but I contend that nothing can top “Lexus Hummer.” Ah, young **Padeye-wan** , you see right through my thinly veiled humor! ---
**Author:** ![MsPrufrock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@MsPrufrock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsPrufrock)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/24 "2004-10-21T21:39:09Z")
> [@Standup Karmic](#): > > Your name is Spuds? How unfortunate! Then again, at least it’s not Xerxes! _gasp_ I’ve been found out! So much for making me stronger… _runs away to find a corner in which to weep silently_😉 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mithril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mithril/32/3517_2.png) [@Mithril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithril)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/25 "2004-10-21T21:43:34Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > The contrarian in me says follow the advice of uncle Shelby; if a boy then “Sue.” You have to think long term about these things. Weigh a few bloody beatings in first grade against a lifetime of knowing how to defend one’s self. Heehee. I’m a big fan of Shel’s books, but I only found out today about two hours ago that his nickname is Uncle Shelby. Funny coincidence. Here’s a thought: Look at the [top 100 baby names](http://www.parentsplace.com/pregnancy/getready/articles/0,,239161_438212,00.html?arrivalSA=1&cobrandRef=0&arrival_freqCap=2). Any of the names should be common enough that your kid won’t get beaten up. IMHO, you should discard the ones that are spelled non-traditionally. Likewise, remove the ones that are obviously based on pop culture (Chandler due to Friends, Logan from X-Men, etc.) and the ones that are part of a distinct culture other than yours (Juan if you aren’t Hispanic, Muhammed if you aren’t Muslim.) Pick anything that’s left. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/26 "2004-10-21T21:45:16Z")
Hmm. Zachary ( I prefer the ch version) is okay, as is Keira. My suggestions would be: Jason, Ciaran/Kieran, Cade, Corrine, Alexander/ria (you could call the child Lex, Xan or xander) and Xavier. Also, My parents made up my first name. I was never made fun of or beat up, and having to spell it out for people or having it spelled incorrectly was never a big deal to me. The only annoying thing was when people didn’t even ask how to pronounce it and just told me they’d be calling me a name they chose instead because it was “easier”. Fortunately, only two people have ever been that rude. ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/27 "2004-10-21T21:59:27Z")
Step one: Read [these](http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/). Step two: Pick anything not mentioned on those pages. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/28 "2004-10-21T22:02:21Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > My thoughts: > > You want a nice, normal sounding name, go Biblical. > > John, Luke, Mark, Matthew, Thomas, Peter, Andrew, Isaac, Daniel… > > Sarah, Rebecca, Leah, Mary, Elizabeth, Susanna… > > you can’t lose! You DO lose, because your kid will have several other classmates with the same name! Your child is unique, don’t name him something everyone else is named. John? Mary? How freakin’ generic and boring can you get? > [@Standup Karmic](#): > > My suggestions: > > Amy > Tyler > James > Sarah > Elizabeth > Michael > McChild (c’mon…it’s no worse than “Xerxes”) > Jennifer > John Again, how many more Jennifers and Amys do we need I know so many dam Jennifers, Jens, Jennys, Amys, Sarahs, blah blah. You might as well just name your kid with a bar code and tattoo it on his forehead! 😃 How about some names from Greek myths? I love the names \*\*Ulysses, Antigone, Calliope, Cassiopeia, Harmonia, Hermione, Ianthe, Leander, Medea, Odysseus, Orion, Orpheus, Persephone, Xanthe, Zephyr. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/29 "2004-10-21T22:07:12Z")
> [@Garfield226](#): > > Step one: Read [these](http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/). > > Step two: Pick anything not mentioned on those pages. Actually, amazingly enough, none of those are mentioned. You should submit them. A test they use is to say “Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States, \ \.” and then see if you laugh out loud. > [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > You DO lose, because your kid will have several other classmates with the same name! Your child is unique, don’t name him something everyone else is named. John? Mary? How freakin’ generic and boring can you get? How exactly is that “losing?” ---
**Author:** ![King\_Friday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@King\_Friday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/King_Friday)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/30 "2004-10-21T22:10:22Z")
The first thing I would do if I were you is to take the piece of paper with the list of names on it, take one last look at it, crumple it up and toss it in the fire place. Then name him/her after your favorite ball player, or Davis…my personal choice for a boy. ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/31 "2004-10-21T22:13:24Z")
> [@King Friday](#): > > Then name him/her after your favorite ball player, or Davis…my personal choice for a boy. Heh. Now I’m wondering if my future wife would let me name my future firstborn son “Ozzie.” ---
