# Help With Kissing **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 29, 2007, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885 "2007-06-29T06:13:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/1 "2007-06-29T06:13:01Z")
Okay, I went out with this guy tonight and I really like him. He is sweet, funny, and he seems like a guy I could really enjoy spending time with. However, the kissing is bad. Very bad. TMI ALERT! He basically just sticks his tounge in your mouth and leaves it there the whole time. He seems like he is doing it to try and be a little bit “dominant” or something, but it squicks me out. How do I politely teach him that my mouth is not his tounge storage unit? Is it possible to save a bad kisser, or do I need to send him back out into the dating world? ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/2 "2007-06-29T06:16:32Z")
I have no advice to offer you; only sympathy. However, I did want to say that the imagery created by your username made me giggle in light of the thread’s topic. Best of luck to you (and to him, for that matter)! ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/3 "2007-06-29T06:24:49Z")
[QUOTE=pbbth] He basically just sticks his tounge in your mouth and leaves it there the whole time. [/QUOTE] I bet Dr. Phil gets this alot. My advice: one, two, there, four, I declare a tounge war! ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/4 "2007-06-29T07:07:52Z")
If you like him, talk to him. If you do it right, you can make him think he is the world’s greatest lover, and make him a better kisser at the same time. Don’t say: Don’t stick your tongue in my mouth and leave it there YUUCK! Instead say something like: You what really turns me on? It’s when you take your tongue and rub it around the just inside my lips and rub them. I also love it when just the tips of our tongues touch. (Or what ever words fit how you want him to kiss) [personal anecdote][TMI alert] I had a girlfriend that could bring herself to orgasm, and almost get me there just from kissing. She would put her tongue partway into my mouth (maybe 1/3-1/2 way, rub my lips and tongue, and here is the part that made it mind blowing, apply suction with her whole mouth. I would also apply suction and OH. MY. GOD. It was like a kiss, oral sex and a hickey all rolled into one.[/PA][/TMI] ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/5 "2007-06-29T07:11:23Z")
If his kissing technique is an indicator of other activities, this doesn’t bode well. OTOH, if you’re willing to offer classes in Tongue 101 - How to Ring My Bell, he may prove to be a worthy student. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/6 "2007-06-29T12:05:48Z")
[Lynyrd Skynyrd] I don’t know much about love, but Baby, I can guess the rest… [/Lynyrd Skynyrd] ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/7 "2007-06-29T12:08:13Z")
Seems to me like it would be hard to teach that kind of thing but I could be wrong. Every girl I’ve ever kissed has remarked that I am a great kisser. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/8 "2007-06-29T12:37:01Z")
Tell him he’s supposed to _swallow_ the Viagra before it dissolves. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/9 "2007-06-29T14:53:34Z")
[QUOTE=pbbth] However, the kissing is bad. Very bad. How do I politely teach him that my mouth is not his tounge storage unit? Is it possible to save a bad kisser, or do I need to send him back out into the dating world? [/QUOTE] I was married at 20 and divorced at 32, and almost all my dating experiences were with men 30 and older. The good news: most were good if not flat great kissers. The bad news: those few who were bad kissers didn’t want to learn to kiss me. I was temporarily intriqued by Vince, who hadn’t even tried to kiss me at the end of our 2nd date, despite the hormone raging in the air between us. I soon found out why—his were the kisses of death. And he wasn’t interested in polite, gentle instruction. He said he just hated kissing and avoided it. Henrey was willing to listen for seconds at a time but always went back to what he liked—sloppy and wet. He said he liked it that way. I was never able to save a bad kisser, but use your powers for good if you deem him worthy. Maybe he takes direction well. I sent Vince and Henrey back. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/10 "2007-06-29T15:01:43Z")
[QUOTE=Rick] Don’t say: Don’t stick your tongue in my mouth and leave it there YUUCK! Instead say something like: You what really turns me on? It’s when you… [/QUOTE] This was what I was going to say. Try to put a positive spin on your comments as much as possible. Telling him things you like or want him to try doing is always better to hear than just descriptions of what he’s doing wrong. Even if you do have to tell him to knock it off with the dead fish tongue, be ready with examples of what you do like. If he’s unwilling to change or just doesn’t get it, ditch him. Preferably out in the woods somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/11 "2007-06-29T15:26:45Z")
You should try talking to him. And if that doesn’t work but you’re still interested, you should try straddling him and saying “Don’t move, just pay attention.” and \*showing \* him what you like. And if \*that \* doesn’t work, you’ve gotta throw him back. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/12 "2007-06-29T15:40:50Z")
It is entirely possible that nobody has told him. In that case, you owe it to him to bring it up even if you break up with him. But lessons would be more fun. If you find that he is willing to be flexible to please you in this department you have learned much that bodes well about this person. If not, what have you risked? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/13 "2007-06-29T16:00:10Z")
Yeah, I agree with the others who say you need to talk to him about it. When my boyfriend and I first hooked up, he thought proper sexy kissing involved sucking my tongue so hard that it was actually bruised for a week afterwards. I promptly put an end to that by mentioning it, nicely (“Heh, still thinking about that make-out session from the other day. You really bruised my tongue, dude. Not as sexy as you’d think…”) and actually mentioning it again when he tried it again later on (“Heynow…easy on the tongue!”) I wasn’t “training” him just letting him know what I liked or didn’t like. He didn’t complain and now we’re all good. ---
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/14 "2007-06-29T16:16:28Z")
[QUOTE=pbbth] …tounge storage unit… [/QUOTE] HA!!! Thanks, I needed that. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/15 "2007-06-29T16:18:21Z")
Isn’t there a large risk that he is bad in bed too? If he hasn’t even learned this yet. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/16 "2007-06-29T16:19:38Z")
[QUOTE=mr. jp] Isn’t there a large risk that he is bad in bed too? If he hasn’t even learned this yet. [/QUOTE] A majority of people play the mindreading game, so it’s likely no-one has ever told him, which makes “learning” an impossibility. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/17 "2007-06-29T16:23:57Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] A majority of people play the mindreading game, so it’s likely no-one has ever told him, which makes “learning” an impossibility. [/QUOTE] Yes, so I’m saying: He probably hasn’t “learned” anything about actual sex either. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/18 "2007-06-29T16:25:07Z")
Just be careful about how you tell him this lest he go off in a huff. However, if he goes off in a huff, good riddance. The last person I kissed was not good at kissing on the mouth; he subscribes to the “eat your partner’s face” school of thought. I told him gently that this was not my preferred method; he seemed puzzled and said no one else had ever complained about it (supporting **Priceguy’s** post about mind-reading). Now, though kissing is not his strong suit, he’s great at everything else, so it isn’t always an indication. Unfortunately, he is also convinced (no matter how much I tell him not to) that sticking his tongue in someone’s ear is the height of sexiness, so changing his ways (or at least changing what he does to _me_) has not been a raging success. ---
**Author:** ![hawksgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@hawksgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawksgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/19 "2007-06-29T16:26:25Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] Unfortunately, he is also convinced (no matter how much I tell him not to) that sticking his tongue in someone’s ear is the height of sexiness [/QUOTE] EWWWW! :eek: _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885/20 "2007-06-29T16:35:25Z")
[QUOTE=hawksgirl] EWWWW! :eek: _shudder_ [/QUOTE] Yeah. Does anyone actually like that, or am I going to have to nickname him “Wet Willy”? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-kissing/409885.md?page=2)