# Here's lookin' at you, JLo (Casablanca remake) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 12, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293 "2003-04-12T17:59:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/1 "2003-04-12T17:59:29Z")
Ye gods, I can’t believe I’m going to have to be the one to share this news, but here it goes. _[sub]wincing[/sub]_ Various sources ([1](http://www.canada.com/search/story.aspx?id=72a964e5-71c3-449a-8526-81c97ced9c6f), [2](http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30500-12281956,00.html), [3](http://www.oregonlive.com/living/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/living/104988930758580.xml)) suggest that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have secured a deal to remake _Casablanca_. :smack: I’m sure when I’m done being **violently ill** , I’ll be able to mock and make satirical comments at this venture. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/2 "2003-04-12T18:04:53Z")
Uh, mods, while not the OP’er, I humbly suggest that this thread be moved to the Pit so that all of us can properly express our opinion on the matter. ---
**Author:** ![RadioWave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RadioWave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadioWave)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/3 "2003-04-12T18:31:44Z")
Ye gods indeed. I believe the only way I can keep my sanity is to help them cast the remaining parts. In a daring move, the part of Captain Louis Renault which was ably played by Claude Rains will now feature the talents of Madonna herself. Signor Ferrari who was fleshed out by Sydney Greenstreet will now be performed by Paul Reubens, better known as PeeWee Herman. Sam: Was Dooley Wilson, now Gary Coleman. (He needs the work) Come on people, this could be the greatest movie **ever**! ---
**Author:** ![that\_darn\_cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/59ef9b/32.png) [@that\_darn\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/that_darn_cat)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/4 "2003-04-12T18:40:31Z")
I don’t even know what to say… ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/5 "2003-04-12T18:42:36Z")
About ten or fifteen years ago I started daydreaming about casing a shot-for-shot remake of _Casablanca_, trying to match current actor’s appearences to the classic cast. Note that I was just looking at appearence, _not_ acting ability. Note also that this was ten years ago, and some of my selections may be now a little long in the tooth… Rick - Bruce Willis, as long as he plays it straight (at the time, he was more known as a comic actor than an action character) Ilsa - Mariel Hemmingway or perhaps Isabella Rossellini Captain Renault - Roy Dotrice (who was playing Father on _Beauty and the Beast_) Berger (a minor member of the French Underground) - Harry Dean Stanton Ugarte – Joel Grey I’ve forgotten the rest of the cast – it was a while ago. Take a shot at it: Who could play Laslo, Ferrari, Sam, Major Strasser, Carl, Sasha, Yvonne, etc? ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/6 "2003-04-12T18:44:44Z")
This is why I voted for the :barfing: emoticon. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/7 "2003-04-12T18:46:12Z")
Possible good thing about this: it might just be bad enough to bring back Mystery Science Theater 3000. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/8 "2003-04-12T18:47:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mephisto \* > \*\*This is why I voted for the :barfing: emoticon. \*\* I think this may require the new :sepaku: emoticon. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/9 "2003-04-12T18:50:52Z")
It can’t be as bad as the [previous remake](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0115624) :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/10 "2003-04-12T18:53:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mockingbird \* > \*\*I think this may require the new :sepaku: emoticon. \*\* _Oooooh!_ I vote for that one! ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/11 "2003-04-12T18:59:36Z")
Oh, I suppose I should note for the record that any attempt to actually _make_ a new version of Casablanca is blasphemey. Or “Blast-Feemy” as Pogo once observed. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/12 "2003-04-12T19:02:07Z")
Well, Robert Redford already remade “Casablanca” under a different title in a different location: it was called “Havana.” If J. Lo wants to make a movie as bad as “Havana,” she’ll have her work cut out for her. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/13 "2003-04-12T19:09:26Z")
Anybody ever see the [TV series](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0084994)? ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/14 "2003-04-12T19:57:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mockingbird \* > \*\*I think this may require the new :sepaku: emoticon. \*\* Indeed. 🙂 Like **Tuckerfan** , I could bring myself to vote for that. ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/15 "2003-04-12T20:25:05Z")
By the gods, this shall not stand. Someone please explain to me how Jennifer Lopez, who is only moderately attractive, has no acting ability (at all, I mean this woman couldn’t ACT like she was in pain if Bugs Bunny dropped an anvil on her foot), can’t sing any better than half the crowd on any given karaoke night and is only a halfway decent dancer suddenly became the queen of all media with enough juice to get a remake of one of the greatest films ever into development. Ben is so-so as an actor, better than most of his detractors would claim, not as good as his paychecks would warrant. He seems to do good work only under the direction of Kevin Smith, and I’m certain Silent Bob ain’t directing this impending howler. It is blasphemy of the higest order, and the gods may soon awaken and smite the wicked. YAY smiting! ---
**Author:** ![brianmelendez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/65b543/32.png) [@brianmelendez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianmelendez)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/16 "2003-04-12T20:26:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\*Anybody ever see the [TV series](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0084994)? \*\* Anybody even remember it? What about [_As Time Goes by: A Novel of Casablanca_](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0446607452/qid=1050178638/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-7813490-3623923?v=glance&s=books) by Michael Walsh, a sequel/prequel? Or [_Scarlett: The Sequel to Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With the Wind_](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0446363251/qid=1050178406/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/104-7813490-3623923)? When you think of [_It’s a Wonderful Life_](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00005QCVY/qid=1050178932/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-7813490-3623923?v=glance&s=dvd), do you think of Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed? or [_It Happened One Christmas_](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0076213), the remake staring Wayne Rogers and Marlo Thomas? When you think of [_Miracle on 34th Street_](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00000K3CK/qid=1050178805/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_2/104-7813490-3623923?v=glance&s=dvd), do you think of Edmund Gwenn and Maureen O’Hara? or [Richard Attenborough and Elizabeth Perkins](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00004TS0E/qid=1050178750/sr=1-3/ref=sr_1_3/104-7813490-3623923?v=glance&s=dvd)? You get the idea. These things go the way that they deserve. We suffer through it for a season, then the imitation fades away, while the classic endures. “And this, too, shall pass away.” ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/17 "2003-04-12T20:32:42Z")
IS there no end to this woman’s ego!!! And if you feel forced to do this - PLEASE for the love of Og PLEASE try to find actors who can, how can I put this… oh yeah, Actors who can ACT, not the flavor of the month with her latest husband. Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/18 "2003-04-12T20:39:18Z")
I think it might be good if they recast… instead of JLo, use Matt Damon. It’s only natural… ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/19 "2003-04-12T20:51:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FallenAngel \* > …He seems to do good work only under the direction of Kevin Smith, and I’m certain Silent Bob ain’t directing this impending howler. Not so fast there, **FA** , that might work. Hmm… Rick: How can you close me up? On what grounds? Captain Renault: I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here. Rick: I’m not even supposed to be here today. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293/20 "2003-04-12T21:01:24Z")
Honestly who cares, it has no effect on the original. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-lookin-at-you-jlo-casablanca-remake/168293.md?page=2)