# help - what does a unicorn eat? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 18, 2019, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977 "2019-01-18T14:23:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![squish7](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squish7/32/104_2.png) [@squish7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squish7)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/1 "2019-01-18T14:23:27Z")
I’m getting a baby unicorn this weekend but I’m freaking out because I don’t know what to feed it or how to take care of it. I can’t find anything on the web, wtf? You guys know all, what do I do? ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/2 "2019-01-18T14:29:30Z")
Unicorns eat rainbows. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/3 "2019-01-18T14:38:06Z")
_sigh_ You’re one of those idiots who impulse buys a widdle baby unicorn because they look so cute, right? And you figure, you’ll keep it in the spare bedroom, you’ll give it some industrial-grade glitter- or worse, household scraps- and it will stay small and cuddly and be your best friend, right? WRONG! Unicorns need at least an acre of roaming space, regular grooming, and fresh glittergrass. They get BIG- they’re freakin’ horses with horns!- and they can’t be housebroken. They’re NOT beginner pets- personally, I don’t think they should be pets at all. They’re dangerous for non-experts to handle- and I’m going to take a wild guess that you’re no expert. Leave the unicorns for the zoos, and get a goldfish. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/4 "2019-01-18T14:40:36Z")
It’s kittens. They never tell you that at the store. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/5 "2019-01-18T14:52:03Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > _sigh_ > > You’re one of those idiots who impulse buys a widdle baby unicorn because they look so cute, right? And you figure, you’ll keep it in the spare bedroom, you’ll give it some industrial-grade glitter- or worse, household scraps- and it will stay small and cuddly and be your best friend, right? > > WRONG! Unicorns need at least an acre of roaming space, regular grooming, and fresh glittergrass. They get BIG- they’re freakin’ horses with horns!- and they can’t be housebroken. They’re NOT beginner pets- personally, I don’t think they should be pets at all. They’re dangerous for non-experts to handle- and I’m going to take a wild guess that you’re no expert. > > Leave the unicorns for the zoos, and get a goldfish. What if the OP is a virgin? ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/6 "2019-01-18T14:56:12Z")
Your soul. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/7 "2019-01-18T15:01:50Z")
Little children. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/8 "2019-01-18T15:07:29Z")
They eat ears of corn. At least 5,000 a day. How do you think the got their name? ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/9 "2019-01-18T15:12:55Z")
Per _Legends of Tomorrow_, [hearts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D03zJnD8nTs). ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/10 "2019-01-18T15:23:19Z")
> [@3trew](#): > > It’s kittens. They never tell you that at the store. Damn, no wonder the shelter is getting suspicious about all my adoptions. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/11 "2019-01-18T15:23:51Z")
Maybe posting in public about acquiring a rare, endangered species isn’t the best move. Are they even legal to keep where you are? As far as I know it’s only legal in Nevada, Texas, Alaska, Idaho, Montana and Wyoming in the US, and none of those have a year round climate conducive to keeping one alive for their natural life span. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/12 "2019-01-18T15:33:14Z")
Little known fact: Skittles were originally manufactured to be unicorn chow, and were marketed to unicorn ranchers under the name Unicorn Chow[sup]TM[/sup]. Then one day a man named Don Skittles discovered they’re delicious to humans too. And the rest is history. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/13 "2019-01-18T16:13:14Z")
They eat magic beans (see “Jack and the Beanstalk”) which accounts for all the [unicorn farts](https://www.google.com/search?q=unicorn+farting+rainbows&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi03qi23PffAhURS60KHSFBASQQ_AUIDigB&biw=1482&bih=948) I keep hearing about. ---
**Author:** ![Telperion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telperion/32/509_2.png) [@Telperion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/14 "2019-01-18T16:57:10Z")
Since only virgins are safe from unicorn attacks, I assume they eat non-virgins. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/15 "2019-01-18T17:04:46Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > Unicorns eat rainbows. > [@3trew](#): > > It’s kittens. They never tell you that at the store. I thought it was eat kittens and shit rainbows. 😉 I always assumed they ate vegetation. Mostly vegetation best smoked by us mere mortals. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/16 "2019-01-18T17:15:19Z")
You can feed them regular horse feed. Just add a scoop of rhino feed for the horn. ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/17 "2019-01-18T17:25:16Z")
Pink crystals sauteed in sunshine. Dennis ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/18 "2019-01-18T17:37:58Z")
They’re carnivores, so fresh dragon meat is ideal. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/19 "2019-01-18T17:38:08Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > Unicorns eat rainbows. No, they fart rainbows. **squish7** , didja get horn polish? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977/20 "2019-01-18T17:46:25Z")
> [@mixdenny](#): > > Pink crystals sauteed in sunshine. > > Dennis Do _not_ eat the pink crystals sauteed in sunshine unless you have someone assigned to watch over you for the next 3 hours. Or so I’ve been told. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-what-does-a-unicorn-eat/827977.md?page=2)