# Her exboyfriend is a total jerk loser and it bugs me. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 5, 2009, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516 "2009-02-05T02:36:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/61 "2009-02-05T20:28:27Z")
_runs screaming_ ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/62 "2009-02-05T20:33:00Z")
Well, if the balls in question were more on the order of pingpong balls than fitness balls… ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/63 "2009-02-05T20:34:10Z")
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? (ack! gag!) ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/64 "2009-02-05T20:37:26Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? > > (ack! gag!) Prince Charming had but one? Let’s hope, then, that it was a good, big one and squarely in the middle. ---
**Author:** ![cat09tails](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5fc32e/32.png) [@cat09tails](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cat09tails)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/65 "2009-02-05T20:42:00Z")
When I now see my ex-husband I think, “How in the HELL could I ever have been attracted to him???” Chances are your new love interest feels the same sort of embarrassment. She probably feels crummier about it than you do. When you’re in a bad space you make bad choices. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/66 "2009-02-05T20:44:06Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > Safe for work? I would almost guarantee no if your work filters for profanity. Here ya go with a C&P: [Urban Dictionary: dogs in the tub](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dogs%20in%20the%20tub) ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/67 "2009-02-05T20:45:27Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Prince Charming had but one? Let’s hope, then, that it was a good, big one and squarely in the middle. Nutclops. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/68 "2009-02-05T20:45:53Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Prince Charming had but one? Let’s hope, then, that it was a good, big one and squarely in the middle. That’s his story and he’s stickin’ to it. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/69 "2009-02-05T20:54:50Z")
Unfortunately, after I spent my time with Prince Charming and his one-nutted-ness all my boyfriends after have been unable to look past the deeds I did with him because it makes them sick to their stomachs… ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/70 "2009-02-05T20:56:46Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > Nutclops. This may go down in history with Buck eyes.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/71 "2009-02-05T20:57:03Z")
> [@ShelliBean](#): > > Unfortunately, after I spent my time with Prince Charming and his one-nutted-ness all my boyfriends after have been unable to look past the deeds I did with him because it makes them sick to their stomachs… That’s because Prince Charming is a known leather fetishist and a confirmed Cleveland Steamer aficionado. Two Girls, One Glass Slipper. ---
**Author:** ![TheVioletCreep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eb8c5e/32.png) [@TheVioletCreep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheVioletCreep)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/72 "2009-02-06T01:27:00Z")
HEY! Let’s all hug and get some frosty chocolate milkshakes! :] ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/73 "2009-02-06T01:50:50Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > But aren’t _most_ relationships doomed? A dating relationship may die but that shouldn’t stop the pursuit. I’ve always parted on good terms with a girlfriend. That’s a function of dating someone who is emotionally stable. > [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > All this makes up a dominant paradigm. . It doesn’t have to be that way. I’ve dated women with poor self esteam and very early in the process this conversation came up. I had to frame it in words that weren’t hurtful and I think it put the relationship on the right track. Guys are not knights who ride in to save damsels in distress. Any relationship with such an underpinning will not work in the long term. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/74 "2009-02-06T01:52:25Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > This may go down in history with Buck eyes.😃 Vigorously seconded. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/75 "2009-02-06T04:36:42Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > A dating relationship may die but that shouldn’t stop the pursuit. I’ve always parted on good terms with a girlfriend. That’s a function of dating someone who is emotionally stable. I tend not to attract emotionally stable women, so I guess I’ll have to tak your word for it. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/76 "2009-02-06T05:38:58Z")
I’m just curious to know how we’re defining “good terms”. If it means no screaming or crying or throwing things, no stalking or drunk dials or restraining orders, well… yeah, that’s emotionally stable. If it means “I’m sorry this didn’t work out, I wish you the best”, that’s admirably (and IMO, extremely rarely) emotionally mature. If it means “This has been fun, but I’m over it. Maybe I’ll run into you, if not, have a good life.”, that’s more a function of dating the emotionally unavailable. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/77 "2009-02-06T08:53:24Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I’m just curious to know how we’re defining “good terms”. If it means no screaming or crying or throwing things, no stalking or drunk dials or restraining orders, well… yeah, that’s emotionally stable. > > If it means “I’m sorry this didn’t work out, I wish you the best”, that’s admirably (and IMO, extremely rarely) emotionally mature. > > If it means “This has been fun, but I’m over it. Maybe I’ll run into you, if not, have a good life.”, that’s more a function of dating the emotionally unavailable. B, I’m sorry this didn’t work out. I don’t think it’s extremely rare, at least not in the circle of friends I have. I’m the product of WW II parents so maybe I’m from a different era. As a general rule, the nutjobs are weeded out on the first date. Maybe the social graces we were taught are missing today and dating is harder. I dunno. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/78 "2009-02-06T09:57:54Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Maybe the social graces we were taught are missing today and dating is harder. I dunno. Dating today is trial by ordeal. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/79 "2009-02-06T10:17:57Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > snip > > With that said, I’ve seen some of the sweetest, smartest most beautiful women from the best of families’ date the most screwed up men imaginable. . and they still are thank og!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516/80 "2009-02-06T11:52:03Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > B, I’m sorry this didn’t work out. > > I don’t think it’s extremely rare, at least not in the circle of friends I have. I’m the product of WW II parents so maybe I’m from a different era. As a general rule, the nutjobs are weeded out on the first date. Maybe the social graces we were taught are missing today and dating is harder. I dunno. Maybe, but now that I’m thinking about it, when I was writing that, I was thinking of the end of long-term relationships, which of course tend to be a lot more complicated. I’ve seen a lot of otherwise perfectly normal and well-adjusted people lose their shit at the end of a long relationship. I completely agree that Option B is (and should be!) the norm for short relationships, or casual dating. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/her-exboyfriend-is-a-total-jerk-loser-and-it-bugs-me/484516.md?page=5)