# Henry Cavill is scared of being called a rapist **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 15, 2018, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929 "2018-07-15T02:50:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/61 "2018-07-24T14:34:40Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Now, in that situation, she was talking about dating/pursuing someone, not referring to sex itself, but the point stands _No, it doesn’t._ There’s all the difference in the world between giving it another try after she’s turned you down for a date a few times, and continuing to press on in a physically somewhat intimate interaction (passionate kissing or more) when your partner’s passion is MIA. > [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > It got to the point where I started just dodging the pattern altogether by asking a lot of questions, and explaining to people that this was the reason I was asking those questions - because if I don’t ask, I might have trouble figuring it out on my own - and also going out of my way to make the subtext in our communication text, because, again, if I don’t ask, I might not figure it out. Questions like “when you say, ‘Sorry, I can’t do that day’, are you saying ‘I’m not interested’ or are you just busy?” - because seriously, _I need to ask that question_. You know what? When I was dating, I had the same difficulties. There’s no Magic 8-Ball for telling the difference between a “Sorry, I’m busy that day” that means they’re really busy but would like to see you another time, and the “Sorry, I’m busy that day” that’s a polite ‘fuck off’. But (a) that’s not what I’m talking about (see my response to **Velocity** ), and (b) if you guess wrong in your scenario, the consequences are pretty minimal. Having never been autistic, I don’t know if autistic people are clueless about when their partner in a somewhat physically intimate encounter is sharing their passion in the heat of the moment. Autistic people have to learn a lot of basic stuff about personal interactions that’s second nature to most people. But I’d think that because of that, you’d just take it for granted that anyone writing generally about personal interactions probably isn’t writing something that applies to you, but rather has a target audience of the 99% of the population that _isn’t_ autistic. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/62 "2018-07-24T14:36:58Z")
> [@Warm\_blood](#): > > ahahahahahahahahaha good one. Thanks. I went back and forth about the construction, and I’ve got joker’s remorse. I should’ve said “Henry is caviling.” ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/63 "2018-07-24T14:52:27Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Thanks. I went back and forth about the construction, and I’ve got joker’s remorse. I should’ve said “Henry is caviling.” Cavill cringes from being cavalier due to concerns critics will consider him a cad. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2018, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/64 "2018-07-24T16:39:17Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > _No, it doesn’t._ > > There’s all the difference in the world between giving it another try after she’s turned you down for a date a few times, and continuing to press on in a physically somewhat intimate interaction (passionate kissing or more) when your partner’s passion is MIA. > > You know what? When I was dating, I had the same difficulties. There’s no Magic 8-Ball for telling the difference between a “Sorry, I’m busy that day” that means they’re really busy but would like to see you another time, and the “Sorry, I’m busy that day” that’s a polite ‘fuck off’. > > But (a) that’s not what I’m talking about (see my response to **Velocity** ), and (b) if you guess wrong in your scenario, the consequences are pretty minimal. > > Having never been autistic, I don’t know if autistic people are clueless about when their partner in a somewhat physically intimate encounter is sharing their passion in the heat of the moment. Autistic people have to learn a lot of basic stuff about personal interactions that’s second nature to most people. But I’d think that because of that, you’d just take it for granted that anyone writing generally about personal interactions probably isn’t writing something that applies to you, but rather has a target audience of the 99% of the population that _isn’t_ autistic. Huh, it really is \<2%? For some reason I thought it’d be a lot higher than that. Maybe it’s just the circles I run in that make it seem higher. My bad, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2018, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/65 "2018-07-25T13:09:21Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > Huh, it really is \<2%? For some reason I thought it’d be a lot higher than that. Maybe it’s just the circles I run in that make it seem higher. My bad, carry on. [According to the CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html), the incidence of autism spectrum disorder is 1 in 59 persons in the U.S., so closer to 2% than the 1% I implied, but still under 2%. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2018, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/66 "2018-07-26T11:49:39Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > [According to the CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html), the incidence of autism spectrum disorder is 1 in 59 persons in the U.S., so closer to 2% than the 1% I implied, but still under 2%. Yeah, that was the figure I was referencing. Just was surprised it was that low! ---
