# Here I sit all broken hearted, can't get the toilet paper started
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [March 12, 2007, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557 "2007-03-12T03:49:49Z")
**Posts on this page:** 11
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@uglyduckling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglyduckling)
#### Post date: [March 14, 2007, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/41 "2007-03-14T08:07:22Z")
Buy a different brand of toilet paper, I don’t think you will have the problem
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [March 14, 2007, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/42 "2007-03-14T22:20:46Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin]
Be glad for what you have, be it paper or cob.
I know a guy who runs wilderness canoe trips where everyone uses only sticks. No joke.
[/QUOTE]
Now, why would you use sticks when there are nice leaves available? (Gives whole new meaning to “stick up their butt,” though. 😃 )
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### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2007, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/43 "2007-03-15T00:08:48Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou]
Now, why would you use sticks when there are nice leaves available? (Gives whole new meaning to “stick up their butt,” though. 😃 )
[/QUOTE]
Most of his trips are in the boreal forest, where the trees tend to have pointy needles.
I bring TP, but when out, I prefer moss. The stick thing seems stupid to me.
The fellow once hired me to review his program. After my safety recommendations, the frst of my non-critical recommendations was “Stop forcing your clients to wipe with sticks.” He put the safety recommendations into effect, but stayed with sticks for wiping.
He rationalized sitcks as being more “natural”, and thus more appropriate for people looking for a wilderness experience. Seeing as his clients used ABS canoes, nylon tents, metal pots, polyester clothing, and freeze-dried food, I didn’t see why TP should be given over for sticks, but it was his progam, not mine.
I did make a point, however, of always carrying a stick with me when I taught his clients how to canoe before they went off on their canoe trips with him, and used it as a talking stick during group discussions (meaning that the person holding the stick has the floor, and when done, passes the stick to the next person who then has the floor – it works well for rambunctious groups). I made sure to explain to the clients that it was my personal stick, and that during their canoe trip they would find their own personal sticks to keep as momentos.
That way when his clients then went off on their trips with him and for the first time discovered the many and varied joys of wiping with their own personal stick, they would wonder just what sort of stick it was that I had had them passing back and forth.
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### Author:  [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2007, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/44 "2007-03-15T04:53:30Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Lendervedder]
a fucking boycott
[/QUOTE]
Sorry, not gonna happen.
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### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/45 "2007-03-15T18:05:20Z")
All this makes me wonder just what it was that General Douglas McArthur was smoking in this corncob pipe.
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### Author:  [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2007, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/46 "2007-03-15T18:19:35Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin]
All this makes me wonder just what it was that General Douglas McArthur was smoking in this corncob pipe.
[/QUOTE]
I guess that’s one way to carry a corn cob with you for use in the trenches.
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### Author:  [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2007, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/47 "2007-03-16T06:02:07Z")
[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000]
three seashells
[/QUOTE]
Holy shit, I didn’t know anyone else even had that movie on their radar.
To the OP: I use this stuff called Angel Soft. It’s comparable to Scott in comfort, cheaper, and it has the glue inset about an inch in so you can just pull the paper apart. I love it.
I can’t use that expensive toilet paper. It makes me feel…unwiped.
~Tasha
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### Author:  [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)
#### Post date: [March 17, 2007, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/48 "2007-03-17T03:31:51Z")
[QUOTE=Dead Cat]
Why not just jump in the [jacuzzi](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=356483&)? 😃
The OP was hilarious but some of the subsequent comments are even better.
[/QUOTE]
Can’t…stop…laughing… Must…stop…before…asphyxiation…
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### Author:  [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)
#### Post date: [March 17, 2007, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/49 "2007-03-17T09:24:03Z")
Some ghoulish part of me wishes the photos from the linked thread were still up, though. 🙂 I didn’t see them the first time!
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### Author:  [@slaphead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slaphead)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2007, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/50 "2007-03-18T14:59:30Z")
[QUOTE=Muffin]
Most of his trips are in the boreal forest, where the trees tend to have pointy needles.
[/QUOTE]
[Python] Pointy, pointy needles. Those branches are dynamite![/Python]
[QUOTE=Muffin]
That way when his clients then went off on their trips with him and for the first time discovered the many and varied joys of wiping with their own personal stick, they would wonder just what sort of stick it was that I had had them passing back and forth.
[/QUOTE]
You’re evil, but in a good way.
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### Author:  [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-i-sit-all-broken-hearted-cant-get-the-toilet-paper-started/395557/51 "2007-03-18T15:37:38Z")
That can happen when you’re typing one handed…
dam…wrong thread!! :o
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