# Help with a friend who really doesn't get it **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 3, 2020, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856 "2020-03-03T11:21:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/1 "2020-03-03T11:21:34Z")
A local friend really doesn’t get that life is not all Simpsons quips and inside jokes. Traditionally, at our local sports bar, Sunday nights are for cheesy action movies of the Chuck Norris or kung-fu style. No sound, we fill in the dialogue ourselves. We have fun to movies without sound (but with music from the radio): “You have dishonored my sister–hunh–now you must–huh–prepare to die!” The crowd of regulars is ready to fill in something equally ridiculous, and we all have a good laugh. This is what we do on Sunday nights. Except this guy. Everything is a Simpsons-something. “See that guy in the white suit? You just know he’s gonna do something great.” Never mind that nobody in a white suit is in the movie. It’s a Simpsons reference, and he likes it, and I hate it. I want to join in with the other guys, and have fun making up dialogue without being distracted by Simpsons references. But if I do, I get jabbed in the arm, “Hey do you remember that guy in the white suit? How about when Homer…?” I simply want to be left alone to have fun with my friends, watching this Sunday’s crappy movie. How can I tell this guy–politely, of course–that he’s welcome to join in with us Sunday night regulars, but that he has to realize that not everybody has watched the Simpsons, may not get their jokes, or has no clue as to what he’s talking about? And that they are not interested in the Simpsons at all when Chuck Norris is kung-fu-ing somebody in the face? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/2 "2020-03-03T12:01:04Z")
If you talk to him the way you plan to, make sure everyone in your group feels the same way you do. I would likely get tired of a one-trick Simpson’s pony (although I do love the Simpson’s). But I can imagine someone else might think it’s no big deal. If you aren’t sure how everyone else feels, you could just limit the conversation to how you feel about it. “Hey, bro. I don’t get your jokes sometimes so forgive me if I don’t always laugh at them. Maybe mix it up a little, you know what I’m saying?” Also, does he seem particularly bothered that no one is laughing at his jokes? If he is oblivious about the weirdness of his references, maybe he is equally oblivious to the lack of positive response? Or maybe he is and he’s just indifferent. Does he laugh at your kung-fu lines? This may not seem important, but I’m thinking if you play the “no one thinks your bit is funny” card, then you’ve got to anticipate a similar volley from him, even if it’s not true. I have a friend who is goofy like me, but sometimes her humor can be so goofy that I can’t even fake laugh at it because I’m too busy thinking “WTF”. Sometimes she catches me not “getting it” and she says something like, “I guess it was a lot funnier in my head”. I feel really bad when this happens. So I sympathize with your situation. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/3 "2020-03-03T13:39:24Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > How can I tell this guy–politely, of course–that he’s welcome to join in with us Sunday night regulars, but that he has to realize that not everybody has watched the Simpsons, may not get their jokes, or has no clue as to what he’s talking about? And that they are not interested in the Simpsons at all when Chuck Norris is kung-fu-ing somebody in the face? Just put on your best Ned Flanders voice and say “Ho diddley ho there, neighborino! Now you’re welcome to join the group here, but I can’t chitty chat with just you all night long. The rest of the gang is a kung-fu-fillity-fightin so I’m joining the Chuck Norris togetherness night. Okily Dokily.” He’ll get the point. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/4 "2020-03-03T14:08:53Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > –politely, of course– This is where you lost me. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/5 "2020-03-03T15:01:16Z")
If you aren’t very straightforward when you tell him, he’s not going to get it. How about something like “Wednesday night is Simpsons night. Tonight is Chuck Norris.” ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/6 "2020-03-03T15:41:36Z")
I get jokes. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/7 "2020-03-03T16:06:57Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > –politely, of course– > [@panache45](#): > > This is where you lost me. Me as well. Maybe my friends are different than the OP’s, but I say things like, "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?’ when such speech is justified. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/8 "2020-03-03T16:31:00Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > Just put on your best Ned Flanders voice and say “Ho diddley ho there, neighborino! Now you’re welcome to join the group here, but I can’t chitty chat with just you all night long. The rest of the gang is a kung-fu-fillity-fightin so I’m joining the Chuck Norris togetherness night. Okily Dokily.” > > He’ll get the point. I disagree - he might take it as you enjoying his efforts, and redouble them. I think the OP has the answer in its first line - next time he does this three or four times in a row, lightly say “Hey, I get it, but not everything in life is a Simpson’s joke - how about trying something else once in a while?”. Maybe it won’t work, but personally I probably wouldn’t want to bother escalating it more than that. My guess is either he thinks he’s hit on a winning formula and will just keep repeating it unless clearly told not to, and/or is a bit socially awkward and doesn’t really know how to come up with anything else - in either case, letting them know might help them to modify their behaviour slightly and increase your overall enjoyment without kicking them out of the group entirely (or, worse, gradually letting a social event that you all otherwise enjoy wither on the vine as you and others stop going). ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/9 "2020-03-03T17:21:49Z")
