The Borowitz Report is a parody, published by the New Yorker.
Sorry to hear about it, garygnu, and I hope you heal up fast and clean.
If I could go back in time about thirty years, I’d certainly take your advice and not do all the sunbathing that I did back then like an idiot. I’m a blonde of Norwegian ancestry, and that was stupid of me. As punishment, I recently had to have a carcinoma (just basal cell) taken off my jaw, also.
We boomers are going to make the dermatologists extremely rich.
At 35, I’m firmly in the “Generation X” market, but also making them rich.
Good luck to you, too.
I tried to sunbathe as a teenager, but I never had the patience for it. Yay for my lack of patience! 
So, how’s the healing going, gary?
I get my stitches out tomorrow. I still have to take my pain meds every four hours or the pain grows from mild soreness to more acute pains in my neck. I’m still finding new places where I’m numb. My right ear is, parts of my chin, too. The worst inconvenience is I don’t open my mouth all the way on the right lower lip, so eating is difficult.
I can walk and talk and work, so it’s still relatively fine.
Why isn’t science working on curing cancer, anyway?
They really should get on that.
I’m almost two years on and still have trouble eating. My esophagus healed shut and had to be cut open. I will always have a ring of scar tissue constricting my throat. Can’t swallow anything larger than a kernel of corn. Takes a couple of hours to get down a solid meal. Thank god for protean shakes.
O God, the worst part about surgery! I hate urinary caths. Just let me pee on myself…
I know they have to measure output and blah blah blah, but the pain and irritation during and afterwards is just Hell
It’s satire. Borowitz is a comedic satirist.
For example,
So Speaker John Boehner may be an idiot, but he didn’t actually say “don’t get cancer” 
Saw that, yeah. Shows a lot about Boehner that I wouldn’t put it past him to say, though.
About insurance, I originally intended to warn people of the costs of cancer. My deductible/copay on the surgery, including the hospital’s pay-it-now discount, was $2000. It nearly wiped out my savings account. Fortunately I’m getting close to my out of pocket max this year, so the Interferon wont wipe me out.
I have insurance through my work and I’m not affected by ACA, but my condition belies the silly idea that uninsured folks can just go to the ER for whatever ails them.
That’s gonna be one wicked scar. Now you can tell girls you got that in a gang fight.
I was thinking a Schmiss from a Mensurschlager duel.
Rather than start a new thread, I’ll reanimate this one.
I can’t freaking taste anything! Following radiation treatments aimed at my neck, I couldn’t swallow anything for two weeks. Even swallowing saliva or water was the worst pain I’ve experienced in my life*, let alone any actual food. Yogurt and pudding saved me from losing any more than the 20 pounds I did lose.
Now than I can eat real food… I can’t taste it. Meat: cardboard. Cheese: cardboard. Bread: worse than cardboard. It just doesn’t feel like food in my mouth. I can taste the very faintest of salt and sweet, but that’s about it. How do people do this? I’m forcing myself to eat protein, and stocking up on anything I find that I can taste (like chocolate:D).
OK, I’ll stop complaining now.
*: Maybe the catheter was worse.
I’m scared shit of cancer.
Man, that sucks. Do the medicos have any idea if this is permanent or if not how long it might last?
Interestingly, just this morning I heard people discussing “miracle fruit” (you know, that stuff that makes you temporarily taste sour as sweet) as something that helped cancer patients have a better experience with eating, but I don’t know if that’ll do anything for someone lacking much of any ability to taste. Maybe you can use it to get a little more sweet flavor?
My former neighbor is somewhere in the midst of conquering throat cancer. Like you, he’s lost all sense of taste due to the radiation. There’s hope that his taste buds may recover. What little I know of this, it seems to be dose-dependent, and if your taste buds will come back to life, it’s usually in the six weeks to six months range.
Other than that, there’s no way to sugar-coat it. Cancer sucks.
Sweet is one flavor I can still slightly taste, so sugar coating is perfect for me right now.
Some patients have found zinc supplements helpful in restoring the sense of taste.
I won’t bother with cites because there’s a little research and a lot of folklore; your doctor will be better able to advise you.