# Help with an adage/aphorism/saying **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [May 12, 2004, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736 "2004-05-12T04:47:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/1 "2004-05-12T04:47:02Z")
There’s a set of sayings that go: Never get in a \_\_\_\_\_\_ match with a \_\_\_\_\_\_ In other words, don’t try to beat them at their own game. For the life of me, I can’t think of any. Please help! ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/2 "2004-05-12T04:50:26Z")
> [@](#): > > Said Dwight D. Eisenhower: “Never get in a pissing match with a skunk.” From [here](http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/database/article_display.cfm?HHID=494). ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Ed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Just\_Ed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Ed)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/3 "2004-05-12T05:17:59Z")
Slightly different sentiment, but I’ve always liked “Never try to teach a pig to sing - it wastes your time and annoys the pig.” ---
**Author:** ![Stana\_Claus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stana_claus/32/13874_2.png) [@Stana\_Claus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stana_Claus)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/4 "2004-05-12T12:29:09Z")
I’ve always heard it as “Never get in a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.” SC ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/5 "2004-05-12T13:03:57Z")
On relations with the press: “Never pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel.” ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/6 "2004-05-12T13:12:10Z")
Never get in a zebra-eating contest with a lion? Never get in a pollen-collecting contest with a bee? Never get in a ant-eating contest with an anteater? Never get in a brain-eating contest with the living dead? Never get in a laughing contest with a hyena? Never get in a thread-posting contest with Eve? I give up. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/7 "2004-05-12T13:36:34Z")
> [@Quixotic](#): > > Slightly different sentiment, but I’ve always liked “Never try to teach a pig to sing - it wastes your time and annoys the pig.” _Completely_ different sentiment, spoken by Mark Twain. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/8 "2004-05-12T16:29:46Z")
Never go up against a Sicilian when _Death_ is on the line. Ha ha ha ha hahahaha clunk. * * * Never get in a pissing contest with a beer drinker. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/9 "2004-05-12T16:34:05Z")
Never get into a farting contest with a lactose intolerant. This doesn’t have anything to do with your adage… I’m just saying don’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/10 "2004-05-12T16:57:48Z")
“Never get involved in a land war in Asia” cautions against playing a game where the other side has a distinct advantage (specifically, where the field of play is amazingly hostile to visitors come winter). From _The Princess Bride_. “Never bring a knife to a gun fight” cautions against entering into a dispute with an opponent who is better prepared, or more willing to escalate the situation against you. Most commonly quoted from _The Untouchables_, screenplay dialogue by David Mamet. “Don’t try to bullshit a bullshitter” means that if you try to use someone’s own trick against them, you will almost certainly fail: they spend their time worrying about all of the flaws in their plan, and will exploit the same flaws in your plan instantly and without remorse. That’s one I learned from my Dad. It’s common in the American south. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/11 "2004-05-12T22:16:35Z")
Before getting into a pissing match, you should consider your beer supply and the condition of your own prostate. --Oliver Faltz Never get in a shouting match with a cheerleader. --Oliver Faltz Never get into a sleeping bag with a cat. --Nott, examining the lacerations on his leg ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2004, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-an-adage-aphorism-saying/244736/12 "2004-05-12T22:20:02Z")
The one I’ve always heard was: “Never get in an a\*\*-kicking match with a porcupine.”