# Help us design a “Dad’s Den” **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188 "2007-07-17T22:00:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/21 "2007-07-18T15:19:17Z")
On the desk, a personalized, autographed picture of Dick Cheney in hunting gear. And to go with the sniper manual, some actual long range targets with all shots in the black. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/22 "2007-07-18T15:31:33Z")
Two shrines, one built around a bejewled chastity belt and the other around medieval looking genital cuffs. In the corner there needs to be a car battery, a pair of jumper cables and a book entitled “Testicles for Dummies”. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/23 "2007-07-18T15:58:32Z")
[QUOTE=AHoosierMama] HoosierDaddy already plans to be cleaning his guns anytime boys come around (hopefully not for about 12 years). [/QUOTE] When I was in high school I had a date for Homecomming. She wasn’t allowed to come with me in my car so her parents were going to drop her off. Well she called me and told me it was ok because her father wasn’t going to be home and he was the one who objected in the first place. When I went to pick her up her father came home as we were leaving. He had just come back from hunting and was carrying his firearm. Not the kind of thing a young guy wants to see just before a date. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/24 "2007-07-18T16:14:31Z")
May I edit-check this document? I found a few errors, nothing serious. [QUOTE=engineer\_comp\_geek] Application to Date My Daughter Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor. Name:\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Nickname/Alias:\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Date Of Birth: **/** /\_\_\_\_ height:\_\_\_\_\_\_ Weight:\_\_\_\_\_\_ I.Q.:\_\_\_\_\_\_ G.P.A.:\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Soc. Sec.#_ **--** _\_\_\_\_ Remove the hyphens; not everyone has an SS number formatted that way. Canadians, for example. Driver’s License#\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Boy Scout Rank:**_Good Standing: Yes\_\_\_\_\_No_ Home Address:**\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ City/State/Zip\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Home Phone#: (_**)**_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Car Phone#:\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Pager#:\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Do you own a. Van?\_\_\_\_ b. Truck with oversized tires?\_\_\_\_ c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?\_\_\_\_\_ Do you have any of the following: a. An earring\_\_\_\_\_ b. nose ring\_\_\_\_\_\_ c. belly button ring\_\_\_\_\_ or piercings on any other body parts\_\_\_\_\_ Explain:\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Tattoo?\_\_\_\_\_\_ (If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.) Which above questions? Refer to numbers, or block then off separately. As written, this could refer to anything from “name” on down. In 30 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you? \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ In 30 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you? \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Church you attend\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ How often\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Best time to interview your pastor?\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be confidential. a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken broken is: \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ c. Now answer the question you filled in on B \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion. I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers. * * * Signature (This means sign your name) Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could cause you unexpected injury. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE. [/QUOTE] No questions about music choices? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/25 "2007-07-18T16:47:42Z")
That application needs additional questions about the direction in which the bill of a baseball cap is meant to point (when not wearing a catcher’s mask) and the proper body part around which the top of one’s pants should be. Mouse\_Maven, if your spouse has an inner super-villain, he needs a large video screen (or a bank of 9-16 smaller ones, arranged in a rectangle) occupying a 7’ x 5’ section of the wall behind his desk. And the desktop should have a map of either the world, or some specific section thereof designated for conquest. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/26 "2007-07-18T17:36:04Z")
[QUOTE=Bobotheoptimist] ETA - with “Ride of the Valkyries” playing just ever-so-slightly too loud. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but you have to record the score from \*Apocalypse Now \* so that there’s the sound of helicopters and machine guns and screaming. Mouse\_Maven, the method I found most effective was to go to the shooting range on the day of the date, pay extra for the targets that are pictures of people, then shoot out the faces and crotches. When the young man arrived to pick up my daughter, he found me cleaning my gun with the targets spread out on the floor beside me. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/27 "2007-07-18T19:09:18Z")
You’ll need to take several pictures of tombstones from a local cemetary, preferably still surrounded by fresh dirt, and hang them on the wall. On each, tape an empty large bore rifle cartridge and underneath, in barely legible scrawl, write the words “I told you.” ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/28 "2007-07-18T19:18:35Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] You’ll need to take several pictures of tombstones from a local cemetary, preferably still surrounded by fresh dirt, and hang them on the wall. On each, tape an empty large bore rifle cartridge and underneath, in barely legible scrawl, write the words “I told you.” [/QUOTE] I like this. On my desk at work maybe, since I have only sons. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/29 "2007-07-18T21:11:16Z")
