# Here I Am, Pit My Ass **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 26, 2006, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258 "2006-04-26T05:27:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/21 "2006-04-26T09:00:26Z")
**Quasimodem** , I’ve read the thread. I’m confused. I don’t see anything in there to be upset about. I’m also confused about why you seem to think your membership is on the line. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/22 "2006-04-26T09:01:05Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#): > > Typical SDMB behavior, and not only did the “teemings” pile on, the mods decided to take their turn as well. > > God, what a pitiful bunch of people, who won’t even use the etiquette to ask what is meant, or ask for clarification. > > Shaking my head and walking away… Typically, I need to ask, why do we need clarification? You can shake your head, and you can walk away, but both are your choice. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/23 "2006-04-26T10:24:34Z")
> [@](#): > > WHAT THE FUCK IS IT ABOUT AN INNOCENT QUESTION THAT YOU NUMB-NUTS DO NOT UNDERSTAND??? You’re the one who seems not to understand what was going on. The question was stupid. It was thoroughly answered anyway, even though it was a stupid idea in the first place. No one is threatened by you (contrary to your self-pitying protests), in large part because the stupidity of the question does not appear to be a fluke but rather a reflection of your usual style. You asked a stupid question, got a bunch of perfectly reasonable responses, and quite clearly lost your shit because no one agreed with you. Also, your cow “parable” was moronic and didn’t make the slightest bit of sense. ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/24 "2006-04-26T10:46:27Z")
**Quasimodem** , you seem to feel misunderstood, and since you seem to be doing your best to appear unintelligible now, I don’t know that anyone can relieve your distress. But you’ve been around enough to know that wheresoever two SDMB members gather, three mutually exclusive opinions are formed. If you feel that you’re being viciously attacked because you’re presenting some truth that offends the orthodoxy, that could be for any of three reasons: 1. You’re being attacked because you’re championing some truth that is offensive to the orthodoxy. My guess is probably not, because (and I’ll leave consideration of the merits of your GD OP out of this for now) to orchestrate a respose that ensured unanimous disagreement and zapped out of existence every hint of support before it got posted strikes me as beyond the capacity of the SDMB. Doesn’t seem like such a thing could result from merely developing a membership base designed to behave that way, either – how could they know what would be needed, or, without asking a single question before sign-up, how could they be sure to get it? Finally, if such control were remotely possible, why not just take the easy route and keep just _one_ person – you – from signing up at all? 2. You’re not being attacked in any serious way, yet, but the complete lack of any support for your views has you a little rattled (it would me) and the posts that disagree seem harsher because of it and, possibly, you need to get some rest. 3. You’re being attacked not for your opinions but because you’re demonstrating some other traits – obstinacy and a propensity to insult people in the wrong forum – that even a room full of Dopers can agree makes an easy target. And I’ll even apologize for having some fun at your expense in the MPSIMS thread. I thought it was gentle enough, but I take no pleasure in kicking someone when he’s down. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/25 "2006-04-26T11:38:35Z")
> [@trublmakr](#): > > Is this the same guy who went on a date with a mod (can’t remember who) then posted about it, then melted down over it? If not, please excuse the intrusion, and return to your regularly scheduled meltdown. Hey, wait a minute…you can date the mods? They don’t, like, take vows or anything? ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/26 "2006-04-26T11:47:17Z")
> [@Biffy the Elephant Shrew](#): > > Hey, wait a minute…you can date the mods? They don’t, like, take vows or anything? Apparently not without melting down. [This thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=327326) was a big WTF for me, similar to the Salman Rushdie mess in that his reactions seem out of synch and out of proportion. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/27 "2006-04-26T11:56:56Z")
