# Her boyfriend went to a strip club--is she within her rights to be upset? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 28, 2002, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-boyfriend-went-to-a-strip-club-is-she-within-her-rights-to-be-upset/121196 "2002-07-28T02:57:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-boyfriend-went-to-a-strip-club-is-she-within-her-rights-to-be-upset/121196/61 "2002-07-29T22:02:55Z")
I think it’s hard for your average 18 year old girl to accept that since “he’s just looking,” there’s no problem. Thinking back to myself at 18, I probably would have thought something along the lines of “So T&A is what’s important to him? I wonder if in his eyes _I’m_ just tits and ass.” That wouldn’t necessarily be my reaction now, but I think it’s difficult to expect a teenaged girl to accept rationally that her boyfriend can ogle lots of nekkid ladies and still love and respect her. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-boyfriend-went-to-a-strip-club-is-she-within-her-rights-to-be-upset/121196/62 "2002-07-29T23:36:28Z")
I dunno how many of you have read the infamous [True Porn Clerk Stories](http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4475), but the lady that writes that journal said something that’s extremely germain to the discussion above, even though it’s about porn. > [@](#): > > What the porn section has taught me that I think many women don’t understand is that porn is a physical thing for guys, not an emotional one. It seems to be a quick, physical release. It’s a way of feeling good and making sure the plumbing is still in good working order and that’s about it. With the exception of the addicts, I don’t think it has any more significance than grabbing a burger when you’re hungry or standing up and stretching when you’ve been trapped in a car all day. > > Many women are jealous of or threatened by porn, and we shouldn’t be. The key is the difference between your dog, which is a Sheltie-terrier mix that hides under the bed during thunderstorms, has a passion for cat food and prefers tug-of-war to fetch, and the general dogness of the “dog” in the dictionary. > > I think a woman in a porn movie, as a rule, is taken as a general woman rather than a specific woman. She is there to stand in for general womanness. (And, based the number of rewind fees I dish out, once the viewer comes she ceases to exist.) > > I think guys rent porn as a way to have the pleasure of sex without the added complexity of having to tend to someone else’s needs. Which doesn’t mean that he’s a bad guy or won’t do plenty of tending later, it’s just that right now he just wants to wolf down a burger. > > In a way, a guy who is renting a porn video is courteously having his selfish sex on his own time so he won’t bother you with it. And “selfish” isn’t a bad thing here. It’s also selfish to take a hot bath and read a book by yourself, but it’s important to do that every now and then. > > And besides, if you had a choice between your guy renting a video and renting a person, which would you choose? Strip clubs are much the same. Excluding clubs which are a front for hooking, not much goes on there that is actually sexual in nature. The attraction is the fantasy, the naked woman blatently “showing it all” and thus existing in a purely sexual way, as women do not exist in day to day life. I personally don’t particularly enjoy strip clubs-why gape at untouchable women when I have a beautiful, touchable one at home- but I think going to a strip club is pretty innoculous over all. ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-boyfriend-went-to-a-strip-club-is-she-within-her-rights-to-be-upset/121196/63 "2002-07-29T23:40:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by burundi \* > \*\*I think it’s hard for your average 18 year old girl to accept that since “he’s just looking,” there’s no problem. Thinking back to myself at 18, I probably would have thought something along the lines of “So T&A is what’s important to him? I wonder if in his eyes _I’m_ just tits and ass.” That wouldn’t necessarily be my reaction now, but I think it’s difficult to expect a teenaged girl to accept rationally that her boyfriend can ogle lots of nekkid ladies and still love and respect her. \*\* And wouldn’t, say, 18 be a good time to learn that? Count me in the not-sympathetic camp. No, I’m not female, nor have I ever played one in any medium. But I do think it’s reasonable to expect an 18-year-old to get over certain childish romanticism - like a literal belief in the phrase, “I only have eyes for you.” I’m sure she’s afraid of being hurt. She will be, of course, and that’s part of the process. But she really need to learn not to seek hurt out; by holding unreasonable expectations, that’s precisely what she’s doing. Not that I’m giving the guy carte blanche, mind you. Most guys have a teeny-tiny suspicion that going off to see strippers is not something most wives or girlfriends will like, so they should minimize it. But this boy seems to understand that. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-boyfriend-went-to-a-strip-club-is-she-within-her-rights-to-be-upset/121196/64 "2002-07-30T11:37:19Z")
'Nother vote for no-sympathy. Obviously, the girl sees this as a threat and perhaps a self-esteem issue. It certainly IS a rite of passage in certain subcultures, just as the presence of strippers is a familiar rite in many bachelor parties. Big friggin deal. I am speaking as a male, but personally, I don’t care if my SO looks at other men. Or talks to all her ex-boyfriends. Or goes to male strip clubs. Why should I care? I don’t feel threatened by them. And heck, if she wants to stray, let her stray and I’ll be done with it. There’s plenty of other women in the world, and I’m fully confident I can find another one. This is my attitude with relationships. At the same time, no SO should be telling me who I can and cannot talk to, where I can and cannot go, as long as its within the confines of the understood “No physical relations with anyone else” rule. Fidelity and honesty are the only two rules I have in a relationship. Why this is such a bone of contention with both men and women, I do not understand. The happiest, healthiest relationships I’ve seen require freedom and the trust that your partner will make the right decisions. Restricting the freedoms of another person in relationships is unhealthy and morally repugnant, IMHO. Yes, moreso than going to a strip club. Most guys look at other women. Period. I believe most women also check out other guys (and other women.) I don’t see any reason to perceive this as a threat unless there are other problems in the relationship which would indicate he’s actively “shopping.” ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-boyfriend-went-to-a-strip-club-is-she-within-her-rights-to-be-upset/121196/65 "2002-07-30T18:29:16Z")
**DDG** , I just wanted to say I think you have the good smart take on the situation. I was expecting you to side with your daughter, I’m glad you’re not, shes wrong. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-boyfriend-went-to-a-strip-club-is-she-within-her-rights-to-be-upset/121196.md?page=3)