**Author:** ![Nightingale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@Nightingale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightingale)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/32 "2004-10-21T22:26:08Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > You DO lose, because your kid will have several other classmates with the same name! Your child is unique, don’t name him something everyone else is named. John? Mary? How freakin’ generic and boring can you get? True, John and Mary are traditional, but how many kids have you met lately that used them? In the era of Madison, Dakota, and Lexi, John and Mary _are_ the unusual names! (I’m probably not the best person to ask. Mr. Nightingale and I are expecting a baby boy. . . his name is Samuel George VeryCommonLastName 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/33 "2004-10-21T22:35:30Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > How about some names from Greek myths? I love the names \*\*Ulysses, Antigone, Calliope, Cassiopeia, Harmonia, Hermione, Ianthe, Leander, Medea, Odysseus, Orion, Orpheus, Persephone, Xanthe, Zephyr. \*\* I’m sorry, I hadn’t realized the child was Greek. And a myth. Hey! How about just naming him/her _Myth_. Especially if it’s a girl. Especially if your last name is Smith!! You can’t imagine how fun her life will be watching people try to pronounce “Miss Myth Smith”. You could also go with _1010011010 Plus One_. Y’know, while we’re brainstorming unique name origins (screw Greek Myth names…they’ve already been used before…we want something **original**. I have taken creative license in spelling where I have felt that it added to the name. Medical: **Appendectomy** or **Hemorrhagic Fever** , but maybe spell “fever” funny, like “Phever” or “FeevR”. Botany: **Chironia** or **Guzmania** or **Potted Fern**. Automotive: **Edsel** (ok, it’s been done, but not much) or **Lada** (I see this mostly for a girl) or **Big Block**. Internet: **Serch Aenjin** or **Googler** or **IP** or **Wikipersonae** Made up words: **Snickerdoodle** or **Hachmanichron** Things in my office: **Penholder** or **Arborite** or **Serge Protector** Random stuff: **Phlatulizm** or **Gaping Woond** or **Dunkee** or **2004-Style “Death Ray”** or **Bleek** or maybe just, **My mom and dad insisted on being creative and all I got was this stupid name**. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/34 "2004-10-21T22:38:04Z")
Creativity is fine, but if you want an unusual name, make it a middle name. Very few people in my experience use their middle name for anything at all. My granddad was one of those few people known by his. Maybe you could call them by that name in the family or something, if you’re all that fond of Xerxes. My brother and I have nice traditional boring Biblical (though that wasn’t really a consideration) names. I much prefer it that way. Also, I would look at the top 50 or so names for the year, and avoid them completely. You don’t want your kid to be one of four Matthews (name pulled out of thin air) in his class in a few years. My name isn’t especially popular, though it’s always sort of around, which is fine by me. The only problem is that it has two acceptable spellings, and people always assume it’s the wrong one! ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/35 "2004-10-21T22:44:21Z")
I like Milo and Lela quite a bit. Even with the “Milo & Otis” and Futurama connotations, those aren’t really offensive things to be associated with. Zachary instead of Zakary, and Daria instead of Darya are both nice names too. Erlyn, like Darya and Zakary, strikes me as too “kreative” to be a name that commands respect. I would prefer if it were spelled something like Earlene. Earlene is not a bad name in my personal view; however, I think most people would associate the name Erlyn/Earlene with “redneck”. The name Xerxes is quite unusual but again that’s not necessarily bad in my view. It is, after all, an established name rather than something made up just to try to be different. I guess that’s my main objection: I don’t like to see names that sound like they were made up for a character in a sci-fi/fantasy novel (like Jasher for example). ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/36 "2004-10-21T22:46:03Z")
For a girl, Lela sounds good to me. Very flowing. For a boy, how about "Spike, or “Killer” or maybe “Terminator”? Just kidding. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/37 "2004-10-21T23:02:33Z")
Please forgive me if this is too harsh for IMHO, but… You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/38 "2004-10-21T23:14:55Z")
Nah, if you’re going for tough guy name him Rocco Testosterone. ---
**Author:** ![c\_carol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@c\_carol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_carol)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/39 "2004-10-21T23:15:31Z")
Zakary – “Zachary” is good. Milo – Not great, but tolerable. Ajax – NO NO NO Tymaz – NO Lela – Eh. Maybe if it were spelled “Leila” or something like that. Jasher – NO Darya – Eh. A little weird, but weird names for girls are more acceptable than for boys. Keira – OK Erlyn – NO Xerxes – NO Remember, when it comes to naming kids, creativity is bad. Keep it simple. Be _boring_. The kid will thank you someday. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2004, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483/40 "2004-10-21T23:18:21Z")
I’m a strong believer that names should mean something, not just sound good. Pick an ancester who you’re proud of and name your child for him or her. Or do the same with someone who’s accomplished something great. (Not a celebrity – 20 years from now nobody will care about Britney Spears.) Or a fictious character that you admire. For example, Xerxes is certainly famous, but I’m not sure he’s a good namesake. He’s chiefly known for his defeat at the hands of the Greeks and as the archetypical weak son of a strong father. Is that the sort of man you want your son to be? The same is true of Ajax. In the Odyssey he’s a big, dumb lug. (Then again, there are plenty of little girls named Cassandra, which gives me the shivers … .) I think it’s good for a child to have a name he has to live up to. My two children are Samuel Blair and Rose Miranda. Samuel is for my wife’s mother’s father. Blair has been the middle name of the first-born male son in my family for the last 9 generations. Rose is for both my mother’s mother and my wife’s father’s mother. Miranda is for the original Miranda in the Tempest who is filled with wonder. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-my-future-child-not-get-beat-up-on-the-playground-a-baby-name-poll/270483.md?page=3)