You know, if I’m an idiot for not understanding what the fuck you’re going on about, go ahead and throw me in the special class. If I ever DO start fully comprehending what you’re talking about, I hope to be forcibly admitted to an institution which will bring me back to reality. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/28 "2006-04-26T11:58:29Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#): > > **WHAT THE FUCK IS IT ABOUT AN INNOCENT QUESTION THAT YOU NUMB-NUTS DO NOT UNDERSTAND???** It appeared to me that the responders to your question understood it perfectly well, and to varying degrees believed that you were making a stupid comparison. The responses didn’t seem particularly nasty to me, considering the weakness of the OP and your support for it. You appear to have had expectations, or maybe requirements, as to how your OP should have been treated. That is usually a formula for disappointment. They weren’t met; you pissed and moaned and pouted and then pitted yourself. You appear to be somewhat loony. ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/29 "2006-04-26T12:18:47Z")
> [@Hamadryad](#): > > You know, if I’m an idiot for not understanding what the fuck you’re going on about, go ahead and throw me in the special class. If I ever DO start fully comprehending what you’re talking about, I hope to be forcibly admitted to an institution which will bring me back to reality. Here. Have a helmet. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/30 "2006-04-26T13:28:05Z")
> [@Xploder](#): > > Here. Have a helmet. I already _have_ a helmet. With earflaps, even! Unfortunately, while it protects me from hurting myself, Quasi’s stupid just keeps seeping through. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/31 "2006-04-26T13:30:09Z")
I will be the first to admit that I’m not fond of you, so perhaps that is coloring my ability to feel any kind of empathy in this situation. That said… You’re being a big fucking crybaby. This whole poor pitiful misunderstood me thing is the most ridiculous, most childish, most inane thing I’ve seen in… well, I don’t know how long. I see this entire escapade as having two possible motivations: 1. You really, really feel this god damn persecuted because you got slapped down for asking the WORLD’S STUPIDEST QUESTION. If that’s true, then you need to put your life into a much better perspective. Follow through with what you’ve promised in TWO threads now, and be done. Get out. No one will miss your pathetic attempts at normal interactions. 2. You’re attempting to blaze out in a spectacular way, through suicide by fellow poster/mod. Give it the fuck up… that’s even more sad than possibility #1. You will not be remembered on the level of the all-caps guy, or the I-burning-your-dog guy, or the gotcha-ya guy. You will be remembered for being a crazy-ass stalker who gushes like a 12 year old girl with a crush on Davey Jones and who fell apart when he figured out he couldn’t keep up when playing with the big kids. You’re over the age of fifty, for Christ’s sake… stop acting like a two year old. Walk away from the keyboard and into the nearest therapist’s office to deal with this overinflated ego you’ve got (someone demonstrating this level of pigheaded, ME ME ME ME ME-ness must be unbelievably, clinically egotistical). And remind me which hospital you work at again, so I can be sure to never have me or mine sent there? If you get this het up over a bloody message board, I can’t imagine what you’d do in a real crisis. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/32 "2006-04-26T13:52:21Z")
So… You’re pitting _who_ here since people did not agree with your original OP, “Is Dan Brown the next Rushdie?” If you ask a question, isn’t it reasonable to expect an answer? What in the world is all this fuss about? I pit you right back for wasting everybody’s time! Psst? Is Jackie Collins the next Jane Austen? ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/33 "2006-04-26T14:12:37Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Your ass is stupid. That gives him a matching set then. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/34 "2006-04-26T14:33:33Z")
Based on reading the threads in question and the date one I think it is safe to say somebody has a persecution complex. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/35 "2006-04-26T14:37:51Z")
Congratulation to **Quasi** for winning SDMB Drama Queen of the Week! Here’s your tiara, careful it doesn’t get bent out of shape. ---
**Author:** ![Humble\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/47e85d/32.png) [@Humble\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humble_Servant)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/36 "2006-04-26T14:50:25Z")
> [@The King of Soup](#): > > I’ll even apologize for having some fun at your expense in the MPSIMS thread. I want to respond to that post. > [@](#): > > _KofS from other thread:_ > See there were these two cows not real cows metaphorical cows Holsteins maybe it doesn’t matter yeah definitely Holsteins and each cow was on either side of a fence not a metaphorical fence a real fence made of wood or rocks or something like that none of your barbed wire around here nosireebob anyway on one side of the fence was a smart farmer’s property where everything was nice and green and on the other side some stupid farmer was grazing his cow in like a gravel pit or something so I mean you can see the problem even if you’re not a cow anyway this poor cow whose name was Gertie by the way wanted to go over to