**Author:** ![JB99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/439d5e/32.png) [@JB99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JB99)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2018, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/67 "2018-07-26T14:40:46Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > I’ve been hearing that since the “women’s lib” era, 50 years ago. That’s really all a guy has to do - “If her passion doesn’t match yours then back off and figure out why.” It’s not hard to do, and if you do that, things shouldn’t be confusing at all. I’m glad that you are an expert at communication and body language, but some of us - who aren’t even autistic - do find it extremely ambiguous and confusing. I’ve even had a girlfriend tell me she didn’t like something but also didn’t want to tell me to stop, and I found that VERY confusing. If the girl refuses to communicate, how can I identify and correct the problem? Can we at least agree that women have a responsibility to make their wishes known in an unambiguous manner? ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2018, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/68 "2018-07-26T15:11:44Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The #metoo firings are all quite public, so can you name any that you think are not moral? I cannot think of any. (Yes, this includes Hardwick, who has not been fired, but suspended during the investigation. Until that is done, we can’t know if firing is correct or not) According to [Bloomberg Business](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-06-25/-metoo-snares-more-than-400-high-profile-people-as-firings-rise) > [@](#): > > At least 417 high-profile executives and employees across fields and industries have been outed by the #MeToo Movement in 18 months > > … > > The study looked at national news articles that singled out people for sexual harassment or other misdeeds including racial insensitivity or more-general misconduct brought to light by the movement, said Davia Temin, whose firm Temin & Co. did the research. Individuals with at least seven separate, national mentions were included. That includes celebrities like Bill Cosby and Louis CK, but the vast majority are corporate executives and business leaders like Intel CEO Brian Krzanich, who resigned late last week after revelations of an affair with an employee. > > Among 417 people accused, 193 were fired or left their jobs. Another 122 have been put on leave, suspended or are facing investigations since December 2016. For about 69 people, there were no repercussions. > > … > > Only eight of the people, like Krzanich, were said to be involved in consensual relationships. Out of the 417 people accused, all but seven are men. Much of the behavior is related to incidents that may have happened a long time ago but surfaced now as tolerance has dropped and it’s become more newsworthy. Three things stand out to me about this.[ol][li]That’s a lot of people![_]Only 8 were alleged to be consensual?![_]“may have happened a long time ago”?[/ol]Let’s stick to the consensual ones for now. It’s a shorter list. The details about Intel CEO Brian Krzanich are very thin. In fact about half the articles I’m finding are questioning the decisions, with [at least one industry-focused op-ed piece](https://semiaccurate.com/2018/06/29/intels-firing-of-ceo-brian-krzanich-is-a-cover-for-deeper-problems/) flat out calling it a cover for deeper problems in Intel. [/li] Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2018, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/69 "2018-07-26T15:18:50Z")
Does that mean Krzanich was railroaded or did he do something wrong? I don’t know. I really don’t care all that much. But the shotgun approach that some companies seem to be taking, combined with HR policies designed to defend against the merest hint of litigation are almost certainly causing some unjust results. Overall I’ll tolerate these because the previous system was worse, much much worse, but like the actor whose remarks inspired this thread, I find myself cavailing a bit. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2018, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/70 "2018-07-29T05:51:21Z")
If both sides agree it was consensual and not coerced, then I don’t see how you can connect it with #metoo. Nonfraternization policies have existed for a long time before #metoo started. #metoo is about how men have been getting away with a lack of consent for a long time. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2018, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929/71 "2018-07-30T16:23:59Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > If both sides agree it was consensual and not coerced, then I don’t see how you can connect it with #metoo. Nonfraternization policies have existed for a long time before #metoo started. #metoo is about how men have been getting away with a lack of consent for a long time. Thanks for adjudicating this **BigT**. Please pass on your notes to the Washington Post, the New York Times, and other publications because they’re still writing stories about Krzanich’s resignation with the #metoo hashtag. Sarcasm aside, this indicates exactly the issue that Cavill and other thoughtful and respectful, yet powerful and high-profile, men are having. Rightly or wrongly, even a consensual relationship can blow up in your face. That having been said, the fact remains only 8/417 =~ 2% of the alleged cases of high profile misconduct were said to be consensual versus 98% which were not. And of those 2% there’s a decent chance(\>50%) they weren’t fired. Krzanich seems to be the outlier of the outliers, which lends credence to the idea that it was internal politics rather than justice for sexual misconduct which forced him out. So on balance, #metoo is still much more of a force that helps the arc of the universe bend towards justice than towards injustice. Cavill and others like him will simply have to live with a bit more uncertainty in their lives than they once did. To which, I again say, the answer is to use your words and get better at reading your partner’s signals. It’s what you should have been doing in the first place. Enjoy, Steven [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/henry-cavill-is-scared-of-being-called-a-rapist/817929.md?page=3)