# Here are some public transit rules, douchebags. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029 "2012-05-25T01:10:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/21 "2012-05-25T12:42:55Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Also, don’t bring chickens on the bus. It’s disconcerting. That happened to me once in Korea. Constant bawk bawk bawking. Finally someone shut the damn thing up. (this one’s for Curlcoat). ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/22 "2012-05-25T13:00:57Z")
I hope I don’t qualify as an old person, yet, but I will sit next to a slim person if I can, in order to avoid being sat upon by an angry fat person. I have nothing against overweight people, but there’s a certain subset on transit who are a) staggeringly wide-bottomed and b) pretty angry they can’t fit into the seat, and these people will do one of two things when they sit down. Either they _intentionally shove me aside_ (I’m not exaggerating; I’ve watched them draw back and throw their weight into me) so they can take up 1.5 seats, or they _just freaking sit on my thigh_. Ha ha, they showed ME! If there are lots of empty seats, I agree, it’s weird to have someone sit right next to you. But sometimes as things start to fill up, I’d rather choose my seatmate than be left with the lottery. Allow me to present a corollary to Rule 3): When people have JUST finished getting OFF the train, and the people waiting on the platform are just starting to get ON, **it’s not the time to migrate across the doorway for some idiotic reason.** Yes, _I know_ you couldn’t do it earlier, because there were people standing there. yes, _I know_ you won’t be able to do it later, because there will be people standing there. Still, it’s damned stupid and self-centered of you to walk across the doorway, at right angles to the people entering, just as they are trying to enter. They can’t understand why you’re not getting off, and people are going to miss their train while you stroll about, wondering if the light’s better over here, or whatever the hell it is you’re thinking. Seriously. It’s like running a red light – don’t cross fast-moving traffic. ---
**Author:** ![Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiendish_astronaut/32/3295_2.png) [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiendish_Astronaut)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/23 "2012-05-25T13:09:02Z")
When it’s \>30C on the train and the main ventilation is via a pulled down window in the door at the front of the carriage, don’t - especially if you’re a well built 6’ tall man - lean against the opening. It may cool your sweaty back, but it doesn’t help the 200 other people in the car much as you block the air flow. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/24 "2012-05-25T13:25:50Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > Add Rule 4: > > -Stick to the right when walking up stairs, down stairs, on escalators, walking ANYWHERE in a mass transit area. ESPECIALLY if you’re just going to let the escalator carry you up; do NOT block the people behind you from moving past just so you can chat with your friend next to you. This is a separate thread entirely. I’ve been meaning to start a poll asking what is wrong with people who stand still on the escalator, particularly to the left, which is meant for passing. The options would be a) they were unaware that they were supposed to stand to the right, walk to the left, or b) they’re assholes. > [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > I’m not saying this makes it right to do, but I’m wondering if you have a look that says “safe” that makes old folks feel like sitting next to you would be better than taking a seat where someone unsafe might end up sitting next to them? This has been the theory, and I’d like to go with it because it’s somewhat flattering, but I’m constantly told to smile due to the perma-scowl I’ve adopted. I can’t imagine I look too friendly. Or maybe they like people who look mean? Or maybe I don’t look as mean as I thought? It’s baffling. > [@dnooman](#): > > To be fair, a person unfamiliar with the nuances of mass transit decorum need not be a “dumbass”. The customs, signage, and general operations are well known to the people that frequent these places, but outsiders may need a second to get the hang of things. A color coded map is great, but it won’t tell you anything about where and when to stand. > > I do agree with the OP though. No, that’s fair. I was just being unnecessarily antagonistic toward people who don’t know where they’re going. > [@chizzuk](#): > > With regards to 1), I get motion-sick riding backwards on the Metro. So if there’s an empty row facing backwards and an empty seat sitting next to you facing forwards, sorry, I’m sitting next to you. If all the forward-facing seats are taken, I’d sooner stand than sit backwards. Strange. Those sideways seats screw me up. I’ll sometimes sit in them, but blech. > [@panache45](#): > > When your train arrives, and the doors open . . . stand aside and wait