# Here are some public transit rules, douchebags. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029 "2012-05-25T01:10:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/61 "2012-05-28T14:26:20Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > “dude, I’m drunk and I’m loud, but YOU are a pig,” And tomorrow I’ll be sober. ---
**Author:** ![3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/47e85d/32.png) [@3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3_20_59_or_bust)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/62 "2012-05-29T15:44:53Z")
7b) And when you talk to your buddies about your latest aggravated assault arrest, please do it somewhat quietly, so the rest of us can at least pretend we’re traveling home with normal citizens of society. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/63 "2012-05-29T16:19:46Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > “dude, I’m drunk and I’m loud, but YOU are a pig,” > [@Kenm](#): > > And tomorrow I’ll be sober. Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![Stendhal\_Syndrome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Stendhal\_Syndrome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stendhal_Syndrome)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/64 "2012-05-30T17:54:53Z")
To the turd sitting behind me, Hello. I can hear your stupid annoying music through your ear phones and it is really loud. Oh please no, don’t rap along! It doesn’t make you cool. Also, the incessant gum smacking is making you a bigger douche than you already are! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/65 "2012-05-30T18:14:40Z")
> [@3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](#): > > 7b) And when you talk to your buddies about your latest aggravated assault arrest, please do it somewhat quietly, so the rest of us can at least pretend we’re traveling home with normal citizens of society. This is when you activate the recording feature of your phone and send it anonymously to YouTube. ---
**Author:** ![BeaBeautyful78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@BeaBeautyful78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeaBeautyful78)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/66 "2012-05-30T20:00:34Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > Live chickens on a bus, eh? Were they in a stroller, at least? 😉 No…they were with Mexicans. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/67 "2012-06-07T19:43:27Z")
Please note: The job of the person driving this particular bus is to know this bus route and to get the passengers to their destinations at the appointed time. It is NOT to know every single bus route and the times at which every single bus comes. So stop flagging down the bus to ask about another bus. There’s an app for that. ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/68 "2012-06-07T20:12:02Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Write this down. > > Rule 1) Don’t sit next to anyone –ever– if there are completely empty rows available. Most people seem to abide by this rule, so theoretically it should not be atop my list, but there’s something about the way I look or smell that attracts old people to my seat, regardless of how absurdly empty the train is. Old people, and yes it’s almost always an old person, will forsake wide open empty rows to sit next to me. Stop doing this. Today. One exception: some people have a definite preference to which direction they want to face when traveling. > [@](#): > > 1. Stop standing in the fucking doorway, you morons. Seriously. Of all the places to stand, you’ve picked the absolute worst, the one which allows people to board and exit the train. I assume you meant to add, “unless the next stop is your stop.” > [@Taomist](#): > > -Stick to the right when walking up stairs, down stairs, on escalators, walking ANYWHERE in a mass transit area. ESPECIALLY if you’re just going to let the escalator carry you up; do NOT block the people behind you from moving past just so you can chat with your friend next to you. I have been confused by this, especially as I am pretty sure it is different in different parts of the world. Is it “stand on the right, walk on the left” or “stand on the left, walk on the right”? I think it’s the first one in areas of the world where you drive on the right side of the road, and the second one where you drive on the left (i.e. the “fast lane” for driving is also the “fast side” for escalators). > [@Yumblie](#): > > Your bag does not count as a passenger. If there are people standing in the aisle, then your bag must give up its seat. Your bag should never be on a seat - what if somebody comes walking by, looking for a seat? This especially applies when pulling into a station. One kinda sorta exception: if your bag is a piece of luggage (hey, if they want to put a subway station at the airport, and it’s a choice between (a) a $10 subway ride, (b) a $150 taxi, and (c) $150 in long-term parking charges, what do you expect?), and the “seat” is part of the area reserved for wheelchairs. Needless to say, if somebody in a wheelchair comes by, that bag had better be in your lap. Here aare a couple of mine: If someone is sitting between you and the aisle, do not wait until the bus/train stops at your stop before trying to get out; tell the person next to you that the next stop is yours, so they can get up and you can get out in plenty of time. Before trying to board, let people trying to get off the bus/train get off. On a bus, that’s just common sense, since there’s only one aisle, and you’re not going anywhere until they get off; for that matter, the bus isn’t going anywhere until you get on. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/69 "2012-06-07T20:50:29Z")
Never use transit without your personal force-field batteries fully charged. Bedbugs. ---
**Author:** ![chizzuk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@chizzuk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chizzuk)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/70 "2012-06-07T20:56:26Z")
I spent a decent amount of time in the LA Metro last week and it was horrible. People stand there like lumps and block all the escalators, they don’t wait for others to exit the train before getting on, most of the stations are filthy and smell like piss, there are panhandlers in the train cars, the trains only run every 10 minutes during rush hour, the stops are 5 minutes apart, etc. Downright uncivilized. I would say it’s no wonder everyone drives, but the roads are awful, too. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/71 "2012-06-07T21:01:48Z")
I remember well when the first beautiful girl sat next to me on the Metro when there were other options available, then I realized I had become the older “safe” guy to choose. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/72 "2012-06-08T18:21:41Z")
