# Helping a friend for money **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 5, 2019, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742 "2019-09-05T15:43:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/1 "2019-09-05T15:43:51Z")
If any of you read some of my former threads, you will know I used to be in a relationship with a guy, it wasn’t a great relationship, he was on drugs. He isn’t anymore, and I got some self esteem and we remained friends. He had a stroke in November, and was back at home in February. I have my own place now, and he says I should come over (its a 2 minute walk) and make him breakfast, lunch and dinner,for free. If I want money for it (hes offered two dollars a day and that’s okay with me) but now says I am using him for money, people should do it for free. He said a neighbor offered to make him breakfast for free this morning, but she never showed up. I want your opinions, am I wrong? Should I do it for free? Is he being unreasonable? He’s been offered an aide that woul come three times a week to do this, but he refused it. p.s. please excuse my grammar, there may be too many commas. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/2 "2019-09-05T15:56:00Z")
You had an agreement. You prepare him three meals and he pays you $2 a day. How is that using him for money? Nobody should expect you to do anything for free. It’s nice when people do it, but in the real world people need money. Plain and simple. I love it when people do something for me for free, but if I agree to pay them for it, I ain’t renegotiating the terms. I sometimes work late at the store helping the night manager, and she drives me home for free. If she suddenly said I should pay her for driving me home, I’d tell her “No thanks, I’m taking the bus.” The guy is a loser. Get rid of him. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/3 "2019-09-05T16:09:34Z")
Dump him. He’s USING you. Let him hire someone from the want ads. I guarantee they will cost more than $2 bucks a day. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/4 "2019-09-05T16:18:49Z")
Friends don’t accuse friends of “using them for money” because the friend asked them to honor their original (incredibly lowball) offer of two dollars per day for making them three full meals. Personally, I’m a pretty good and efficient cook and I couldn’t prepare a home-cooked breakfast, lunch AND dinner for one person in less than about a half-hour minimum, probably longer on average. This guy’s expecting you to work for him for less than $5 per hour. If it were me, I’d agree to the job according to the original conditions, but as soon as the guy started whining about being “used” (which would probably be about five minutes after I walked in the door the first day), I’d quit and not come back. Seriously, I can understand somebody asking you as a **great favor** to come and prepare his meals for free, or for a token nominal sum, because he’s physically disabled and can’t afford help. But bitching that people ought to be volunteering their services, even though he’s refused the services of the aide he **is** entitled to avail himself of? And whining that accepting that very small nominal sum for work he’d probably have to pay ten times the amount for at market prices is “using him for money”? Really? Assholes gonna asshole, but you don’t have to put up with it. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/5 "2019-09-05T16:52:59Z")
You should stop doing it, period. This person is not your friend. This person is not your boss. _ **You owe this man exactly nothing** _. This person is an entitled piece of shit and you should rid yourself of him immediately and permanently. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/6 "2019-09-05T17:01:09Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > I want your opinions, am I wrong? Should I do it for free? Is he being unreasonable? No, no, and no. He’s not being unreasonable, he’s being the perfect definition of “asshole.” ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/7 "2019-09-05T17:08:08Z")
Being friends after a break up only works for mature people. Your “friend” doesn’t sound like he meets that requirement. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/8 "2019-09-05T17:10:16Z")
Preparing 3 meals a day for 2 bucks?? And he is _complaining_??? ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/9 "2019-09-05T17:31:09Z")
I agree with almost all of the above. Good Lord, what the hell does he expect? I would put him down as a basic asshole and get some distance again. ---
**Author:** ![Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tired_and_Cranky)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2019, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/10 "2019-09-05T17:36:07Z")
He sounds like a manipulative, entitled, ungrateful user. I would never have anything to do with him again. (And no worries about the grammar. What you wrote is clear but if it bothers you or makes you self conscious, you have too many commas because you are using them to splice together independent sentences. Those sentences should be separated by periods instead.) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2019, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/11 "2019-09-06T13:09:20Z")
Also, he claims he is off drugs yet he doesn’t want to pay you? What does he need that money for? Whenever a so-called ex-druggie starts talking money, run the other way. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2019, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/12 "2019-09-06T13:15:19Z")
> [@Typo\_Negative](#): > > Preparing 3 meals a day for 2 bucks?? And he is _complaining_??? Ask if he will stop complaining if you charge $5/day, otherwise, it will cost him more. Tell him you need the $ to buy more commas. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2019, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/13 "2019-09-06T13:19:06Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > You should stop doing it, period. This person is not your friend. This person is not your boss. _ **You owe this man exactly nothing** _. This person is an entitled piece of shit and you should rid yourself of him immediately and permanently. Concur with bells on. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2019, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/14 "2019-09-06T13:52:45Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > Tell him you need the $ to buy more commas. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/15 "2019-09-09T13:12:03Z")
Another thing: He is trying to guilt you into doing something you didn’t agree to do. Whenever anyone tries to charm or guilt you into doing something, run away. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/16 "2019-09-09T16:06:56Z")
It sounds as though you feel some sort of obligation to help this person - why is that? If there was some sort of strong friendship there (even a completely platonic one), I could see how it could much more reasonably be the arrangement that, say, he buys the ingredients, and you come over and help cooking, then both eat the meal. But he’s asking you to provide a service - his opening price sucks, and now he’s trying to get the service for free? Ask yourself if you really want to do this, and answer yourself honestly. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2019, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/17 "2019-09-09T19:59:44Z")
I don’t actually. I’ve been unemployed since April so needed the extra money, but his health plan allows someone to come over a few times a week to wash him, and cook. He buys the food with his food stamps (hes been on disability a long time for mental reasons) and I don’t like his unhealthy diet, so I wouldn’t share it. All of your advice is helping me decide to stop being taken for granted. I may accompany him to his doctors Thursday and will tell her it would be best if he got outside help. They are paid And don’t put up with bad treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/18 "2019-09-10T01:50:32Z")
Does he have permanent disabilities as a result of the stroke? Did it affect his personality? ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/19 "2019-09-10T10:23:16Z")
I wouldn’t get out of bed for $2. I certainly wouldn’t be a slave to this guy. For anything. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/20 "2019-09-10T14:16:39Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Does he have permanent disabilities as a result of the stroke? Did it affect his personality? He has difficulty walking, he uses a walker. I was out and about yesterday and he said he almost fell twice after going to the bathroom(on his own) as if I should not go anywhere. ha. His personality? Lord, it was bad before the stroke. He has anger issues (I have to watch what I say; if I say something I KNOW will upset him, I’ve done it on purpose to Make him mad. The only change in personality is he cries a lot now. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742.md?page=2)