for people to get off, before you start shoving your way in. Believe or not, there will actually be more room for you. > > Before you leave home . . . take a fucking shower and brush your teeth. No matter how many times the conductor shouts over the announcer “Let the passengers out, dumb asses,” people will always shove their way through the minute the door opens. Why, baby Jesus, why? > [@Yumblie](#): > > Your bag does not count as a passenger. If there are people standing in the aisle, then your bag must give up its seat. I purposely sit next to people who do this. > [@mister\_nyx](#): > > Old people? Man, that’s sort of awesome, in a vague way. I wish I had a protective layer of old lady to save me from the people who randomly decide they should sit next to me on the bus. I do prefer the old people to the random creepy dudes who smell bad, but I feel some combination of 😕 and 🙂 (it’s such a consistent phenomenon that it’s become amusing) when they _bypass whole rows of empty seats_ then plop down next to me. > [@Blackberry](#): > > Also, don’t bring chickens on the bus. It’s disconcerting. Wait – _don’t_? > [@Sailboat](#): > > I hope I don’t qualify as an old person, yet, but I will sit next to a slim person if I can, in order to avoid being sat upon by an angry fat person. Ha ha ha! I know what you mean. The best is when they make no attempt to contain themselves to the seat they have. I’ve asked people to move over, and they make with some half-hearted shuffle, and are still taking up half my seat. ---
**Author:** ![Das\_Glasperlenspiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/das_glasperlenspiel/32/2944_2.png) [@Das\_Glasperlenspiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Das_Glasperlenspiel)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/25 "2012-05-25T13:46:15Z")
If you are standing, take off the damn backpack and put it at your feet. Your turning around to yak at your equally clueless buddies and whapping all and sundry around you is not appreciated. Further, do not yell and curse at the driver because _you_ failed to read the destination sign and now find yourself in East Moose Nose when you wanted to go to West Goose Neck. And even further, waving an expired transfer and expostulating in a foreign language is not effective, especially when you were yelling at your kids not two minutes before in perfect, unaccented English. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/26 "2012-05-25T13:51:12Z")
It has been a long time since I’ve used public transportation, but back then my response to someone plopping down next to me on an otherwise empty bus was to get up and move. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/27 "2012-05-25T13:51:13Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Also, don’t bring chickens on the bus. It’s disconcerting. As long as they bring enough for everyone, I’m cool with it. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/28 "2012-05-25T13:54:01Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > 1. Stop standing in the fucking doorway, you morons. Seriously. Of all the places to stand, you’ve picked the absolute worst, the one which allows people to board and exit the train. Are you retarded, or just a dick? Yes, I know at rush hour, we’re all packed in there like sardines, in which case it’s fine to stand in the doorway so long as you _clear the fucking way once we’re at the goddamn stop._ Once we have arrived and people need to get on or off, please move your dumb fucking ass out of the way for the 10 seconds it takes to allow for boarding. Don’t just stand there playing Words With Friends, completely oblivious like, “Juh? People need access to the doorways at train stations? Lol, wut?” For some reason, DC Metro’s train cars seem specially designed to encourage violation of this rule. There are dividers adjacent to the doors in most cars that are _perfect_ for leaning on. Which would be fine - except they’re _right next to the doors_, and thus people want to stay there. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/29 "2012-05-25T14:32:38Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > This has been the theory, and I’d like to go with it because it’s somewhat flattering, but I’m constantly told to smile due to the perma-scowl I’ve adopted. I can’t imagine I look too friendly. Or maybe they like people who look mean? Or maybe I don’t look as mean as I thought? It’s baffling. Mean is way less scary than ‘planning a mugging’ or ‘receiving urgent messages through his fillings’ or ‘looking for potential converts’. If you only look mean, that probably makes you a nice safe seatmate for someone nervous. And for some people, the perma-scowl could be a bonus, since it means you’re unlikely to want to strike up a friendly chat. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/30 "2012-05-25T14:40:33Z")
Perhaps. I know if I see someone who is completely stone-faced, reading or wearing headphones, that’s the person I’m sitting next to. No chit chat. Someone posted something about not yapping to the person who is clearly reading or listening to music, and yeah, that. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/31 "2012-05-25T14:46:41Z")
