# Help! Talk me Down! I'm being smothered by giant pine cones!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 22, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274 "2003-03-22T02:53:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/1 "2003-03-22T02:53:06Z")
I hab a code. Waybit a mibbut. I geb a tissue. **HOOOOOOONNNNNK!** EW. Ok. I have a cold. I’m a real tough guy. Nothing bothers me. _What nothing?_ No. Nothing! _What nothing?_ Well. Hardly nothing. _Hardly nothing bothers him! So give three cheers and one cheer more for Scylla the conservative mysoginistic bore. so give three cheers and one cheer more for the stoic conservative mysoginistic bore!_ Ummm otay. Where wub I? Hold on again. **HHHOOOONNNNKKKKK!** Ok. I’ll go quick before the snot comes back. Nothing confronts me much, but there are two important exceptions. The dentist, and I have really bad teeth, and the second thing is a cold. Everybody in the family has a mild cold. Mine of course has left me a crying miserable self-pitying baby an inch from death with a horrible post-nasal drip. Everybody else is just dealing with it, and going about there lives, but I’m complainy and miserable. We all went to bed at like 9, and I took some Nyquil, except I couldn’t fall asleep. The Nyquil fugue crept over me, and I got the desperate tosses, the excruciating thirsts, and the achey-breaky colon. Don’t break my colon, my achey breaky colon. I just don’t think you’d understand. Cause if you break my colon my achey breaky colon I just might poop on your hand… Oh yeah, and the night sweats. And then the giant pine cones started smothering me. They’d roll out of the darkness and sit on top of the covers while I choke on snot and they smush me and smush me and roll and smother. So I got up. I know the pine cones aren’t really there. As I sit here typing these giant pine cones are somewhat sanguine concerning their nonexistence. It’s not much of a problem for them. They’re just sitting there waiting on the edge of my peripheral vision waiting for me to slip back into the fugue of my bad Nyquil trip, and when I do, they’re going to start rolling over me again and again. Boy I really don’t like the Pine cones. There’s a reason I usually don’t try to take medication. It gets all weird on my, and now I’m sitting here with hot eyballs and metal-tasting teeth about to be smothered by giant pine cones. If only I’d fallen asleep, it would just be a dream. I’m a hurting unit. ---
**Author:** ![Peregrine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Peregrine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peregrine)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/2 "2003-03-22T03:31:30Z")
Scylla, you’re going to be okay. You’re safe here at the SDMB. Don’t worry about the pine cones. You know they’re not real. And if they were real, your wife would kill them for you. Keep breathing now; that’s it. You’ll be yourself again in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/3 "2003-03-22T04:02:03Z")
_Snif, sniffle, HONK_ I hab a cold too. I’b not supposed to hab a cold! I’b a healthy teenager, I neber get sick! _HOOOONK_ Okay, maybe I do have a cold. I’ll just sit here, keep you company and help you fend off the killer pinecones, how 'bout that? _Grabs a sledgehammer and a box of tissues and settles down next to Scylla_ ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/4 "2003-03-22T04:11:37Z")
Just watch out for the killer SOS scouring pads that sneak up into your sinuses while you sleep. At least, that’s what it felt like was in there last time I had a code id by dose. (That would also be the time my best friend laughed at me for saying, “I dote talk like this dorbally.”) ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/5 "2003-03-22T04:15:27Z")
(Jimmy Carter) Ok, Scylla. I think what you’ve taken is some purple barrel NyQuil. The effects are going to last for about another six hours, but you’re going to be OK. Do you have some music you could put on? Maybe some James Taylor or some Allman Brothers? If you have a beer, it might be a good idea to drink it, just to help you relax. This isn’t the time to lecture you about drugs, so I’m not going to do that. Just remember that we’re all loving beings and that you’re going to be allright." (Jimmy Carter) ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/6 "2003-03-22T18:32:06Z")
I am laughing my head off over here. This is hilarious, especially because I just got over about 5 months of a non-stop runny nose. I can cheerfully sit here and breathe freely while you all sniffle and snork. Except…OH NO! It’s Spring. The allergies, the allergies…the horror! Achoo! Dammit. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/7 "2003-03-22T23:17:31Z")
Bless you! ::::hands over tissue::::: Ew. :::::hands over squeegee:::::::::::: ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/8 "2003-03-22T23:32:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > **We all went to bed at like 9, and I took some Nyquil, except I couldn’t fall asleep. The Nyquil fugue crept over me, and I got the desperate tosses, the excruciating thirsts, and the achey-breaky colon.** Mr. **Scylla**? I’m afraid it’s bad news. It seems you’ve caught the rockin’ pneumonia _and_ the boogie-woogie flu. Fortunately, the rest of your family just has a bad case of lovin’ you; while no pills gonna cure their ills, it’s not anything to worry about.\*\* > [@](#): > > Don’t break my colon, my achey breaky colon. > I just don’t think you’d understand. Cause if you break my colon > my achey breaky colon I just might poop on your hand…\*\* It’s worse than I thought – you’ve got the Cyrus Virus as well. If you keep getting this feeling, you may have to resort to Sexual Healing. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/9 "2003-03-23T04:37:52Z")
Have you tried rubbing Vicks Vapor Rub under your nose and on your chest? I think if your SO does it for you, it works even better 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/10 "2003-03-23T05:06:08Z")
I remember once, when I was a teenager, I was visiting cousins out of town and came down with a miserable cold. Sick, but not wanting to miss out on the fun, I stayed up late playing Tripoli with everyone. I don’t recall exactly how Tripoli was played, but I think it was various poker games. It involved cards, at any rate. I was adminstered cold medicine, and went feverishly to bed. All night long I was tortured by cards. The Jack of Diamonds kept sitting on my chest. I tossed and turned and was assaulted by Royal Flushes and evil queens. I’d wake up, stagger to the bathroom to get something to drink, collapse back into bed and pull the heavy quilt over my body. The quilt that immediately turned into a heavy, malovelent Ace or a menacing King and his pokey sword. I rarely take cold medicine any more, and just suffer through it. 20 years later, and I recall that night so vividly! Get better, Scylla. You too, Cougarfang. ---
**Author:** ![LtningBug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/73ab20/32.png) [@LtningBug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LtningBug)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/11 "2003-03-23T06:33:31Z")
Mmm, Nyquil. Doesn’t bother me a bit. Maybe it’s because the hallucinations caused by the Nyquil don’t rise above my steady-state insanity, so I don’t notice them. Slightly more OT, have you tried nasal irrigation? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/12 "2003-03-23T06:53:43Z")
I feel for you. I don’t know if this works on pine cones, but it seems to help my daughter with her monster issues. “No pine cones at Scylla’s house. 2trew does not allow pine cones. If any pine cones come, we beat 'em up and throw 'em out the window. Are there any pinecones at Scylla’s house?” (You’re supposed to say “NO!” here.) “Right. Now sleep good, little one.” We can skip the kissing part, on account of you being a conservative and all. ---
**Author:** ![BadBaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71c47a/32.png) [@BadBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBaby)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/13 "2003-03-23T07:36:23Z")
I want some of Scylla’s Nyquil 'cause this sissy herbal junk I’ve got doesn’t make my owies go away or put me out so I don’t care. Right now, I would kill for giant pinecones. Also, who’s got my turquoise blue washcloth? It’s the official washcloth for feverish foreheads and I can’t find it anywhere. Cougarfang? Scylla? ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/14 "2003-03-23T07:48:39Z")
Blame the blimp. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-talk-me-down-im-being-smothered-by-giant-pine-cones/163274/15 "2003-03-23T08:30:15Z")
The Horror of Blimps Continues!