Lighten up, Francis. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/10 "2020-03-03T18:19:40Z")
If I watch an episode of Simpsons from beginning to end it will be the first time. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/11 "2020-03-03T18:24:04Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Me as well. Maybe my friends are different than the OP’s, but I say things like, "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?’ when such speech is justified. This. Or “Dude, most of your Simpsons crap is lost on me. Come up with some new shit!” ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/12 "2020-03-03T18:28:17Z")
You need to use analogies he can understand. He is being a Martin Prince and you’re Nelson. Is this like a standard bar setup with a bunch of TVs, so you don’t have to crane your head too much no matter where you sit? Or like theater style, I’m having trouble imagining that. > [@Mallard](#): > > If I watch an episode of Simpsons from beginning to end it will be the first time. Okay. ---
**Author:** ![BeeGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@BeeGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeeGee)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/13 "2020-03-03T18:31:44Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Me as well. Maybe my friends are different than the OP’s, but I say things like, "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?’ when such speech is justified. And if that guy is that annoying, I make damned sure not to sit close enough to him that he could jab me in the arm. In fact, this would annoy me far worse than any Simpsons reference. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/14 "2020-03-03T18:42:36Z")
If I watch an episode of Simpsons from beginning to end it will be the first time. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/15 "2020-03-03T18:49:02Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > If I watch an episode of Simpsons from beginning to end it will be the first time. We get it, man. Enough with the Simpsons references. Come up with some new shit! ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2020, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/16 "2020-03-03T19:04:37Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > You need to use analogies he can understand. He is being a Martin Prince and you’re Nelson. He is being a Ralph Wiggins, IMHO. Sent from my moto x4 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2020, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/17 "2020-03-04T01:50:07Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > If you aren’t very straightforward when you tell him, he’s not going to get it. How about something like “Wednesday night is Simpsons night. Tonight is Chuck Norris.” **Do you know what tonight is?** Sunday? **That’s right. Now, Sunday night, is Chuck Norris night.** Chuck Norris night? \*\*Yup. See—_Wednesday_ night, \*that’s \*Simpson’s night. Boy, you done gots yourself in the wrong night! \*\* ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2020, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/18 "2020-03-04T02:14:09Z")
Yeah, he really sounds clueless and tone-deaf. You have to be blunt with people like that (but not mean) or they won’t hear you. Consider it like when you’re correcting one of your cats. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2020, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/19 "2020-03-04T02:18:19Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > He is being a Ralph Wiggins, IMHO. > > Sent from my moto x4 using Tapatalk _ahem_ Wiggum. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2020, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856/20 "2020-03-04T02:53:09Z")
It pains me to say this as an OG Simpsons fan, but there’s something about that show that’s like crack to people incapable of coming up with their own jokes. If the group agrees to it, maybe you could have a “No Simpsons references” rule announced at the beginning and perhaps even posted on the wall, the way improv troupes have had to institute a “no porn” rule when taking audience suggestions because that shit has gotten so old it’s collecting Social Security. But I’m afraid that, if you do successfully shut down this guy’s Simpsons regurgitation, he’ll have nothing to say. Telling him to mix it up might be tactful, but it’s not advice he can actually use. If he’s throwing out lines that don’t even make sense in context, when there is literally an appropriate Simpsons quote for every single situation in life and in art, it’s not because he’s sitting on a goldmine of original material he just hasn’t thought to use. The best you can do is either learn to ignore him and let him have his fun, or find a way to shut him up entirely. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-a-friend-who-really-doesnt-get-it/848856.md?page=2)