# Help with a family quandary -- freeloading relatives/cottage might be sold **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 30, 2026, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020 "2026-07-30T14:30:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/41 "2026-08-01T15:41:57Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > The problem is that as soon as you allow someone to stay for any length of time in a property you own that isn’t your primary residence you’ve effectively created a “landlord-tenant” situation, even if you aren’t charging them. Which means they can invoke legal rights which makes it more complicated than just tossing them out on the street. That can happen even if it’s your primary residence. My cousin broke up with her free-loading boyfriend, but couldn’t evict him from her apartment because you couldn’t evict tenants in NYC during covid. And while my cousin doesn’t practice much, she’s a NY lawyer who has done some real estate work. A friend couldn’t force her free-loading adult child out of her house in Massachusetts, because of the child’s rights as a tenant, although i forget the details. I mean, i think she eventually did, but it was a long, slow, drawn-out thing that involved lawyers. (Which is why Maria, who lives in MA, absolutely shouldn’t let the family move in with her, at least, not without talking to a real estate lawyer, first.) ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/42 "2026-08-01T15:47:48Z")
My son and I stayed with a man and his father for 2 years in exchange for watching the father, who had dementia, when the guy did jobs. We had a key. They wanted us gone so called the police and made us leave. We later sued and got a small settlement. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/43 "2026-08-01T15:57:40Z")
In my experience, people like Maria are not willing to take the steps necessary to solve the problems. This is usually because the Daves and Cathys of the world spend a _lot_ of time and energy honing their manipulative skills, and are willing to go further to get what they want than the Marias are. So the question becomes not so much of what can Maria do, but whether she can bring herself to do it. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/44 "2026-08-01T16:18:06Z")
For fuck sake. Everyone is projecting all kinds of ignorant bullshit on Cathy when no one has even talked to her yet. This is fucking insane. Cathy thus far has done nothing wrong. She isn’t trashing the place and is in fact keeping it up very nicely and doing maintenance. Stop making ignorant assumptions based none of the facts presented so far. We don’t know a goddamned thing about her other than she lives there. How could she reasonably be expected to think anything other than everyone is ok with the situation? Just talk to her. She may be a pain in the ass or she may show gratitude and be happy to work out something reasonable or anything in between. Obviously you should be prepared but at least give someone a chance to not be an asshole before working yourself into a tizzy, ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/45 "2026-08-01T16:26:54Z")
We certainly don’t know the situation, but based on experience, it’s best to be prepared. From what we can see, Cathy is the type of person who stays 5 years for free in a cottage from an offer that was supposed to be just till she got back on her feet. Most reasonable people would not take that kind of advantage of someone unless is was crystal clear that Maria was okay with it. Most reasonable people would have moved out long ago or worked out some kind of rent agreement with Maria. Just on that behavior, Cathy (and Dave) seems like the kind of person who would act entitled to stay on the house. A lot of the responses have been based on who we think those people are based on our own experiences. If Cathy agrees to move out, great!, but based on personal experience from similar situations in our own lives, that doesn’t seem likely. Maria should talk to Cathy before taking any legal action, but she should go into that conversation knowing what to do if Cathy is not agreeable to moving out. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/46 "2026-08-01T16:30:14Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > Cathy’s dad should actually be the one who confronts Cathy about moving out. Maria shouldn’t have to do it. And offer his daughter any financial incentive HE thinks she’s due. Plan C would be to sell the cottage to Cathy’s Dad at market value. I’d be interested in the financial arrangement between Maria and her boyfriend with their current living arrangement. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/47 "2026-08-01T16:37:43Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > it’s best to be prepared Yeah. I literally said that. No one ever told her it’s time to get going so why should she assume that Maria cared if she stayed there. The place was sitting empty anyway and Maria didn’t want to use it or seem inclined to rent it. Cathy is keeping it up. She replaced the water heater on her own dime (granted much less than rent). If Cathy wasn’t there when the water heater failed it would have been a disaster. Cathy being there means it’s being maintained and someone is keeping an eye on it. Maria doesn’t have to schlep out there and check on things and deal with maintanance. Maria is getting a caretaker for free. Cathy is getting by far the better part of the deal but it’s far from one way. > [@filmore](#): > > Cathy is the type of person who stays 5 years for free in a cottage from an offer that was supposed to be just till she got back on her feet What the fuck does this even mean? We have no idea how vague that conversation was. Up until now no one ever told Cathy that the situation was a problem or even annoying. Her being there was harmless or arguably beneficial. > [@filmore](#): > > but based on personal experience from similar situations in our own lives Projection based on way too little information. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s an issue but I can’t see anything that Cathy has done wrong so far other than getting a sweet deal and at least giving some partial payback. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/48 "2026-08-01T16:40:30Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Maria is getting a caretaker for free. Maria could have sold it on day one. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/49 "2026-08-01T16:42:22Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > Hopefully it doesn’t come to a point where courts get involved, but if it does, Maria should find anything in writing about the living situation. Even if there wasn’t a document written from the start, there may be texts or emails to Cathy, Dave, or anyone else where Maria talks about the living situation being temporary (e.g. just till she gets back on her feet). Oral agreements won’t count for much in front of a judge. Anything she has in writing will greatly help her case if it comes to that. From NH law, she’s a tenant-at-will, no lease. So she can be evicted, without reason, but there’s a procedure to follow which takes a certain amount of time. Texts, emails, originally (or event recently) saying it’s a temporary situation don’t matter, all that matters is following the legal procedure for an eviction. I mean, sure, Cathy can collect all the evidence she wants, but should not be surprised at all if her lawyer tells her it’s all meaningless. I’m 99.9% certain if it does get in front of a judge all that will matter is if the proper notices were served at the proper times and the procedure was followed correctly. > [@hajario](#): > > For fuck sake. Everyone is projecting all kinds of ignorant bullshit on Cathy when no one has even talked to her yet. This is fucking insane. Cathy thus far has done nothing wrong. She isn’t trashing the place and is in fact keeping it up very nicely and doing maintenance. From the OP: “But what to do about Cathy? She ‘refuses’ to even talk about moving out. Cathy obviously doesn’t want to lose the house she’s lived in “for free” for five years.” “She refuses to even talk about moving out” to me means Maria (or Dave) did start the conversation but Cathy wouldn’t even respond. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/50 "2026-08-01T16:43:40Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > She refuses to even talk about moving out to me means Maria (or Dave) did start the conversation but Cathy wouldn’t even respond. Well damn. All of that posting for nothing. Retracted. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/51 "2026-08-01T16:57:57Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > What the fuck does this even mean? If you invited her to stay at your house until she got back on her feet what would you expect it to mean? Enough time to save for the 1st/last month’s rent and maybe another month for good measure.? Certainly not 5 years and a refusal to discuss it. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/52 "2026-08-01T17:28:46Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > all that matters is following the legal procedure for an eviction. I mean, sure, Cathy can collect all the evidence she wants, but should not be surprised at all if her lawyer tells her it’s all meaningless. I’m 99.9% certain if it does get in front of a judge all that will matter is if the proper notices were served at the proper times and the procedure was followed correctly. Exactly. If NH law is anything like Nebraska law, this is what it will take. You have to steel your nerves and start the process, crossing all your T’s and dotting all your i’s. I recently did it with a recalcitrant tenant, with the help of clerks in the civil section of my county court. Fees and court costs ended up being about $300. Well worth it. Sheriffs deputies did the confrontations serving the various notices, I didn’t even have to be involved. The judge would have too but the tenant never showed up for either of the court hearings. After the judge’s decision was delivered to the ex-tenant, again by deputies, he is now on notice that he will be arrested if he comes onto my property. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/53 "2026-08-01T18:55:57Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > > [@hajario](#): > > > > For fuck sake. Everyone is projecting all kinds of ignorant bullshit on Cathy when no one has even talked to her yet. This is fucking insane. Cathy thus far has done nothing wrong. She isn’t trashing the place and is in fact keeping it up very nicely and doing maintenance. > > From the OP: “But what to do about Cathy? She ‘refuses’ to even talk about moving out. Cathy obviously doesn’t want to lose the house she’s lived in “for free” for five years.” > > “She refuses to even talk about moving out” to me means Maria (or Dave) did start the conversation but Cathy wouldn’t even respond. No one seems to be “worked into a tizzy” except for @hajario . We are just providing unprofessional legal opinions on the situation. Obviously we have no personal stake in the outcome. Yes, the normal person scenario is Maria says “we are selling the place, I’m sorry you have to move out.” But the question seems to be what are the options if that doesn’t happen. ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/54 "2026-08-01T19:02:04Z")
Note that @hajario has retracted his indignation. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/55 "2026-08-01T23:20:30Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > We had a key. They wanted us gone so called the police and made us leave. We later sued and got a small settlement. You mean they didn’t give you notice before telling you to leave? ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/56 "2026-08-01T23:24:08Z")
I’m surprised they’ve let her boyfriends freeload with her. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2026, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/57 "2026-08-02T00:04:13Z")
I’m not. I think it would be weird to say, “you can stay there for months on end, but you can’t have guests visit”. And guests who visit turn into guests who stay. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2026, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/58 "2026-08-02T00:37:21Z")
Most likely, once Cathy moved in, Maria ceased to really think about the situation much. She knew someone quasi-family was living there and doing basic maintenance, so she didn’t have to be concerned about that; she knew she wasn’t getting rent, so she didn’t have to be concerned about that. I’m assuming a lot, I know, but I’ve known a lot of people in vaguely similar situations: they all seem to just hope things will work themselves out without their having to do anything difficult. Especially if it’s not an active irritant, it’s easy to just let things go on. It’s much harder to change them, especially without causing friction. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2026, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/59 "2026-08-02T01:14:10Z")
Passive people attract scammers. Film at 11. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2026, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020/60 "2026-08-03T14:05:22Z")
So according to various AI searches, this would be the procedure/timeline for eviction if Cathy holds on for dear life & refuses to move (assuming Maria doesn’t own 4 or more properties in NH) Post a 30 day eviction notice. After 30 days file a Landlord & Tenant Writ with the court. Have a sheriff serve the Writ. The tenant has 7 days to either leave, or file an appearance to contest, or do nothing. If they don’t file an appearance to contest, or do nothing, a hearing will be scheduled “within a few weeks”. At the hearing, the judge will decide, almost certainly for Maria with the facts given. They will issue a writ of possession, which the sheriff will then serve & remove Cathy as needed. So it does take about 2 months from original notice to tenant removal if the tenant drags their heels all the way. Given that the sale will have a date by which the new owner will take possession, presumably dependent on Cathy’s absence, it might make sense to Maria to post the eviction notice even if Cathy agrees to leave. That way she wouldn’t be stuck with Cathy saying “Fine, I’ll move out” and doing nothing about it, and then a month later realizing she’s going to be stuck unable to get Cathy out in time to finalize the sale. Heck, she can tell Cathy & Dave that the sales contract had a provision that she would immediately post the notice, put in for the buyers protection, she wouldn’t have to mention that she was the one who put it there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-family-quandary-freeloading-relatives-cottage-might-be-sold/1032020.md?page=4)