# Here we go again...(baby related) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 13, 2001, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722 "2001-06-13T22:06:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2001, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/41 "2001-06-15T20:11:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rosebud \* > \*\*Jeez, **Tranquilis** , that’s about the rudest thing I’ve ever heard in the various kids/no kids threads. Your sister has infinitely more class than anyone who’d presume to say such a thing, it’s right up there with telling someone who’s miscarried that they’re young and can just have another. \*\* Yup, she’s a class act, all the way. If it had been one of my other sisters (also class acts, but with rather less restraint), our little busybody would’ve been yipping off into the sunset, scalded-tail-betwixt-legs. Which is also nice. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/42 "2001-06-16T09:24:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rez \* > \*\*I think every woman has this problem no matter what she does. I got pregnant very quickly after I got married and was berated on several occasions by people who thought I “ruined the best part of marriage.” I won’t even start in on some of the even ruder stuff. > Here is my suggestion: > The next time someone gives me their all-knowing attitude on what I should do with my body and my life I am going to bend over, reach into my vagina and pull out my uterus. Then I am going to smash it on their face and say “You obviously know what to do with this better than I do. Go for it.” Yeah, I’m a little bitter. \*\* This quote so perfectly encompases my feelings here. **featherlou** , you’ve got my sympathies in having to work with such incredibly offensive adults. I used to get this all the time, from a slightly different direction. The resulting rage was the same. ( First of all, I totally agree with the posters here who say it’s a personal choice, nobody should have to listen to shit from parents, friends, co-workers. NOT EVERYONE WANTS KIDS.) I’d be walking through the mall or stupidmarket, and total fucking strangers would look at me, and my kid in the stroller, and say, " Oooh, do you have any kids of your own?" or “Why couldn’t you have any kids of your own?”, or the all-time fuckwit dipwad inhumane crass crack," Don’t worry, now that you have this one your wife will get pregnant and you can have your own baby". Since when do total strangers get the right to converse to your face about what you do or DO NOT DO with your reproductive organs. **Rez** , you rock. Stick around here. At some point, people decided that because strangers talk about intimacy on national t.v. that it’s okay to grill people who are NOT truly intimates in their life about their child choices. For some it’s a choice, for some it’s not. THAT is irrelevant. How dare anyone ask? Loss of respect, that’s what it is. Doesn’t matter one fucking bit what I THINK about raising my kids, or if I LIKE kids or not. It only matters that someone responded to that query with, " Nope, no kids". So fuck it, leave it at that and respect their privacy. Ask them about something a bit more vague in nature, like that oozing sore on the neck. 😉 Originally Posted by _ **Kopi** _ > [@](#): > > Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go sew a quilt, bake bread for a week and starch my beloved husband’s tainted Fruit of the Looms. Fucking brutal, and perfect !!! You mean that your entire self image as an adult is not predicated on whether or not l’il Bippy can defecate into a porcelain bowl? \ 😃 😃 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/43 "2001-06-16T14:17:05Z")
My mom does this whole thing with me, and I’m only 19! Although I know she means it as a joke, but as I grow older it probably won’t be one. She thinks my sister is too unstable to have one (“She can’t even keep a steady boyfriend”) so it’s all up to me, apparantly. Mom: _sigh_ I want to be a grandmother. Me: I’m not having kids. You don’t care because you won’t have to take it home after your done playing with it. Mom: _smiles_ Me: I could get a dog. How 'bout that? I can bring the dog over and you can play with it and then we leave. If I ever do plan on having children, I plan on adopting. I’m not sure why, exactly. But I really, really, really dislike children (probably because of the fact that I took a Child Growth and Development class–I shudder just thinking about it right now). It reminds me of a _Seinfeld_, though: “Elaine…when are you going to have a baaaaaaabeeeeee?!” ---
**Author:** ![Kate\_W](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/cc9497/32.png) [@Kate\_W](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kate_W)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2001, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/44 "2001-06-18T12:58:08Z")
There’s also a big difference between someone who is respectful and genuinely interested in how you came to this decision and someone who is looking at you with a jaw-to-the-ground expression that indicats you’ve taken leave of your senses and a tone of voice that asks why you don’t also just admit you support the Holocaust, too. I can’t imagine any parents would appreciate having their choice to have kids put under a microscope in such a way, either. “What? You had kids? Are you crazy? How could you do such a thing!?” ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2001, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/45 "2001-06-19T07:06:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dangerosa \* > **From experience, don’t say “I can’t have children.” All those people who know better will say "You can always adopt."** But then you could always answer, “Not with my criminal record.” If they’re nosy enough to get this far, they’ll probably ask “what did you do?” “I killed some nosy fucker for asking too many personal questions.” 