The first beautiful girl would be old, too, at least 40,000 years — though remarkably well preserved. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/73 "2012-06-08T18:48:36Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > In Toronto, if not elsewhere as well, never stand near the yellow line in subway stations. You may as well have a sign on your back saying “Throw me in front of a train.” [**Toldja so**](http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/classmates-save-life-bronx-woman-viciously-thrown-tracks-hunts-point-ave-subway-station-article-1.1091882). > [@](#): > > Waiting for a No. 6 train, mystery maniac tossed Patricia Villa before an oncoming train Alas, ignoring her rescuers for her dead mother’s ghost proves she’s nuts, too. > [@](#): > > “I think my mom saved me,” said the immigrant from Colombia. “She’s my angel.” ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/74 "2012-06-08T22:29:51Z")
> [@That\_Don\_Guy](#): > > One exception: some people have a definite preference to which direction they want to face when traveling. I can get this. The sideways facing seats kill me. I just threw that rule in due to the uncanny insistence of the elderly to skip over entire empty rows to sit next to me. > [@](#): > > I have been confused by this, especially as I am pretty sure it is different in different parts of the world. Is it “stand on the right, walk on the left” or “stand on the left, walk on the right”? I think it’s the first one in areas of the world where you drive on the right side of the road, and the second one where you drive on the left (i.e. the “fast lane” for driving is also the “fast side” for escalators). Huh. I never thought of the relationship to which side of the road we drive on. In these parts we drive on the right side of the road, pass in the left lane, and consistent with that, on escalators and those moving platforms at the airport, stand to the right, walk left. New Rule 1: Do not smell like whatever that one guy smelled like on the train yesterday. I’m not usually one to whine about smelly people on public transit in big, dirty cities, but this guy took the cake and apparently shat on it. It was so bad that it couldn’t be escaped. I moved to the other side of the railcar in a futile attempt to get away, and when I could still smell traces of the odor, became paranoid that his stench was clinging to my hair and clothing. When I exited the train I realized the good news that his smell had not clung to me, but the bad that his smell was somehow just that pervasive. The worst part is the stench was indescribable. It wasn’t the unwashed funk that we’ve all smelled before, and was something I can’t even conjure up words for. It was… I dunno, putrid? That still doesn’t describe it. Well whatever it was, Rule 1 is don’t smell like that. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/75 "2012-06-09T10:02:59Z")
> [@That\_Don\_Guy](#): > > I have been confused by this, especially as I am pretty sure it is different in different parts of the world. Is it “stand on the right, walk on the left” or “stand on the left, walk on the right”? I think it’s the first one in areas of the world where you drive on the right side of the road, and the second one where you drive on the left (i.e. the “fast lane” for driving is also the “fast side” for escalators). I assumed that, but in the london underground it’s “stand on the right” and I seem to recall that was just because it happened to be used in the first safety video, or something like that, mostly coincidence. But anyway, don’t go to great effort to REMEMBER which way it is: there’s signs every five feet down the escalators, just do what it says on the signs! I’ve no idea if there’s an international standard, it seems Americans also stand on the right, which makes sense from a same-as-driving perspective. I think many countries say to walk on the same side as you drive? Although I was always taught that if you’re walking on a _road_, you should walk on the opposite side, since you’re not dodging other pedestrians, you’re dodging cars, and your walking speed is basically irrelevant so going the same way doesn’t help, but going the other way you can see them coming and know when to step into the verge. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/76 "2012-06-09T14:32:00Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > \ > New Rule 1: Do not smell like whatever that one guy smelled like on the train yesterday. I’m not usually one to whine about smelly people on public transit in big, dirty cities, but this guy took the cake and apparently shat on it. It was so bad that it couldn’t be escaped. I moved to the other side of the railcar in a futile attempt to get away, and when I could still smell traces of the odor, became paranoid that his stench was clinging to my hair and clothing. When I exited the train I realized the good news that his smell had not clung to me, but the bad that his smell was somehow just that pervasive. The worst part is the stench was indescribable. It wasn’t the unwashed funk that we’ve all smelled before, and was something I can’t even conjure up words for. It was… I dunno, putrid? That still doesn’t describe it. Well whatever it was, Rule 1 is don’t smell like that. Do you remember that episode of “Seinfeld” and the smelly guy? It sounds like it was like that - The Smell That Took Over the World! ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/77 "2012-06-13T13:58:03Z")
[**Another subway push.**](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2158148/Video-woman-underground-worker-pushed-live-tracks-Russia.html) This time in Russia. (Excellent video.) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/78 "2012-06-14T14:04:33Z")
Oh, those Russians. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/79 "2012-06-14T14:54:02Z")
> [@That\_Don\_Guy](#): > > If someone is sitting between you and the aisle, do not wait until the bus/train stops at your stop before trying to get out; tell the person next to you that the next stop is yours, so they can get up and you can get out in plenty of time. And when I do say, “excuse me, I’m getting off next,” _stand up and let me by_. Do not do the “squoosh over slightly” move to make me walk over you. Because I \*will \*“accidentally” step on your feet and elbow you hard in the nose. ---
**Author:** ![Floater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dc4da7/32.png) [@Floater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Floater)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029/80 "2012-06-14T14:56:08Z")
If you want to get off the train raise your carcass from the seat in time and get off together with everybody else. Don’t wait until people have begun to enter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-are-some-public-transit-rules-douchebags/623029.md?page=5)