# Here's Your Sign **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 2, 2004, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158 "2004-05-02T16:10:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/1 "2004-05-02T16:10:06Z")
[Bill Engvall](http://shop.store.yahoo.com/laughstore/billengvall.html) is a comedian and one of his schticks is the “Here’s Your Sign” routine. Basically, people who ask stupid questions should be made to wear signs to warn the rest of us. We’ve all been guilty of it, and Ivylad had a prime one the other night. He’d recently bought new stainless steel coffee travel mugs, because the ones we had didn’t fit the cup holders in our respective cars. He told me that his had fit, but I told him mine was still to big for my car. To which he asked, “Was the base too big?” :eek: “No, ding-a-ling,” I replied, laughing. “I tried to put it upside down, but the coffee spilled all over the console. Here’s your sign.” He fell out of the chair laughing as he realized what he’d said. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/2 "2004-05-02T18:08:00Z")
Sometimes I have so many signs, I can barely walk around. :rolleyes: (we need an embarrassed smilie) ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/3 "2004-05-02T18:15:42Z")
Oh! Oh! I’ve got a classic one from my ex after learning I was pregnant for the second time. Ahem, and I’m not making this up… He said, “How’d that happen?” :smack: Mind you, this is a college educated man. Sheesh!! :wally ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/4 "2004-05-02T19:53:05Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > Sometimes I have so many signs, I can barely walk around. :rolleyes: (we need an embarrassed smilie) :o. Here’s your sign. ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/5 "2004-05-02T23:30:17Z")
I maintain that that smiley is not embarrassed. It’s sleepy! ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/6 "2004-05-03T01:02:20Z")
A friend of mine told her doctor that her mother was 13 pounds when she was born. The doctor asked if she survived. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/7 "2004-05-03T01:35:49Z")
This is all my classmates: I was a blonde for about 2 years, then I changed back to my natural shade of dark brown one Friday. So I came to school the next Monday, and all day people were asking, “ **flamingbananas** , did you dye your hair?” :smack: So after about 10 people said that, I started to say “No, it was always this color. Your eyes just can’t process the color brown. Here’s your sign” Only, people didn’t get it, since I go to school with a bunch of dumbasses. So they walked away. Which solved my problem with annoying people. BTW, I love the smack smiley. It fits so well. ---
**Author:** ![Beauty\_Personified](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@Beauty\_Personified](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beauty_Personified)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/8 "2004-05-03T05:25:47Z")
Re: :o > [@a35362](#): > > I maintain that that smiley is not embarrassed. It’s sleepy! I also do not think that that emoticon represents embarrassment well at all. In fact, I’ve brought up that fact in the “About This Message Board” message board. IMO, it looks more like someone about to pleasure someone else. The so-called “roll eyes/sarcastic” emoticon ( :rolleyes: ) looks more embarrassed. If there was a yellow version of that one, but with red cheeks, then we’d have it. We could also use an “evil/mischievious” emoticon. My suggestion - take the “mad” emoticon ( :mad: ), replace the frown with a smile, and add two horns… Anyhoo… ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/9 "2004-05-03T14:47:45Z")
Ooh, I am going to like this thread. hehe I’ve got a good one. My boyfriend and I went to a huge surplus furniture sale at a complex here in Ottawa last summer. The line was easily a couple of blocks long as they were only letting in 10-20 people at a time. We were about 200 people from the front of the line. There was a teen aged boy and his father infront of us. A guy walked up to the people in front of us and said “What are you waiting in line for?” The teen aged kid, without missing a beat, said “To get in” :smack: His dad started laughing, as did everyone around him, my boyfriend and I included, but the kid still didn’t get it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/10 "2004-05-03T16:30:00Z")
_The Blue Collar Comedy Tour_ was on Comedy Central again yesterday. I finally got my butt in gear and ordered a Ron White _Drunk in Public_ CD. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/11 "2004-05-03T16:50:51Z")
