# Help Summarize Our Knowledge of the Aliens! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 11, 2008, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909 "2008-05-11T11:52:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2008, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/41 "2008-07-08T11:51:52Z")
Their spaceships are invisible to astronomical instruments and military radar, but can easily be detected by drunk rednecks in Nebraska or overly-excitable office temps in Nottingham. They have an advanced understanding of the human anus, but (since they either don’t speak at all, or use telepathy) no knowledge of the vocal chords … wait a minute … I think I understand now! They’re working from some kind of reference book, and they’re looking at the pictures _the wrong way up!_ ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2008, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/42 "2008-07-08T12:25:52Z")
“And not only did they let onto their spaceship, they let me take photographs!” “This long cigar-shaped object with the red glow at the end, that’s their spaceship?” “No, that’s what they were smoking.” ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2008, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/43 "2008-07-08T12:57:04Z")
If humans are the pinnacle of consciousness harbouring organisms on this planet, why would’nt alien creatures look similar to us, with slight differences, depending on the type of planet they had evolved from? ---
**Author:** ![JoseB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/joseb/32/1530_2.png) [@JoseB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseB)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2008, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/44 "2008-07-08T13:32:28Z")
Well, but I think we are not paying attention to the _ **second** _ subgroup of aliens. To whit, the ones that are permanently pissed-off for some reason and either (a) have a rather gruesome and complex reproductive process, involving a messy detonation of the unlucky host for their larvae, or (b) drop around to engage in sport hunting of humans. They also tend to look like humongous insectoid monsters. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/45 "2008-07-09T17:22:14Z")
[QUOTE=Lightnin’] And, by inference, Humans drew the short end of the shapeshifting evolutionary stick. Clearly, that’s why the aliens are so interested in us- we’re the only sentient species which is stuck in one shape. One can also surmise that the shapeshifting organ is located in the anus… [/QUOTE] Or what _we_ call the anus. To the aliens it may very well be an intake orifice. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/46 "2008-07-09T17:27:29Z")
[QUOTE=photopat] Or what _we_ call the anus. To the aliens it may very well be an intake orifice. [/QUOTE] and some humans as well. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/47 "2008-07-09T17:37:14Z")
Even though they have technology that allows them to bridge the vast depths of space, they can’t hit the broad side of a barn with their laser blasters. Their firewall technology sticks, too. They also seem to be amazingly bad drivers, wobbling, weaving, and diving through the sky in the manner of hubcaps on strings. _One UFO enthusiast I saw on TV, explaining a wobbly UFO video, said that actually verified the video - the wobbly, diving, and bobbling flight path was consistent with the characteristics of other videos._ Maybe the large heads are attached by springs, like [this](http://flickr.com/photos/27403767@N00/2592176446). ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/48 "2008-07-09T17:55:27Z")
If they stay on Earth too long as moles, they end up with a large collection of cats. ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/49 "2008-07-10T02:29:38Z")
They may be technologically advanced, but I don’t think they’re very socially advanced. Judging from their actions, they’re like the little kid on the playground who never talks to the girl he likes, and runs away when he sees her coming. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/50 "2008-07-10T02:45:06Z")
[QUOTE=ivan astikov] If humans are the pinnacle of consciousness harbouring organisms on this planet, why would’nt alien creatures look similar to us, with slight differences, depending on the type of planet they had evolved from? [/QUOTE] Who says we are the pinnacle of anything? Visiting aliens would probably look completely foreign to us, maybe being spikey, or octo-limbed, or a hyper-intelligent shade of blue. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/51 "2008-07-10T20:00:24Z")
They are willing to invest huge amounts of energy and a mind-boggling amount of time to traverse the vast emptiness of space… so they can mutilate some cows. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/52 "2008-07-10T22:15:48Z")
[QUOTE=Captain Lance Murdoch] They are willing to invest huge amounts of energy and a mind-boggling amount of time to traverse the vast emptiness of space… so they can mutilate some cows. [/QUOTE] So…they’ve developed a spacewarp engine that runs on cud? ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2008, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909/53 "2008-07-10T22:27:32Z")
[QUOTE=Little Bird] Who says we are the pinnacle of anything? Visiting aliens would probably look completely foreign to us, maybe being spikey, or octo-limbed, or a hyper-intelligent shade of blue. [/QUOTE] I did say **“if”**! For all I know, dolphins could be clicking away in hysterical laughter at our destructively wanton ways. But not when those Japanese get a sight of them. :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-summarize-our-knowledge-of-the-aliens/448909.md?page=2)