# Henchpersons Wanted. Inquire Within. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 4, 2006, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254 "2006-04-04T14:38:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/161 "2006-04-07T19:23:37Z")
Dear Mister Smith, I am unable to accept your proposal for employment at this time, as it appears one of your current employees has killed me. I hope that, although my employment had not yet commenced, that my death serves as an example to others. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/162 "2006-04-07T20:03:37Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Dear Mister Smith, > > I am unable to accept your proposal for employment at this time, as it appears one of your current employees has killed me. I hope that, although my employment had not yet commenced, that my death serves as an example to others. > > Thank you. Heh. Those crazy kids. Just a bit _overzealous_ I’d say. Sorry, mate. ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/163 "2006-04-07T20:45:31Z")
You do realise you have some [competition?](http://www.plobs.com/project_plob.htm) ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/164 "2006-04-07T20:48:48Z")
> [@rayh](#): > > You do realise you have some [competition?](http://www.plobs.com/project_plob.htm) Don’t worry, we take them over soon enough. Give us a little more time. ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/165 "2006-04-07T21:00:37Z")
I have managed to unearth **Winston Smith’s** earlier attempt at world domination. [This](http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=16703) is true evil. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/166 "2006-04-07T21:04:03Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > Don’t worry, we take them over soon enough. Give us a little more time. Think we should send the **Axe**? The **Clam**? \*\*Scumpup[/]? Tough call here, **Jim**. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/167 "2006-04-07T21:04:29Z")
It appears that Mr Smith has ignored my application for henchperson employment. Excellent. :: makes note in Little Black Book of Revenge :: The fuses are lit. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/168 "2006-04-07T21:07:25Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > It appears that Mr Smith has ignored my application for henchperson employment. > > Excellent. > > :: makes note in Little Black Book of Revenge :: > > The fuses are lit. Hey! That’s **my** line or dam’ close to it! ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/169 "2006-04-07T21:08:54Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > Think we should send the **Axe**? The **Clam**? \*\*Scumpup[/]? Tough call here, **Jim**. Stupid evil Blackberry with it’s impossible keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/170 "2006-04-07T21:15:10Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > It appears that Mr Smith has ignored my application for henchperson employment. > > Excellent. > > :: makes note in Little Black Book of Revenge :: > > The fuses are lit. Evidently my hr staff knocked early today. I’ll have them liquidated. Care to cut your teeth on that task, **Sunspace**? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/171 "2006-04-07T21:35:25Z")
> [@Daithi Lacha](#): > > Hey! That’s **my** line or dam’ close to it! As a documentation specialist, I plagiarise whenever possible. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/172 "2006-04-07T21:37:45Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > Evidently my hr staff knocked early today. I’ll have them liquidated. Care to cut your teeth on that task, **Sunspace**? Their credit ratings are history. Now I release the hounds. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/173 "2006-04-08T00:35:52Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > **Scumpup** , one question. What the heck am I going to do with Rhode Island when I win the contest? I’d like an answer to that as well. Despite the failure of the nanites, **Baker** has quite an advantage over the other minions. I’d happily dress up as a maid for another batch of those cookies. There isn’t a superlative that can properly describe them. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/174 "2006-04-08T02:52:13Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > That’s no small task you’re volunteering for, **Gabriela**. > > **Anastasaeon** , you’ll do fine, but you’ll need _bigger boots_, if you catch my drift. > > **garygnu** : the list, eh? I didn’t think we’d have to resort to outsourcing operations to freelancers, but I suppose provided you “take care” of the “author” we’ll be “fine”. No GO DO IT! Winston Smith… spoke… to… me!!! No problem, sir! All I need is a bathtub (or steel table with drainage), an endless supply of scalpel blades, and an INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH garbage disposal! (hums happily in a henchperson way as she sets about being content for the rest of her life) ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/175 "2006-04-08T07:05:48Z")
> [@butler1850](#): > > Now that’d be a sign of TRUE evil! 😃 Yeah , some of the stuff that we see when the govt (generic usage) takes down some smuck from jersey with pretensions of grandeur, is just horrible. I mean really , right out of the wallmart employee handbook , for treatment of the lower ranking evil troopers. While the actual capo’s might have the life on the beach slurping drinks with umbrellas in them , the actuall henchman has the life expectancy of days, and why not , they are expendable. No health care bennifits , no 401 k plan , no Cobra , if he wishes to try his hand with another organization , or survives his past evil masters last big plan. I mean seriously, the whole thing is a pyramid scheme made out of cotton candy , while the redshirts take the bullet ,and end up doing some serious time in Folsom or Joliet, then broken and poor shilling their talents to some two bit pimp with a serious case of bling. Now if they had a shop steward , things might turn out different for the malcontents. Ah well, that pager is going off Toodles Declan ---
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/176 "2006-04-08T13:01:45Z")
Winny, I know how TERRIBLY BUSY you are with your plans for world domination, and I don’t want to be a BOTHER or a BURDEN, because I know how IMPORTANT you are, but is it TOO much to ask for a short visit, or even a simple PHONE CALL? Mom ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/177 "2006-04-08T13:08:51Z")
> [@indecisive1](#): > > Winny, > > I know how TERRIBLY BUSY you are with your plans for world domination, and I don’t want to be a BOTHER or a BURDEN, because I know how IMPORTANT you are, but is it TOO much to ask for a short visit, or even a simple PHONE CALL? > > Mom Aww, _Mom_. :rolleyes: Ahem. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/178 "2006-04-08T13:24:20Z")
> [@indecisive1](#): > > Winny, > > I know how TERRIBLY BUSY you are with your plans for world domination, and I don’t want to be a BOTHER or a BURDEN, because I know how IMPORTANT you are, but is it TOO much to ask for a short visit, or even a simple PHONE CALL? > > Mom Aww, _Mom_. :rolleyes: Ahem. ---
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/179 "2006-04-08T13:34:01Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > Aww, _Mom_. :rolleyes: > Ahem. So, you still have the trouble with stuttering? Really, Winny, when will you EVER… oh, never mind. Mom ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2006, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254/180 "2006-04-08T14:17:06Z")
> [@indecisive1](#): > > So, you still have the trouble with stuttering? Really, Winny, when will you EVER… oh, never mind. > > Mom **Mom** , a “couple” of my “friends” might “stop by” to “say hello”. Will you be home? Just wondering. I’ll “call” you “later”. BWA-HA-ha. Ahem. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henchpersons-wanted-inquire-within/351254.md?page=10)