The timing of this thread boggles my mind. I was so excited last Thursday - I was actually thinking on my feet and got to use my _first ever_ Bill Engvall snappy comeback. I almost started a thread about it. We were standing outside watching a guy mow the grass by the parking lot when a maintenance guy walked up to him and asked, ‘Ya mowing?’ I said, ‘Nope. He’s collecting that grass for his sheep. I’ve got a sign in my office if you want one.’ I was so proud of myself. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/12 "2004-05-03T16:59:44Z")
**ivylass** , you know, they call hin _Tater Salad_! 😃 He cracks me up! ---
**Author:** ![SkyClad72724](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@SkyClad72724](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyClad72724)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/13 "2004-05-03T17:20:53Z")
I’ve got the epitome of stupid questions… “If the north won the war, why wasn’t Hitler president?” :eek: No joke. And she was dead serious!! This is a junior in _high school_!! The year before, her question was (again being dead serious): “How does the Statue of Liberty float?” :smack: _It’s on an island_ “Well, how does the island float?” _It’s held up by strings_ “Then why can’t you see the strings on the post cards?” _They’re edited out_ She should not only have a sign, but it should be as big as her in bold letters with seqins, so _nobody_ can miss it. ---
**Author:** ![RainGrowsBrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@RainGrowsBrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RainGrowsBrite)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/14 "2004-05-03T18:05:13Z")
Im not sure if this qualifies being that it isnt a question… but I thought I would throw it out there because it drives me bonkers. When im out and about, people constantly come up to me and anounce, “You’re tall.” (I’m 5"10 and female). I just look at them like their idiots and say, “I am??? Oh my god!!” It gets so annoying. Like, yes, i am aware if the fact that i’m tall, but thanks for letting me know. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/15 "2004-05-03T20:51:34Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > **ivylass** , you know, they call hin _Tater Salad_! Don’t forget his son, _tater tot_ ! I was about to watch it this weekend, but my parents get mad, since I have seen it like 5 times. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2004, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/16 "2004-05-03T23:12:11Z")
During the routine discussion with a new doc: _Madame Doc:_ Are you on any medications? _Me:_ Yes. I take Aricept. **I was 29 at the time…** ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/17 "2004-05-04T00:21:52Z")
Here’s my favorite ‘I need a sign’ moment… My friend was getting married at an exclusive and ritzy place on the beach called the Jonathan Club. Well, the directions were hard to follow, and there were no obvious signs, but I pulled into a driveway that I thought might be the correct one. There was a valet attendant there, and as I pulled up beside him, I opened my mouth and asked ‘Is this the Jonathan Club?’ Well, as the words are leaving my mouth I’m looking at this person and it’s registering in my brain that this guy is wearing a hat, a jacket and a shirt, all of which have the words ‘Jonathan Club’ embroidered on them. He’s also standing next to a sign that says ‘Jonathan Club Valet Parking’. D’oh! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/18 "2004-05-04T00:54:20Z")
I was eating lunch at work with a buddy of mine and I asked him what kind of sandwich it was that he was eating. His reply was… “Its like a pimento cheese sandwich, but without those little red things in it.” I said… “That woud be pimentos DUMMY!” Heres your sign. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/19 "2004-05-04T04:10:06Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > [Bill Engvall](http://shop.store.yahoo.com/laughstore/billengvall.html) is a comedian and one of his schticks is the “Here’s Your Sign” routine. Basically, people who ask stupid questions should be made to wear signs to warn the rest of us. This sounds like a spin-off from an old Gallagher routine (or vice versa). Gallagher’s idea was to issue paint-ball guns to all drivers. When a fellow motorist had a dumbass attack on the roadway, you’d splat their car with a paintball. When you saw a car with a ton of paint splats, you knew to stay very far away. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2004, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158/20 "2004-05-04T04:20:21Z")
I remember the Gallagher idea a little differently; if someone cut you off or performed some other act of vehicular mayhem you shot the car with a suction-cup tipped dart which had a flag that read “Idiot.” If a cop saw a car with more then three of these attached he pulled the driver over and gave him a ticket for being an asshole. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heres-your-sign/243158.md?page=2)