# Help with One-paragraph essay \[MERGED\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2011, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040 "2011-09-03T09:04:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/61 "2011-09-10T13:33:48Z")
> [@Reza](#): > > Thank you for your time and attention. Please feel free to correct and comment all of my posts, even the most delicate errors. Speaking with regard to my own posts, my suggestions are a matter of style. The changes I suggest are not to correct _errors_, but rather to make the wording sound more natural for a native U.S.-English speaker. Once a reader thinks, “What an unusual way to say that,” they are no longer thinking about your message. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/62 "2011-09-10T13:50:53Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > There isn’t one word that means the opposite of “email.” Many people use the term _snailmail_ for all other mail. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/63 "2011-09-10T15:49:50Z")
> [@aldiboronti](#): > > Many people use the term _snailmail_ for all other mail. You can only use that in very informal speech. It’s a joke. You would sound like an idiot if your lawyer said, “did you send a letter to your landlord?” and you answered “yup! By snailmail!” There isn’t a single antonym for email that has the neutral tone that email has. As I said, various other things are used: US Mail, postal service, USPS, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/64 "2011-09-10T18:40:09Z")
> [@Reza](#): > > I understand what you and others told about the “usage”, and I completely agree with that. AS, we may say a Big Problem, but simply because gigantic is a Synonym / word family of “Big”, we can not say a Gigantic Problem! > This issue exists in any language. No, you can totally say “gigantic problem”. “This project has become a gigantic problem!” “We have a gigantic problem with the tractor today; you need to come take a look at it.” It is, however, emphasis - I wouldn’t say that unless it was, in fact, a gigantic problem. And for some reason, we say “time management” and “manage your time”. It’s just one of those usage things - it’s not _wrong_ to say you organize your time, but it sounds “off” to the native speaker. ETA - by the way, thank you for your questions. It’s fascinating to see your own language through somebody else’s eyes and try to articulate why we say things in certain ways. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/65 "2011-09-15T00:00:02Z")
[Moderating] **Reza** , we have no problem with you asking this kind of question, but when there are five threads going at a time, they start clogging up the front page. I have merged the two “Help with one-paragraph essay” threads into this single thread and moved it from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion. When you have new questions, please add them to the end of this thread instead of starting a new one. Thank you! [/moderating] ---
**Author:** ![Reza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Reza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reza)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/66 "2011-09-18T20:41:51Z")
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:65, topic:595040”] [Moderating] **Reza** , we have no problem with you asking this kind of question, but when there are five threads going at a time, they start clogging up the front page. I have merged the two “Help with one-paragraph essay” threads into this single thread and moved it from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion. When you have new questions, please add them to the end of this thread instead of starting a new one. Thank you! [/moderating] [/QUOTE] All ears ! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Reza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Reza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reza)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/67 "2011-09-18T20:43:07Z")
Sub.: twentieth-century medicine really works From what I’ve heard and read, and from what I’ve seen amid my relatives I believe that twentieth-century drugs really works. According to Dr. Johnson’s research, the president of a medical clinic, the feedback from patients taking new drugs in comparison with 50 years ago shows that today’s medicine is working much better and the efficacy of new drugs is quite satisfactory. Additionally, a survey conducted by the medical faculty of Ohio University, reveals that twentieth-century drugs have treated patients more effectively. Moreover, the adversary side effects are a prominent feature of these medicines. As an example, my 58-year-old aunt is so pleased with her new drugs as she says she feels much better with less bothering side effects. Also, an elderly woman who lives in our neighborhood says that her benign tumor is dwindling since she’s taken her new medicine. So, I have every reason to conclude that twentieth-century medicine works indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/68 "2011-09-19T13:52:29Z")
