# Help Summarize Our Knowledge of the Aliens!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 11, 2008, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909 "2008-05-11T11:52:53Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)
#### Post date: [May 11, 2008, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/1 "2008-05-11T11:52:53Z")
I thought it appropriate that we have a summary, so I will attempt to:
1. the aliens can travel vast distances easily-they probably come from star systems more than 11 light years away
2. they seem intensely interested in humans, although they seem to hand around rural areas
3. they conduct experiments upon captured humans, anal probing and the implanation of unknown substances are common
4. they cannot be photographed-most photos are blurry
5. their space ships crash regularly-although the wreckage is hard to find
6. they appear to have benevolent intentions toward humans, attacks upon humans are rare
7. despite over 50 years of visiting this planet, they clearly wish to remain unknown to us
Have I missed anything?
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### Author:  [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)
#### Post date: [May 11, 2008, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/2 "2008-05-11T14:18:11Z")
Some aliens, like whales, travel in pods.
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### Author:  [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)
#### Post date: [May 11, 2008, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/3 "2008-05-11T14:32:53Z")
All aliens seem to have an odd fetish for probing human anuses.
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### Author:  [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)
#### Post date: [May 11, 2008, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/4 "2008-05-11T15:12:42Z")
[QUOTE=Amp]
All aliens seem to have an odd fetish for probing human anuses.
[/QUOTE]
Kang: Stop! We have reached the limit of what we can learn from rectal probing.
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### Author:  [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)
#### Post date: [May 11, 2008, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/5 "2008-05-11T16:21:26Z")
50 years? They’ve been visiting for thousands of years, as Chariots of the Gods reports.
[ul]Although their space ships are built for interstellar travel, they still can enter atmospheres and defy gravity.[/ul]
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [May 11, 2008, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/6 "2008-05-11T18:05:26Z")
They are _entirely_ ignorant of radio/tv technology.
Consider–
_If they want to communicate with us_– they could use radio/tv far more eaily than drawing crop circles.
_If they do not want to communicate with us_–they would notice all the UFO specials on the Discovery/History Channels, & amend their clandestine procedures & standards forthwith.
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### Author:  [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)
#### Post date: [May 11, 2008, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/7 "2008-05-11T18:24:01Z")
On the contrary, they are well aware of movies and TV, taking on the appearance of the aliens in the latest hit sf movie.
But they don’t like to talk about it.
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### Author:  [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/8 "2008-05-12T00:51:20Z")
They like to fuck with our minds, man. They don’t care, they’re from outer space. The rectal probes don’t mean anything to them. It’s like tagging bears when you don’t even have a research program going on … you just like to watch them staggering off afterward, clearly trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
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### Author:  [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/9 "2008-05-12T01:16:20Z")
Although their spacecraft are built to travel vast distances at great speed, their designers are clever enough to build them to resemble weather baloons, meteors, Airbus 350s and other seemingly benign objects.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/10 "2008-05-12T01:28:51Z")
Despite #2, none of them have had a 12 gauge accident. 🙂
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### Author:  [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/11 "2008-05-12T02:01:07Z")
They have no exterior genitalia.
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### Author:  [@chicken\_wire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chicken_wire)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/12 "2008-05-12T03:08:15Z")
They can temporarily immobilise your car / plane / boat, as if by remote control, in order to abduct you.
It’s not just us humans that they like to probe, they have a thing for cows too.
They know how to see the universe for less than 30 Alterian dollars per day. 🆒
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### Author:  [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/13 "2008-05-12T05:15:30Z")
They all dress alike. Usually gold or silver lamé.
Their eyes are friggin’ HUGE.
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### Author:  [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/14 "2008-05-12T05:37:06Z")
They can MacGyver together interstellar phones.
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/15 "2008-05-12T08:26:13Z")
Despite having enormously bulbous heads, they have very slender necks. One supposes vigorous dancing is not high on their list of fun activities.
Their major art form is crop vandalism.
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/16 "2008-05-12T08:49:40Z")
They never appear in front of skeptics. Obviously, this is because their highly evolved, sensitive telepathic minds cannot stand the harsh thoughts emanated by a skeptic.
UFOs famously ignore inertia. Therefore, they either have technology that allows them to ignore inertia, or lots and lots of padding.
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### Author:  [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/17 "2008-05-12T12:31:11Z")
Apparently in an effort to communicate with us, Aliens create crop circles.
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/18 "2008-05-12T16:12:30Z")
[They stole this crystal skull.](http://www.dailybulletin.com/ci_9213447) This is know to be an alien power source they can use to power their ship.
[Here are real photos of aliens, their just camera shy because they photograph poorly.](http://forgetomori.com/2007/skepticism/the-tasso-fragoso-alien-photos/) These are the aliens that were shot stealing the crystal skull
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### Author:  [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/19 "2008-05-12T16:21:43Z")
[QUOTE=ralph124c]
Have I missed anything?
[/QUOTE]
[OOOOOHHHHH, yeah!](http://www.subgenius.com/slaq.htm)
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### Author:  [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/20 "2008-05-12T17:08:35Z")
When they DO decide to verbally communicate with us, they will speak with an English accent.
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