# Helping a friend for money **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 5, 2019, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742 "2019-09-05T15:43:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/21 "2019-09-10T14:20:44Z")
As I’ve said before in this thread, the guy is an abusive manipulator. Everything bad he does is “someone else’s fault.” I bet he blames his drug use and stroke on someone else. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/22 "2019-09-10T20:20:21Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > He has difficulty walking, he uses a walker. I was out and about yesterday and he said he almost fell twice after going to the bathroom(on his own) as if I should not go anywhere. ha. > His personality? Lord, it was bad before the stroke. He has anger issues (I have to watch what I say; if I say something I KNOW will upset him, I’ve done it on purpose to Make him mad. > The only change in personality is he cries a lot now. He sounds like a real keeper! ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/23 "2019-09-10T20:42:00Z")
Even if you’re not currently employed, $2 is not enough money to matter one way or another. Your time is your own, and it has value. I can imagine after a stroke volunteering to make some freezer meals he could reheat. But expecting someone to wait on him hand and foot is probably bad for you both. If he’s so disabled he can’t make a sandwich, he should probably be in a nursing home. And if he’s working on his rehab from his stroke, he should be encouraged to do as much as possible for himself. So that covers the financial aspect of it. Now for the emotional. This guy is a user and a manipulator. Don’t let him do that to you. If you have lots of extra time, spend it volunteering some place that will appreciate your skills and maybe lead to a job. StG ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2019, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/24 "2019-09-10T20:46:02Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > As I’ve said before in this thread, the guy is an abusive manipulator. Everything bad he does is “someone else’s fault.” I bet he blames his drug use and stroke on someone else. Agree. But this situation is as much about the OP’s behavior as the other person’s. OP should do some reading on codependency. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2019, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/25 "2019-09-11T14:40:44Z")
No, not codependent. I want him to get the help he needs, since getting out of therapy, his walking is more unsteady. A friend of his comes over once a day to drive him to get coffee(which I carry, otherwise, its on the ground) and twice in the last week, he would’ve fell if I hadn’t been holding on to him. He’ll be seeing his doctor tomorrow, and I will tell her he needs assisted living. No, he can’t get up and make a sandwich himself. Myself, I am done serving him, $2 isn’t much but its something and him not offering anything is not what I deserve. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2019, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/26 "2019-09-11T22:10:35Z")
Good. Please stick to that. It sounds like you’re doing a lot more than “just” cooking his meals. You’re right. You deserve more. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2019, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/27 "2019-09-11T22:28:05Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > … he says I should come over (its a 2 minute walk) and make him breakfast, lunch and dinner,for free. If I want money for it (hes offered two dollars a day and that’s okay with me) but now says I am using him for money, people should do it for free. OK, if I had a friend who couldn’t work his own kitchen due to a stroke, I’d be perfectly happy to prep his food for maybe a couple months, and an offer of money for the service would offend me purple. The offer of money suggests acquaintance-level friendship at best, to me. An accusation amounting to “preying on the sick” would be the last words I heard from him. Because I’d write him off as an enemy, not because I’d, like, smother his defenseless ass with a pillow or anything. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/28 "2019-09-12T17:21:40Z")
As if most of your suggestions and opinions here haven’t helped me get stronger and see things clearer, last night was an exclamation point on it. This lady sometimes brings her dog to visit him, as he likes dogs. She came by and asked him what he was getting her for her birthday next week. So what he got her was some weed, from a person he knows. No, he pays for it for her! Hes usually quite stingy. I sit there, amazed, and say I make your food, and have wiped your butt and you get knotted up from me asking for some money and you are paying ten dollars for her drugs?:eek: Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2019, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/29 "2019-09-12T18:21:39Z")
Friendship is supposed to be a two way street. Has he even shown simple appreciation by saying thank you? If you feel like you’re being manipulated it’s a pretty good bet you’re being manipulated. I think cutting contact with this man would be a good idea, you don’t need someone like him in your life, find better people to hang out with. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2019, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/30 "2019-09-13T13:53:53Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Also, he claims he is off drugs yet he doesn’t want to pay you? What does he need that money for? > > Whenever a so-called ex-druggie starts talking money, run the other way. > [@SuntanLotion](#): > > As if most of your suggestions and opinions here haven’t helped me get stronger and see things clearer, last night was an exclamation point on it. > This lady sometimes brings her dog to visit him, as he likes dogs. > She came by and asked him what he was getting her for her birthday next week. > So what he got her was some weed, from a person he knows. No, he pays for it for her! Hes usually quite stingy. I sit there, amazed, and say I make your food, and have wiped your butt and you get knotted up from me asking for some money and you are paying ten dollars for her drugs?:eek: > Wow. TOLD YOU SO!!!😃 Seriously. I had a relative who was a high level drug dealer, and I managed a rooming house full of crackheads. I know more about illegal drug users than most people. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2019, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/31 "2019-09-13T15:17:40Z")
Annie, you are awesome. But, he doesn’t use drugs; he can’t, hes on probation. It just amazed me that he would spend money to someone he barely knows. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2019, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/32 "2019-09-14T17:08:28Z")
Wait a minute. This guy’s a (so-called) ex-druggie, had a stroke, is on probation, and he is buying drugs? And you feel obligated to help him out? WHY? Run fast and run far. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2019, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742/33 "2019-09-17T15:04:56Z")
Yesterday, thankfully, he told me to take all my stuff out of his house(I had it there because I was still worried about my former bedbug problem). He wouldn’t let me make a few trips, he insisted I put it all on his porch. I had to call my friend/neighbor to help me drive it to my apt (across the parking lot, I feel bad I live close to him now). The abuse is over, yay. Now of course, I get a voicemail saying to stay out of his house, cause my lamp is there, but he says its his. I do not go near his house, I come in my apt from the front. The woman he bought drugs for will probably keep hanging around to see what she can get from him. She was interested in a friend of mine who is an alcoholic and visited him in jail, so I know she has the right mindset to be involved with someone like him. Me, I feel free, and good. You folks have helped me out. Another good deed done by the Dope [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/helping-a-friend-for-money/839742.md?page=1)