> [@Reza](#): > > Sub.: twentieth-century medicine really works > > From what I’ve heard and read, and from what I’ve seen amid my relatives I believe that twentieth-century drugs really works. According to Dr. Johnson’s research, the president of a medical clinic, the feedback from patients taking new drugs in comparison with 50 years ago shows that today’s medicine is working much better and the efficacy of new drugs is quite satisfactory. Additionally, a survey conducted by the medical faculty of Ohio University, reveals that twentieth-century drugs have treated patients more effectively. Moreover, the adversary side effects are a prominent feature of these medicines. As an example, my 58-year-old aunt is so pleased with her new drugs as she says she feels much better with less bothering side effects. Also, an elderly woman who lives in our neighborhood says that her benign tumor is dwindling since she’s taken her new medicine. So, I have every reason to conclude that twentieth-century medicine works indeed. It should be “drugs really work”. I’d rework the second line so that the clause “the president of a medical clinic” is right next to Dr Johnson’s name. Some thing like “According to research by Dr. Johnson’s, the president of a medical clinic”. In the fourth line, I think you mean adverse instead of adversary. I’m also not sure what you mean by this sentence in general. Saying there are adverse side effects as a prominent feature of these medicines would be evidence against the main point of your paragraph. Did you mean the lack of adverse side effects? In the fifth line, it should be “my 58-year-old aunt is pleased”. ---
**Author:** ![Reza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Reza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reza)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/69 "2011-09-19T13:58:55Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > It should be “drugs really work”. Yeah, a typo, later I realized it myself. > [@](#): > > In the fourth line, I think you mean adverse instead of adversary. I’m also not sure what you mean by this sentence in general. adverse, I meant. > [@](#): > > In the fifth line, it should be “my 58-year-old aunt is pleased”. I see, and why this adverb can’t be used? And neither “very”? Thank you so much. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/70 "2011-09-19T14:38:59Z")
You ned to provide a complete name and identification of Dr. Johnson, as in “Dr. Dwayne Johnson, Chief Medical Officer of the Mayo Clinic”. There’s probably 10,000 Dr. Johnsons. ---
**Author:** ![Reza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Reza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reza)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/71 "2011-09-19T15:01:09Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > You ned to provide a complete name and identification of Dr. Johnson, as in “Dr. Dwayne Johnson, Chief Medical Officer of the Mayo Clinic”. There’s probably 10,000 Dr. Johnsons. Thanks. And will that affect your score by TOEFL or IELTS graders? [I’m not sure about using “grader” here, I meant those people who correct and score mentioned exams.] ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/72 "2011-09-19T15:13:39Z")
I have no idea what or who those graders are. I am talking about general principles of citing a source. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/73 "2011-09-19T15:22:35Z")
> [@Reza](#): > > I see, and why this adverb can’t be used? And neither “very”? “Very” could be appropriate. However as we are taught in our writing classes, if you find yourself saying “really” or “very”… don’t. It weakens the impact of the sentence. You can either find a word that expresses the intensity of the feeling (“thrilled”) or simply leave it out for no change in meaning. “So” sounds a little casual. I can’t put my finger on it – it sounds off. > [@](#): > > Moreover, the adversary side effects are a prominent feature of these medicines. This sentence needs work. It sounds like you are saying there are many adverse side effects, yet, you also seem to say the large number of adverse side effects is a good thing, because you go on to state how pleased people are. Since large amounts of adverse side effects are **not** copnsidered a good thing, this sentence does not make much sense. I think you want to say Moreover, adverse side effects are less common with these new medications. ---