What I don’t get is why the bus driver lets people exit through the front door, keeping boarding passengers waiting in the rain, in the snow, or just plain waiting. Front door is for IN, rear door is for out–what’s so fucking hard to understand? ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/32 "2012-05-25T15:19:50Z")
When the massive crush of people who just left the crowded train have exited and are now all making their way up the one staircase, that’s not the best time to sit on the steps playing with your phone. Oops, I accidentally slammed my bag into your head. So sorry about that. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/33 "2012-05-25T16:07:58Z")
It’s OK to not be entirely sure which way you need to go after you get off the train. Really. I’m usually not sure myself; I don’t ride the train every day and I’m not initimately familiar with every station. You know what’s _not_ OK? Taking one step off the train and immediately stopping dead in your tracks while you try to get your bearings. Because I’m _right behind you and I’m either going to walk right into you, stop short myself so that somebody else walks into me_, or risk dislocating a knee with an evasive maneuver. Guess what my choice will be? Walk away from the train and get clear of the crowd, and\* then \*you can stand there as long as you like looking for the best exit. It’s not that difficult to grasp. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/34 "2012-05-25T16:09:57Z")
The bus driver’s job is to drive the bus and to protect the passengers from harm. With that in mind, STOP TALKING TO THE FUCKING DRIVER ABOUT YOUR LATEST PROBLEM WITH YOUR FUCKING WIFE/HUSBAND/SEX PARTNER! Drivers here are generally too polite to tell people to go away, and there is apparently no rule against blathering on to them. I’ve been on buses where the driver misses stops or runs lights because he’s engaged in conversation. Also, standing next to the driver while you’re regaling him with stories of your fucking gerbil blocks the entry/exit. One guy was easily over 300 pounds and completely blocked the aisle. Whenever someone needed to get on or off, this lard-ass would turn sideways. Yeah, that’s not helping things when you’re four feet side-to-side and front-to-back. Sit the fuck down, goddamnit! That whole thing with digging for nickels to make the fare really gets me fired up. The bus driver will not move an inch until the fare is paid, but you just have to text your latest vapid fucking thought to someone just as stupid as you are, rather than getting your fare ready, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/35 "2012-05-25T16:35:36Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > It’s OK to not be entirely sure which way you need to go after you get off the train. Really. I’m usually not sure myself; I don’t ride the train every day and I’m not initimately familiar with every station. You know what’s _not_ OK? Taking one step off the train and immediately stopping dead in your tracks while you try to get your bearings. Because I’m _right behind you and I’m either going to walk right into you, stop short myself so that somebody else walks into me_, or risk dislocating a knee with an evasive maneuver. Guess what my choice will be? That reminds me of the horrible people who, when running for the door of a train about to depart, get inside and the instant they cross the threshold, STOP and plant themselves in the doorway. These people KNOW the train is about to depart – they ran for it. These people KNOW others are ALSO running for the same door – they were right ahead of me. I can only formulate two possible explanations: 1. Entering the train causes some sort of mind-wipe or brain death, and the body just rumbles to a stop without guidance. 2. These people are monsters, completely sociopathic. Why else would they deliberately block everyone else from getting onto the train? I have slammed into these people intentionally. Seriously, what the fuck? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/36 "2012-05-25T16:47:35Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > What I don’t get is why the bus driver lets people exit through the front door, keeping boarding passengers waiting in the rain, in the snow, or just plain waiting. Front door is for IN, rear door is for out–what’s so fucking hard to understand? This really grates because it seems to intuitive not to walk through crowds of people to get off the bus, when there’s a clearly marked, one-way exit mere feet away. > [@Wheelz](#): > > It’s OK to not be entirely sure which way you need to go after you get off the train. Really. I’m usually not sure myself; I don’t ride the train every day and I’m not initimately familiar with every station. You know what’s _not_ OK? Taking one step off the train and immediately stopping dead in your tracks while you try to get your bearings. Because I’m _right