😃 –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![Winnowill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@Winnowill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnowill)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2001, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/46 "2001-06-19T20:46:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tranquilis \* > \*\*Biologically speaking, maiden (yeah, right!) aunts and bachellor uncles help ensure the survival of their sisters’ and brothers’ children by helping produce income/food/guard the village/build shelter/watch the kids/etc., without producing more mouths to feed. Think of them as worker bees for society, increasing the value of the hive. God bless you, all you whom are Childless By Choice! You make my life easier, and my daughter’s life better. \*\* May I just say that you REALLY don’t want me as a babysitter? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lionors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c37758/32.png) [@Lionors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionors)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/47 "2001-08-29T04:08:24Z")
> [@](#): > > Both my father’s wife, and my second oldest sister have gone the route of being mothers and grandmothers, without having children of their own. In fact, both of them managed to get their children well into the kids’ highschool years. I dare anyone to aproach either one about ‘having your own child’. I wanna be there to watch the busybody’s lungs being extracted via their mouth: For them, none of this “I’m too polite to not clobber you for being rude” stuff. They’ll each put it right on the line. > > As far as either one’s concerned, their step children are their own children, and that fact that they didn’t have to deal with rug-rats and curtain-climbers is a huge bonus. Each of them are very grateful to the kids’ birth mothers, and go out of their way to make sure they (the kids’ bio-moms) get treated right. Tranquilis, thankyouthankyouthankyou…as a stepmother with two very wonderful stepchildren, I’ve been hit with the “but you’re only their STEPMOTHER…it’s not like you’re their REAL mother” line so many times that I’m ready to rip the kisser off the next person who says it. Fortunately, my stepkids hate hearing that twice as much as I do. 🙂 Anyway, I needed to hear that. You rock! ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/48 "2001-08-29T04:52:51Z")
> [@](#): > > Anyway, I needed to hear that. You rock! Thank you, and your welcome, but let me place the credit where it’s due. My stepmom and sisters rock (my brothers too). I’m just priveledged to be in the family, and sometimes I get to tell a good story about them. I’d not be too gentle with the Zombies From Planet Parent. Being pruned now and again does them wonders of good. I recommend blunt scissors, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/49 "2001-08-29T05:08:10Z")
While this thread is enjoying it’s revival, why wouldn’t I want you as a babysitter, **jadailey**? You gonna teach my girl how to make explosives, leap off the top of garages, or ride bikes down into deep gullys at top speed? HA! I did all that, and worse, much of it at the behest of my “sitters”. I survived fine, and so will she. Hell, the worst thing you could be would be a wannabe mollester, and _that’s_ damned unlikely (and fatal, anyway), so what’s your worst? Teaching her to appreciate the literary stylings of Ayn Rand? ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/50 "2001-08-29T05:31:34Z")
Them: “So when are you going to settle down, get married and have kids.” Me: “Probably not likely on the marriage front, never on the kids front, I don’t desire kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love my nieces and nephews and my “adopted” kids from friends but kids aren’t for me.” Them: “You will change your mind, kids are wonderful, once you have your own you will never regret having children.” Me: “I was raised in an abusive family, I would never want to go down that road. I was not meant to be a mom…if I ever became a step-mom, that I could handle because ultimately the children are the responsibility of their mother and their father, not me, the big decisions are up to them, not me.” Them: “But you never know until you try it.” Me: (laughing) “Like you want me to experiment to see whether or not I am a woman capable of being a mother? You really need to rethink what you are telling me. I know me and I love kids, I prefer not to have my own. If you prefer to discuss this further, talk to me again in 7 years (I will be 40) and after the last 15 years I haven’t budged on the subject. I respect your want to have children but I also ask that you respect my want to not have my own. It’s pretty easy. I do as I feel fit in my life, you do as you feel fit to do in your life. Children aren’t what makes my life complete and besides I am very selfish so would you rather me bow into your want for me to experience the labor, the hemmorhoids, the years of things I don’t want to experience or would you rather me accept my life as a woman that doesn’t choose children and not bring into this world a child that really isn’t wanted?” Well, that’s not an actual conversation I have had but pretty darn close to those in the past. Work, friends or family, it doesn’t matter. There are so many people out there that can’t understand why some of us choose not to bear children. It’s difficult but you can always put it in a light that might wake them up to never asking another woman that question again. Frankly, other than me, it’s no ones business but I will answer it as best I can. I resent it, very much even, that because I feel that I am not mommy-like that I am therefore considered less of a woman. Shit, my step-grandma finally learned last year to quit asking me about it after 10 years. My father knows, very strongly that he will not be getting any grandbabies from me…I find the question rude unless a couple (yes a couple) has explicity discussed it with you directly. This all the while that I am watching Night Line and they are talking about serrogut (sp) women and the legal ramifications of those involved in this triangle of a woman bearing a child (or children) in this situation. ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/51 "2001-08-29T06:29:08Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Tranquilis_ > \*\*I _like_ people who don’t wish to be parents. It means _my_ child has lotsa aunts (and an uncle) to fawn over her, fill-in when a babysitter isn’t available, play with her on holidays, and generally make her life more fun and magical. Oh, and there’ll less competition when she goes for college. 😃 My siblings who _do_ have children feel the same way. > > Biologically speaking, maiden (yeah, right!) aunts and bachellor uncles help ensure the survival of their sisters’ and brothers’ children by helping produce income/food/guard the village/build shelter/watch the kids/etc., without producing more mouths to feed. Think of them as worker bees for society, increasing the value of the hive. God bless you, all you whom are Childless By Choice! You make my life easier, and my daughter’s life better.\*\* Yeah, and I recycle, too. Aunt Cajo _rocks!_ Thanks, Tranquilis, you made my night. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/52 "2001-08-29T12:59:02Z")
I was recently talking to my mother about this, since soon-to-be-Mr. Skerri and I have just had the “big talk”. I can’t believe people (random ones, anyways) would dare to ask a person these kinds of questions. My mother has offered to adopt anyone who wants a mother/mother-in-law/aunt, etc. that WON’T ask you “So, when are you going to have a baby?” See, at the tender age of 57, my mother already has 14 grandchildren, and 9 great-grandchildren. Yes, apparently my siblings decided to start early. (I have 4 sisters and a brother, and I am the only childless one right now.) Mr. Skerri and I have discussed kids. Seriously. But we are scared that his congenital birth defect may reappear, even though it happens to only 1 in 750,000 kids. So, if it happens, it will happen because we decide the benefits are greater than the risk, and the financial side of it won’t kill us in the end. I do have to admit that I’ve always liked the “I really don’t feel that’s any of your business” answer with a really hearty smile and a turn-and-walk-away. Then again, there’s always the snappy “Because I only have the seeds of Satan” answer. Your best bet is always the polite one, because it tends to stop people in their tracks. If it doesn’t, you can always say “We/I chose not to have children because we/I fucking say so.” That should work. Good luck. Live your life the way you want to. ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/53 "2001-08-29T13:30:49Z")
Since I’m not a woman, I’ve never been able to use this, so I offer it to those who might be able to: Idiot: You hate kids? You: No, I don’t hate kids, I just don’t want one. Idiot: Why not if you like them? You: I like Monster Trucks too, but you don’t see me pulling one out of my vagina. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/54 "2001-08-29T15:05:19Z")
> [@](#): > > Thanks, Tranquilis, you made my night. You’re welcome. _Any_ time. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/55 "2001-08-29T16:07:54Z")
Interesting thread. I don’t find the question of whether I will have a baby too rude…but maybe that is because I give the “right” answer. I am 30, I’ve been married for 3 years, and my husband and I plan to spawn within the next few years (if all goes according to plan.) Some folk start in on my rapidly advancing age–telling them that I have to get my mental illness under control before I can get pregnant usually works. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kirk280980](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c77e96/32.png) [@kirk280980](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kirk280980)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/56 "2001-08-30T01:10:39Z")
Hmmm… this is something I get asked often, and I must admit it does get old quickly. Fair enough, these things do get asked in general conversation sometimes. It’s just the constant quizzing that goes on afterwards, like I don’t know my own mind… **Nosey Co-worker:** “But you’re only 20… everyone says that when they’re your age!” **Me:** “Trust me, I know I won’t be doing either.” **NCW:** “How can you be so sure?” **Me:** “Because my future partner and I won’t be legally allowed to marry, or physically able to have kids.” **NCW:** “Oh, you mean…” **Me:** “Yep, you got it.” People usually stop asking questions by this point. I don’t know if it’s because they’ve now got all the info they need, or because they’ve embarassed themselves by finding out more than they bargained for. Either way, it works for me. And if they still don’t get the message, I just bluntly tell them that my private life isn’t up for discussion or debate. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722/57 "2001-08-30T01:51:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\*Interesting thread. I don’t find the question of whether I will have a baby too rude…but maybe that is because I give the “right” answer. \ \*\* Now, that is very interesting, and very telling about the attitudes of the types of people that grill other people about this subject. I pretty much know as soon as I am asked this question that the kind of person that would pry into my private life this way is the kind of person that is going to take my not wanting children as a personal insult and try to convert me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/here-we-go-again-baby-related/68722.md?page=2)