Make sure that the chairs opposite the desk have legs that are cut off by about 6 inches to make them look up at your husband. Also, a jar on the desk discretely labeled “Dust of Mousling’s Former Boyfriends”. (I have 3 daughters) ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2007, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/30 "2007-07-18T23:25:53Z")
A yard glass. Mounted on the wall. Prospective suitors must down a yard of ale or cider (if you’re feeling cruel, use vodka) or take its place. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/31 "2007-07-19T00:16:37Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] **Help us design a “Dad’s Den”** [/QUOTE] Thank you for not calling it a “man room”, “man cave”, or any variation thereof. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/32 "2007-07-19T11:12:52Z")
My stepson has volunteered to _vet_ any boys that tries to date my daughter. Since he lives in Australia he sets the financial bar fairly high at the start. I expect other evaluations will involve Aussie flora and fauna. I advise one-way tickets 😃 Si ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/33 "2007-07-19T11:30:23Z")
I second not getting too heavy on the HP Lovecraft. Any guy who recognizes the name is highly likely to go “oh, WOW!” and want to borrow the books. Of course, if you decide that you’re not just interested in scaring possible suitors away but actually on finding acceptable ones, books by your favorite authors (in sober editions, avoid ones with butterflies on the cover) are a must. Any suitor who sees _Alice Through the Mirror_ and makes an intelligent remark should be given some leeway, for example. Have you noticed how much rarer than _Alice in Wonderland_ it is? One side of the room (which may include the huge display, assuming that you don’t go for the multidisplay choice) should be a floor-to-ceiling bookcase. The books should be real; several shelves dedicated to scientific magazines would terrify a suitable percentile of suitors. There should be a large IT section and several tasteful pieces of bric-a-brac; for example, a pair of those painted ceramic containers which were used by old pharmacies to store ingredients (names must be in Latin) and several transparent ones containing samples of your own work. At least one tapeworm must be among the formol-preserved delicacies. This seems to trigger the yucks in a large number of people, judging by reactions observed in science museums (even though most of said people didn’t even know what a tapeworm is, from what I overheard). If you’re going for the whole “stuffed animals and multiple TVs”, you can use the wall containing the door to hold the bookcase (in which case, said bookcase must extend above the door). This causes a sort of tunnel at the entrance. The opposite wall should be occupied by the screens, backlighting the Grizzly; there should be no chairs other than his own or perhaps another one which the suitor is not allowed to use. Since your husband is a large man, having the desk and chair on a plinth is optional. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/34 "2007-07-19T17:43:52Z")
[QUOTE=Zebra] Just recreate the ‘den’ from the opening scene of The Godfather. [/QUOTE] Oh sure, that’s good _now_, but when the Mousling gets married there’ll be a huge line of people waiting to make a request of Mouse\_Spouse. ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_of\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@Sock\_of\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_of_Doom)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/35 "2007-07-19T19:15:13Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] May I edit-check this document? I found a few errors, nothing serious.No questions about music choices? 😃 […] Remove the hyphens; not everyone has an SS number formatted that way. Canadians, for example. [/QUOTE] This problem can also be fixed with a “No Canadians Need Apply” line. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/36 "2007-07-19T20:13:08Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] One side of the room (which may include the huge display, assuming that you don’t go for the multidisplay choice) should be a floor-to-ceiling bookcase. The books should be real; several shelves dedicated to scientific magazines would terrify a suitable percentile of suitors. There should be a large IT section and several tasteful pieces of bric-a-brac; for example, a pair of those painted ceramic containers which were used by old pharmacies to store ingredients (names must be in Latin) and several transparent ones containing samples of your own work. At least one tapeworm must be among the formol-preserved delicacies. This seems to trigger the yucks in a large number of people, judging by reactions observed in science museums (even though most of said people didn’t even know what a tapeworm is, from what I overheard). [/QUOTE] That wouldn’t scare me off; I’d be fascinated by such a bookshelf. 🙂 On the other hand, any vibe that says, “Not My Religion or Ethnic Group = Evil” or “Gay = Evil” would send me screaming for the exits. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/37 "2007-07-19T20:34:17Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] May I edit-check this document? I found a few errors, nothing serious.No questions about music choices? 😃 [/QUOTE] Why would the girl be dating Canadians? :mad: 😉 > [@lieu](#): > > In the corner there needs to be a car battery, a pair of jumper cables and a book entitled “Testicles for Dummies”. How about a jar labeled “Testicles FROM Dummies”? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188/38 "2007-07-19T21:56:27Z")
And let’s not forget the [Ten Rules for Dating My Daughter](http://www.websitement-tm.com/Darwin/Content/rules_for_dating_my_daughter.htm) framed and hung on the wall. With a copy for them to initial each rule on the desk. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-us-design-a-dad-s-den/412188.md?page=1)