**Author:** ![Reza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Reza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reza)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/74 "2011-09-19T15:26:01Z")
This one is not an essay, but a free-style one. I mean It’s not written to be fitted into an essay skeleton, but a note in your diary or in a casual forum just to discuss it with others. Now, with above explanation, please do correct, edit and trim my writing for betterment. It’s been for half a year that I’ve been watching competition TV shows called “America’s got talent”, “So you think you can dance” and “American idol”. What all these programs have in common is that you won’t get bored due to their lively entertaining atmosphere along with articulate judges. Sometimes the conversations between the contestants and referees freeze you for a while that you hold your cup of drink still half way between your chest and your mouth, precisely, close enough to your lips so that you feel the heat and smell of our drink, but you can’t even sip at it fearing to lose a scene! What I’m trying to comment over these shows is not the way that they can lead you to a couch potato, but to talk about the conversations and overreactions from many candidates acting through the whole program. For the “SUTUCD” and “AGT”, I don’t see any abnormality over the exultation concomitant with wet eyes and shouting hooray, but the pathetic way of some contestants in “American idol” begging the judges to let them go through the next level is a degrading approach which makes you as an onlooker feel shameful! I believe if one is good enough and gifted with skill and self-confidence and above all, expecting the judges assess them technically not emotionally, they should not throw themselves on the judges’ mercy and let the real scores and judgments drag them into the next step. The point is that, even if the judges let any candidate pass through under the spell of contestants’ beauty, tears, and … etc, they would most probably fail in the semi-final and definitely in the final stage. It goes without saying that, at the same time, some manage to keep a cool head and jump on their feet in a fashionable manner not being considered hysterical. Apart from correcting my writing, this topic is open to discuss, and I’d like to hear your comments accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/75 "2011-09-19T15:34:33Z")
If you’re not already doing so, read your writing aloud. For me at least, the spoken word shows up irregularities and clumsinesses (like that one) that aren’t so obvious on the written page. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/76 "2011-09-20T04:12:39Z")
> [@Reza](#): > > I see, and why this adverb can’t be used? And neither “very”? “Very pleased” would work here. But “so pleased” implies that it’s the first part of a phrase. An example would be “My 58-year-old aunt is so pleased with her new drugs that she’s decided to marry her doctor.” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/77 "2011-09-20T05:03:53Z")
> [@Reza](#): > > Sub.: twentieth-century medicine really works > From what I’ve heard and read, and from what I’ve seen amid my relatives I believe that twentieth-century drugs really works. According to Dr. Johnson’s research, the president of a medical clinic, the feedback from patients taking new drugs in comparison with 50 years ago shows that today’s medicine is working much better and the efficacy of new drugs is quite satisfactory. Additionally, a survey conducted by the medical faculty of Ohio University, reveals that twentieth-century drugs have treated patients more effectively. Moreover, the adversary side effects are a prominent feature of these medicines. As an example, my 58-year-old aunt is so pleased with her new drugs as she says she feels much better with less bothering side effects. Also, an elderly woman who lives in our neighborhood says that her benign tumor is dwindling since she’s taken her new medicine. So, I have every reason to conclude that twentieth-century medicine works indeed. Okay, some other thoughts… **what I’ve seen amid my relatives** – I presume you mean “learned from conversations with my relatives”. Your wording suggests you seen a thing, like, sitting on the floor in the middle of a family reunion. **the feedback from patients taking new drugs in comparison with 50 years ago** – are you saying the patients today believe their drugs are more effective based on comparing the surveys of recent patients and those of 50 years ago, or that some other kind of research shows that new drugs are actually more effective than they were 50 years ago? \*\* medical faculty of Ohio University, reveals that\*\* – no comma needed **Moreover, the adversary side effects are a prominent feature of these medicines.** As others have noted, it’s “adverse”. Also, it reads as if you are saying adverse effects are a bonus of new drugs – you need to throw “reduced” in there. **as she says she feels much better with less bothering side effects** – I would change the underlined words to because and bothersome > [@Reza](#): > > This one is not an essay, but a free-style one. I mean It’s not written to be fitted into an essay skeleton, but a note in your diary or in a casual forum just to discuss it with others. > > Now, with above explanation, please do correct, edit and trim my writing for betterment. > It’s been for half a year that I’ve been watching competition TV shows called “America’s got talent”, “So you think you can dance” and “American idol”. > > What all these programs have in common is that you won’t get bored due to their lively entertaining atmosphere