# Help needed disposing of dead body. Need answer fast. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2016, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621 "2016-05-25T02:51:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/1 "2016-05-25T02:51:13Z")
Let’s see. You find a casket with a body in it under your house. You want it moved somewhere other than under your house. However, you have no idea who this person is, and no way of getting the death certificate necessary to get the permit allowing you to move the deceased. Of course, it’s probably illegal to bury people under your house, so you’re kind of screwed if you rebury it under your house. I know somewhere there’s an answer. I’m thinking put stamps on it, place it in a mailbox and let the post office figure it out. Any better ideas? Yes, this really happened. > **[Construction workers find casket under house | CNN](https://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2016/05/24/california-construction-workers-find-casket-under-house-pkg.kpix)** > > California construction workers discovered the casket of a young girl when they were renovating a home. CNN affiliate KPIX reports. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/2 "2016-05-25T02:55:00Z")
_comment withdrawn_ ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/3 "2016-05-25T02:56:00Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Maybe call the cops? Okay, that’s one vote for shooting it. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/4 "2016-05-25T02:56:12Z")
Fire up the grill. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/5 "2016-05-25T02:57:11Z")
Don’t move it or you will get a ghost in your tv. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/6 "2016-05-25T03:32:05Z")
> [@Biotop](#): > > Don’t move it or you will get a ghost in your tv. ::Shakes Fist:: I _was_ going to say ask Zelda Rubinstein ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/7 "2016-05-25T06:27:48Z")
> [@Biotop](#): > > Don’t move it or you will get a ghost in your tv. It’s OK - they moved the headstones. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/8 "2016-05-25T10:00:38Z")
Better call Saul. Or at minimum, do not use the upstairs bathtub to disolve it. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/9 "2016-05-25T13:25:35Z")
Don’t you watch CSI? Call the police and the body will be removed at no expense to you. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/10 "2016-05-25T13:43:56Z")
> [@glee](#): > > Don’t you watch CSI? > Call the police and the body will be removed at no expense to you. Rumour has it that if you tell them there are signs of earth being disturbed in your back garden, they’ll come and dig it over for you as well. ---
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/11 "2016-05-25T16:04:34Z")
Re-bury it somewhere discreet. The government can’t regulate what it doesn’t know about. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/12 "2016-05-25T16:07:41Z")
If it’s Tuesday night put it out by the curb and someone will come get it in the morning. Or is that different in other parts of the country? ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/13 "2016-05-25T19:25:22Z")
Is it an expensive type of casket that just might save you a lot of money when one of your relatives dies? In which case keep the casket and quietly sink the body into a nearby body of water. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/14 "2016-05-25T20:00:58Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > Re-bury it somewhere discreet. The government can’t regulate what it doesn’t know about. That’s apparently what the previous guy’s plan was. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/15 "2016-05-25T20:16:41Z")
Well, it is certainly an opportunity to discern mere ‘friends’ from an actual good friend. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/16 "2016-05-25T22:27:03Z")
Serious me would just call the authorities and let them deal with it. Smart-ass me would let myself into one of the seasonal haunted houses and set up a new exhibit. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/17 "2016-05-25T23:05:43Z")
Freecycle? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/18 "2016-05-25T23:21:06Z")
First you have to find out what diocese he is. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/19 "2016-05-25T23:24:03Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > If it’s Tuesday night put it out by the curb and someone will come get it in the morning. Or is that different in other parts of the country? Of COURSE it’s different. Here, it’s on Thursday. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2016, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621/20 "2016-05-25T23:25:52Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > First you have to find out what diocese he is. But you’d have to lift him up to check the back of the neck… I’d just say “Looks a bit Barson-Wells-ish to me” and back away. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-needed-disposing-of-dead-body-need-answer-fast/755621.md?page=2)