# Help! What do I get for a Bar Mitzvah? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 24, 2012, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803 "2012-02-24T03:33:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/1 "2012-02-24T03:33:17Z")
I’ve been invited to the Bar Mitzvah of the son of some friends of my parents. These people are lovely, and they were the first people to welcome us to the area when we moved, so I feel obligated to go. However, I don’t know the son at all and I don’t know Bar Mitzvah etiquette at all (my family was Jewish in name only). Also, I don’t know children at all, having compulsively avoided them even when I was one. I assume that presents are in order. So, what do I get for an unknown 13-year old boy that would be appropriate and appreciated? Assembled doper minds, help me! (Also, if it helps, my mother is under the impression that the kid has Asperger’s syndrome, and is definitely of the nerdy-and-solitary type. In my extremely limited interactions with him, he pretty much ignored us, but that seemed like age-appropriate behavior of a young boy toward an older couple who was there to hang out with his parents.) ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/2 "2012-02-24T04:04:04Z")
When I had my Bar Mitzvah, money was a very popular gift. It’s not just a stereotype. Multiples of $18 are appropriate, for good luck. It’s called a Chai. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/3 "2012-02-24T06:45:29Z")
Gift cards are common. He might appreciate a gift card to Barnes & Noble. ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/4 "2012-02-24T06:48:19Z")
Did you by any chance catch 2 Broke Girls this week? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/5 "2012-02-24T07:15:00Z")
What would you get a 13 year old for his birthday? That should be appropriate. If you really want to get him something religiously themed his parents may appreciate it, but it’s unlikely that he will. Your call. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/6 "2012-02-24T14:59:25Z")
Moved from MPSIMS to IMHO, our advice-giving forum. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/7 "2012-02-24T15:17:03Z")
Cash in increments of $18 is basically the traditional gift. The money _typically_ is saved for education, unless the parents are so filthy rich they don’t worry about such things. My parents let me have a minor amount to spend for fun and the rest went into a college fund. I usually give an EE bond and $18 cash. Something for now, something for later. Certain religious gifts are usually given by close family or members of the religious community; for a person who is not very close and not religious themselves there’s no need to even consider a religious gift. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/8 "2012-02-24T15:23:30Z")
Cash or donate directly to their tzedakah (charity). ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/9 "2012-02-24T16:21:28Z")
Oh, when you buy the card, make sure it says BAR Mitzvah (boy) and not BAS Mitzvah or BAT Mitzvah (both for girls). I got a couple of those. It’s not a big faux pas, but you might as well get things right. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/10 "2012-02-24T17:19:28Z")
> [@Washoe](#): > > Did you by any chance catch 2 Broke Girls this week? Nope, why would this be relevant? > [@FinnAgain](#): > > What would you get a 13 year old for his birthday? That should be appropriate. Sadly, I haven’t the foggiest idea what to get a 13 year old in any context, which is why I started this thread. > [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > When I had my Bar Mitzvah, money was a very popular gift. It’s not just a stereotype. Multiples of $18 are appropriate, for good luck. It’s called a Chai. Thanks, that seems to be the building consensus here. I was resisting it a little due to my upbringing that giving cash is classless and impersonal, but if it’s culturally appropriate in this context, it sure does make shopping easy! > [@RealityChuck](#): > > Oh, when you buy the card, make sure it says BAR Mitzvah (boy) and not BAS Mitzvah or BAT Mitzvah (both for girls). I got a couple of those. Good tip. ---
**Author:** ![shimmery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@shimmery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shimmery)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/11 "2012-02-24T19:04:00Z")
Seconded on the bonds. The bonds from my bat mitzvah matured right as I was graduating from college, and I was able to live off them for a few months while doing the requisite DC unpaid internship. ETA: In case you’re not sure about format, my parents let me keep cash gifts for spending money, but put all the checks into my college savings. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/12 "2012-02-24T19:16:35Z")
My mother had an old record by Sam Levinson (a 78!) about bar mitzvahs, where the boy, having been told to study because he will get presents, stood up at Temple and said “Today I am a fountain pen!” So that was the present around 1951. My year, 1964, it was transistor radios. However money is always nice, but the savings bonds and 3 shares of AT&T stock which I got was not exactly enough to live on when I was in college. I think my father intercepted any money I got to pay for the thing. An iPod would be good if he doesn’t already have one. But gift cards are also nice. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/13 "2012-02-24T19:29:17Z")
The only time you should not give cash/check/bonds is if you actually know the kid well enough to get him something he really does want. Otherwise, yeah, multiples of $18. Now the next etiquette - how many multiples? Son of friends of your parents? $36 is fine. (A quick google reveals that 2 Broke Girls had a Bar Mitzvah - making not so kosher cupcakes for - plot line this week.) ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/14 "2012-02-24T19:31:02Z")
Boggle ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/15 "2012-02-24T20:44:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Good tip. I understand that the rabbi already got the tip, 13 years ago. Seriously, I’d almost certainly give cash. Maybe get some dollar coins from the bank, or two dollar bills, so every time he pulls it out he thinks of you. I’ve also given multitools (something like a Swiss army knife on steroids by Leatherman or Gerber) to both boys AND girls, as soon as they are old enough to be respectful of them. Might want to run that idea past the parents first though. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/16 "2012-02-24T21:33:50Z")
**Help! What do I get for a Bar Mitzvah?** You’ll mostly get checks from extended family, and maybe some pens or cufflinks or other trinkets reminiscent of the days of yore, maybe some religious items. Your closer family members and friends might give you video games, computer stuff, music, typical birthday type stuff. Also, some fat aunt will give you a big kiss right on the lips while pinching your cheeks. And if you’re really lucky the cute girl with dark hair and glasses who sits in front of you in hebrew school will give you a hand job. Mazel Tov! ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/17 "2012-02-24T21:42:17Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I understand that the rabbi already got the tip, 13 years ago. Mohel. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-do-i-get-for-a-bar-mitzvah/613803/18 "2012-02-24T22:08:29Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Seriously, I’d almost certainly give cash. Maybe get some dollar coins from the bank, or two dollar bills, so every time he pulls it out he thinks of you. I’ve also given multitools (something like a Swiss army knife on steroids by Leatherman or Gerber) to both boys AND girls, as soon as they are old enough to be respectful of them. I like this idea, too! It’s a good coming-to-adulthood gesture.