along with articulate judges. Sometimes the conversations between the contestants and referees freeze you for a while that you hold your cup of drink still half way between your chest and your mouth, precisely, close enough to your lips so that you feel the heat and smell of our drink, but you can’t even sip at it fearing to lose a scene! > > What I’m trying to comment over these shows is not the way that they can lead you to a couch potato, but to talk about the conversations and overreactions from many candidates acting through the whole program. For the “SUTUCD” and “AGT”, I don’t see any abnormality over the exultation concomitant with wet eyes and shouting hooray, but the pathetic way of some contestants in “American idol” begging the judges to let them go through the next level is a degrading approach which makes you as an onlooker feel shameful! > > I believe if one is good enough and gifted with skill and self-confidence and above all, expecting the judges assess them technically not emotionally, they should not throw themselves on the judges’ mercy and let the real scores and judgments drag them into the next step. > > The point is that, even if the judges let any candidate pass through under the spell of contestants’ beauty, tears, and … etc, they would most probably fail in the semi-final and definitely in the final stage. > > It goes without saying that, at the same time, some manage to keep a cool head and jump on their feet in a fashionable manner not being considered hysterical. > > Apart from correcting my writing, this topic is open to discuss, and I’d like to hear your comments accordingly. You should follow the show titles with the acronyms in parentheses which will identify them, and then you can use them later without quotes. **they can lead you to a couch potato** – they can turn you into… **smell of our drink** – I presume this is a typo and you meant “your drink”. \*\*“American idol” begging the judges to let \*\* – wrong tense, should be “beg”. **some manage to keep a cool head and jump on their feet in a fashionable manner not being considered hysterical.** – jump “on” their feet? I’ve never seen this show so I’m not sure what you mean, but it would be highly unusual for them to jump on any other part of their bodies. Are they jumping “to” their feet from some other position like sitting? Or are they jumping up and down? "fashionable manner should be either “fashion” or “manner” but not both. the last part I would say something like “that doesn’t look ridiculous (or silly)”. ---
**Author:** ![Reza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Reza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reza)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/78 "2011-09-20T16:23:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Okay, some other thoughts… what I’ve seen amid my relatives – I presume you mean “learned from conversations with my relatives”. Your wording suggests you seen a thing, like, sitting on the floor in the middle of a family reunion. Yes, you hit the nail. Thanks for the correction, that was very nice. > [@](#): > > he feedback from patients taking new drugs in comparison with 50 years ago – are you saying the patients today believe their drugs are more effective based on comparing the surveys of recent patients and those of 50 years ago, or that some other kind of research shows that new drugs are actually more effective than they were 50 years ago? The latter. > [@](#): > > some manage to keep a cool head and jump on their feet in a fashionable manner not being considered hysterical. – jump “on” their feet? I’ve never seen this show so I’m not sure what you mean, but it would be highly unusual for them to jump on any other part of their bodies. Are they jumping “to” their feet from some other position like sitting? Or are they jumping up and down? Jump to their feet, I meant. Thanks. > [@](#): > > "fashionable manner should be either “fashion” or “manner” but not both Manner can be left alone, but not fashionable I think. It is an adjective here meaning most acceptable or common. In this case, I will have, “ . . . jump to their feet in a fashionable not being considered …” then the reader will ask herself, in fashionable what? I hope I could have explained my point clearly. Thanks a lot for your help. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/79 "2011-09-20T17:54:52Z")
Not fashionable – fashion, which is in this context is a synonym to manner. ---
**Author:** ![Reza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Reza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reza)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040/80 "2011-09-20T19:50:12Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Not fashionable – fashion, which is in this context is a synonym to manner. I’m sorry, I read your comment quickly and I thought still you wrote “either fashionable or manner should be used” Yep, of course that figures! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/help-with-one-paragraph-essay-merged/595040.md?page=3)