behind you and I’m either going to walk right into you, stop short myself so that somebody else walks into me_, or risk dislocating a knee with an evasive maneuver. Guess what my choice will be? > > Walk away from the train and get clear of the crowd, and\* then \*you can stand there as long as you like looking for the best exit. It’s not that difficult to grasp. Right. At some point, it’s your first time everywhere. Hell, I’ve only been in my current city for about a year, so I will every now and again find myself at a station completely foreign to me and will be uncertain of where to go. On my most assholish of days, I do not hit the brakes right as I exit the train and look around. I’m sure the people who do this are the same assholes who stop their cars on the middle of busy streets because they’re lost instead of just pulling over like a sane person, or circling the block in case there’s nowhere to stop. > [@Chefguy](#): > > The bus driver’s job is to drive the bus and to protect the passengers from harm. With that in mind, STOP TALKING TO THE FUCKING DRIVER ABOUT YOUR LATEST PROBLEM WITH YOUR FUCKING WIFE/HUSBAND/SEX PARTNER! We need to hook bus drivers up with a slightly less dilapidated version of [this sign](http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2587/3978131933_8978ee00e0_z.jpg). We can revisit that scene from a Simpsons episode where Lisa tries to chat up the driver, and in order to quiet her, he merely taps the sign. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/37 "2012-05-25T17:26:12Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > We need to hook bus drivers up with a slightly less dilapidated version of [this sign](http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2587/3978131933_8978ee00e0_z.jpg). We can revisit that scene from a Simpsons episode where Lisa tries to chat up the driver, and in order to quiet her, he merely taps the sign. Now I know that you’ve seen the people who ride the bus. In large part, those who insist on conversing (or even monologueing) with the driver are mentally suspect, and a sign would deter them not one iota. The worst offenders are off-duty drivers who have to gossip with the on-duty driver and bitch about the company/union/city for mile after mile. And while we’re at it, drivers who jack-rabbit away from bus stops before passengers are seated or at least have a grip on something should be fired immediately. I saw one limping vet catapulted down the aisle by one asshole driver. His friend yelled at the driver that she was an asshole, which didn’t stop her from continuing the practice at every stop. Perhaps a lawsuit for several million dollars would stop this nonsense, but I really think a good beat-down would be more satisfying. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/38 "2012-05-25T19:11:23Z")
Every bus I take has a sign that the front seats are for the handicapped, elderly, and pregnant passengers. Until they add “lazy” to the list, if you are not a crip, old, or preggers while sitting in that seat and such a person gets on the bus MOVE YOUR FUCKING LAZY ASS. I have a handicapped bus pass and I will move if a person more handicapped or older than me gets on the bus. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/39 "2012-05-25T19:25:45Z")
> [@Yumblie](#): > > Your bag does not count as a passenger. If there are people standing in the aisle, then your bag must give up its seat. I get on the bus. I pay my fare. All the seats are taken. A woman in the front seat has two little children sitting beside her, and a stroller and kids’ stuff taking up the two seats behind them. I start shoving all the stuff over to one seat and she screams at me “STOP MOVING MY STUFF!” I say “I paid for a seat. Did you pay for four seats? Unless you did, shut up.” And I sat down. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/40 "2012-05-25T19:30:51Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Every bus I take has a sign that the front seats are for the handicapped, elderly, and pregnant passengers. Until they add “lazy” to the list, if you are not a crip, old, or preggers while sitting in that seat and such a person gets on the bus MOVE YOUR FUCKING LAZY ASS. > > I have a handicapped bus pass and I will move if a person more handicapped or older than me gets on the bus. Rarely happens in today’s world of texting and apps. Everybody is completely absorbed by some mindless game or in texting their latest “OMG and he was like so like LOL!!!”, and so totally disconnected from the world around them that to reconnect would require an open-handed slap to the ear to get their attention. I see people miss their stops all the time, and have even seen people miss the bus because of this. On one occasion, the driver stopped, opened the door, and waited about five seconds while the idiot at the stop never looked up from his busily moving thumbs. So he drove off. I looked back and the guy was frantically waving his arms for the bus to stop. :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029.md?page=3)