# Hera, Aphrodite, Athena **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 29, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088 "2013-11-29T17:58:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/41 "2013-12-01T01:12:05Z")
I was going to say Aphrodite, but you said specifically that Hera was the most physically beautiful, and that’s what beauty contests are about. I’m screwed no matter who I pick, so I might as well do my job correctly. Though, honestly, as much as Zeus sleeps around, I have a hard time believing that Hera would be the most beautiful. She just isn’t typically described as beautiful, either. Aphrodite is described as traditionally beautiful, and Athena has her athletic charms, but Hera is usually described like an older lady who has to doll up to look good. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/42 "2013-12-01T01:48:09Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I object to the suggestion that (a) Athena even participated in the Judgment of Paris; that was clearly Artemis (whom I would vote for if the contest were Hera/Aphrodite/Huntress). Athena did, however, arrange for the entire thing; it was part of her grand plan, which in the short term required destroying Troy and everyone in it. From what I’d heard, Artemis didn’t give a damn what any **man** thought of her looks. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Hera. Power + not having a goddess whose entire fucking portfolio might as well be revenge against those she believes to have wronged her pissed at me. Unless Zeus thinks you’ve got the hots for his wife, in which case you are f\*\*\*\*d beyond all description. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/43 "2013-12-01T02:03:36Z")
> [@NDP](#): > > Perhaps, but keep in mind we are talking _goddesses_ here. Athena might look relatively plain when compared with Hera and Aphrodite but, from the perspective of a mortal male, she’d still be more attractive than 99.9% of the women between the ages of 18 and 49. And the other 0.1% are soon going to have snakes growing out of their heads. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/44 "2013-12-01T02:10:23Z")
FWIW, Hera’s supposed to be the one with the biggest boobs. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/45 "2013-12-01T02:26:21Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > but Hera is usually described like an older lady who has to doll up to look good. Regardless of the actual dictionary definition, is there a woman alive who’d take it as a compliment to be called “Junoesque?” ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/46 "2013-12-01T04:07:12Z")
I have a feeling that if you can’t be clever on your own, like Odysseus, Athena would soon grow tired of you. But you have to tread a very thin line of not being too clever for your own good, as Odysseus did on several notable occasions. All three are akin to alpha females you do not want to cross. Athena strikes me as something like Meryl Streep’s character in The Devil Wears Prada, and Aphrodite as Christina Hendricks in Mad Men. Hera? Maybe Polly Walker in Rome. In their respective universes, get on the bad side of any of them and God help you. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/47 "2013-12-01T04:54:38Z")
> [@Mr.Kobayashi](#): > > Aphrodite isn’t as objectively beautiful as Hera Ha! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/48 "2013-12-01T05:00:01Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > And the other 0.1% are soon going to have snakes growing out of their heads. Which for some guys is a major turn-on. It gets them hard. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/49 "2013-12-01T05:11:27Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > The version I’ve always heard is about claiming to be a better weaver than anybody else, human or not; for some reason, this angered the goddess of crafts (hey, she was wise, but nobody says she suffered fools). For once, no gods’ dicks were involved. The version I learned was that Arachne claimed to be a better weaver than Athena, they had a contest and Arachne did better but chose as her theme the Fuckups of the Gods which pissed Athena off enough that she turned her into a spider. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/50 "2013-12-01T06:40:54Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > The version I learned was that Arachne claimed to be a better weaver than Athena, they had a contest and Arachne did better but chose as her theme the Fuckups of the Gods which pissed Athena off enough that she turned her into a spider. On a side note, was Arachne supposed to be the very first spider (thereby making the myth a just-so story) or did spiders exist before her run-in with Athena? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/51 "2013-12-01T06:49:41Z")
My memory is that it was to explain why spiders spin (weave) webs, but not to explain why spiders themselves exist. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/52 "2013-12-01T08:29:40Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > My memory is that it was to explain why spiders spin (weave) webs, but not to explain why spiders themselves exist. So does that mean in Classical mythology there were spiders before Arachne but they didn’t know how to spin webs? ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/53 "2013-12-01T09:46:28Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Though, honestly, as much as Zeus sleeps around, I have a hard time believing that Hera would be the most beautiful. Well, you know what they say : no matter how achingly beautiful the woman, someone somewhere is tired of her shit. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/54 "2013-12-01T09:48:25Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > Well, you know what they say : no matter how achingly beautiful the woman, someone somewhere is tired of her shit. And Hera does have a lot of shit. Pretty much everything I remember from Greek Mythology class had her being pretty evil. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/55 "2013-12-01T12:55:09Z")
ISTM that a lot of posters are implicitly answering some variation on the question, “which one of these goddesses would you like to hang around with indefinitely?” For me, Athena would win that contest easily. But that’s not the question. It’s, which of their gifts do you want? And I figure I’m already pretty damned smart, which hardly makes me exceptional around here. So Athena’s gift has less of a potential upside to me or most other Dopers than it might to a kid like Paris. Pushing 60, my sex drive isn’t what it was 20 years ago, so Aphrodite’s gift loses a great deal of its appeal right there. But Hera’s…hey, I can see a lot that’s wrong with the world, and while many problems are intractable, some of them would be downright easy to solve by fiat, if only I had the fiat. Hera’s offering me that. Done. ---
**Author:** ![Animastryfe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Animastryfe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Animastryfe)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/56 "2013-12-01T15:43:50Z")
Athena -\> develop molecular nanotechnology -\> functional omnipotence (within the boundaries of physical laws) and immortality. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/57 "2013-12-01T16:36:08Z")
I’m pretty sure you’re screwed no matter who you pick; the question is, in what way? Paris chose the bribe of the most beautiful woman in the world- who happened to be married to a jealous and powerful king, hence the Trojan war. If another goddess had won, I wonder what _other_ disasters would have happened instead? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/58 "2013-12-01T17:16:42Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I’m pretty sure you’re screwed no matter who you pick; the question is, in what way? Exactly. The Olympians were not the Tooth Fairy; they were all tricksters to one degree or another. About the worst thing that could happen was to attract their attention. The central theme of Greek and Roman mythology is hubris - your downfall \*will \*come, blessings of the gods or no. Ask Achilles, Odysseus, Heracles, Io, Daphne, Leda… Paris was fucked any way he chose. He just chose to be fucked while getting fucked. Being as I’m happily married and war sickens me, I’m going to go with Hera. I’ll be fucked, but I’ll be well fed and waited on while I’m getting fucked, and might make a few good changes to the world before my inevitable downfall. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/59 "2013-12-02T18:41:31Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Yeah, but then you could spend the rest of eternity smiting people who brag about how good they are at Halo. > > l to r: [Athena, Aphrodite, Artemis](http://static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100904140061/hercxena/images/5/50/Apple_10.jpg) I remember that episode. I thought it odd that the actress paying Athena was MUCH hotter than the actress playing Aphrodite. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088/60 "2013-12-02T19:32:22Z")
Being overlooked here is the fact that the goddesses all tried to bribe Paris: Hera offered to make him king of Europe and Asia, Athena offered wisdom and skill in war, and Aphrodite offered the world’s most beautiful woman, Helen of Sparta, wife of the Greek king Menelaus. Aphrodite also used the Charites and the Horai to enhance her charms with flowers and song. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hera-aphrodite-athena/675088.md?page=4)