the green side and see the smart farmer’s cow whose name was Rorschach ‘cause well never mind if you don’t get it I can’t explain it without ruining the whole joke you’ll just have to wait ‘til it suddenly hits you one day when you’re thinking about something else that’s the way it always works for me except I usually get the jokes the first time just sayin’ anyway everybody said Gertie was too ugly but really it was that they were all ducks but Gertie was a SWAN and oh wait a minute that’s not it Gertie wasn’t a swan she was a cow and she wasn’t ugly she was she was shewasshewasshewasshewasSHY yes shy that’s it and the other cows weren’t very helpful even though Gertie could have told the smart farmer’s cow a thing or two for instance did you know that authors Dan Brown and Salman Rushdie both had secretaries named Lincoln or maybe it was Kennedy it doesn’t matter anyway PRETTY FREAKIN’ EERIE wouldn’t you say but poor Gertie never made it so she just kept on eating stupid gravel but the smart cow IT’S BECAUSE HOLSTEINS HAVE THESE BLACK AND WHITE PATTERNS THAT LOOK LIKE INK BLOTS GET IT anyway the smart cow she starts eating the grass but it turns out not to be just nice mellow grass instead its all these millions of little green pills like ankle deep all over the place and the smart cow eats about three of them with a Dr. Pepper and a Twinkie and then it’s like she suddenly remembers something she REALLY has to do so she gallops back to the barn where they have internet access and she does some seriously cogent and meaningful posting for some hours but pretty soon now she thinks she’ll go back to her stall maybe and, you know, crash for a while. The cow parable I like is the one about Frank Lloyd Wright and how he asked his farm manager at Taliesin why the farm was losing money and how the farm guy replied that he could beef up his returns by adding more HOLSTEINS to his herd because they give more milk than the BROWN and white kind and how Frank refused because the black and white ones don’t look as pretty aesthetically speaking against the green grass or pills or whatever even though that doesn’t explain how to find a HOLSTEIN in a snowstorm or what’s black and white and read all over but I must say that I happen to think that cows are oddly beautiful. Hi. ---
**Author:** ![galt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@galt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galt)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/37 "2006-04-26T15:21:25Z")
Objective notes from an uninvolved observer: [ul] [li]Your original question was pretty vague about what aspects of the two authors you wanted to compare. It reasonably could have gone towards “is DB the next author to offend a religious group so severely that he gets his life threatened” or “is DB the next literary genius in the area of books-that-offend-religious groups” (not that I necessarily consider either one of them a literary genius, but you could have meant it that way for all anyone else knew)[/li][li]You were completely unprepared for anyone to disagree, as evidenced by your totally rude reaction to the first response. All the guy did was disagree, albeit in a slightly dismissive way.[/li][li]You have utterly failed at participating in a reasonable discussion, preferring instead to attack everyone else. You **singlehandedly** created the adversarial tone of the thread and then blamed the results on pack mentality.[/li][/ul] Less objectively, you sound like a complete fucking paranoid loon. You’ve managed to set forth a premise which nobody will agree with, and taken the resulting unanimous disagreement as evidence that everyone’s against you. In addition, you write like a raving lunatic. In short, you’re a nutjob. ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/38 "2006-04-26T15:36:27Z")
Quasi quit impersonating drmark2000, thats soo last week. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/39 "2006-04-26T15:53:51Z")
> [@Crotalus](#): > > Apparently not without melting down. [This thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=327326) was a big WTF for me, similar to the Salman Rushdie mess in that his reactions seem out of synch and out of proportion. Yow. After reading that, and the post in the Subscription Help thread that **Maureen** linked to, I think I’m starting to understand **TubaDiva** better. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2006, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258/40 "2006-04-26T15:56:20Z")
**Quasimodem** , if you take one thing from this thread, let it be this: _PROVIDE A FUCKING LINK WHEN YOU’RE REFERENCING OTHER THREADS!!!_ Both in this thread and one that **Maureen** was nice enough to link to, you start an OP referencing other board activity and make us guess WHAT ON EARTH YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. Thanks for making other people do the legwork. I know, I know, it’s crazy. But the fact is you’re not the center of my universe. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-am-pit-my-ass/354258.md?page=3)