# He's Baaaack! Ted Haggard Returns **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 12, 2009, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885 "2009-01-12T06:33:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/1 "2009-01-12T06:33:56Z")
[“From the wilderness.”](http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2009-01-09-haggard-comeback_N.htm?csp=usat.me) And, he’s got some _interesting_ things to say, it seems. > [@](#): > > During a guest sermon last November at a friend’s church in Illinois, Haggard said a co-worker of his father molested him when he was 7, an experience that “ **started to produce fruit** ” later. Clarifying that Friday, Haggard said: “I’m certainly not saying that because of that, I did this. I did what I did by my choice, and I’m responsible for it.” _(bolding mine)_ > [@](#): > > Asked whether he could define his sexual identity, Haggard said: “The stereotypical boxes don’t work for me. My story’s got some gray areas in it. And, of course, I’m sad about that but it’s the reality.” > [@](#): > > “If what I have is helpful to other people, then I want to make that available to them,” he said. Uh, isn’t that kind of how you got in trouble to begin with? > [@](#): > > Haggard also plans to launch a nonprofit group to help the poor and needy, his website says. As for a return to pastoring a church, Haggard said: “I have learned enough to know a lot can happen to anybody. **And when Jesus is our Lord, we can’t plan our path.** ” _(bolding mine)_ Translation: Gawd likes fucking with people. So, why, exactly, should we worship a Gawd who makes a hobby of screwing with folks just because he’s bored? > [@](#): > > Haggard on Friday said his family is grateful for the severance, but he was angry for being forced to leave Colorado Springs as one condition. He also challenged the church’s statement that he halted a process meant to restore him, saying he still receives counseling. I bet he does. (I put this in the Pit, since folks like Haggard tend to generate colorful commentary.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/2 "2009-01-12T06:54:49Z")
He’s here, he’s queer. Get used to it. He’s back, he’s whack. Get used to it. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/3 "2009-01-12T06:57:38Z")
I dunno, Tuck. I’m not seein’ it. What is he being pitted for? Sounds surprisingly honest to me. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/4 "2009-01-12T07:06:44Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > I dunno, Tuck. I’m not seein’ it. What is he being pitted for? Sounds surprisingly honest to me. Still denying he did drugs is “surprisingly honest” to you? Howzabout what’s at the end of the article: > [@](#): > > Of Mike Jones, his accuser, Haggard said: “I know he’s gone through a lot. When he said he had to say something, I believe it. And I think that was God encouraging him to do that.” > > Jones said Friday he considers Haggard a salesman seeking attention for his business. > > “I know he’s apologized to his church and family, blah, blah,” Jones said. “But the people he hurt is the gay community, and he’s never apologized to the gay community. He owes that.” > > Haggard has said his childhood experiences, including same-sex “sex play” with friends when he was in the seventh grade, started to manifest themselves when he turned 50, a few months before the scandal. That conflicts with Jones’ statement that Haggard paid him for sex for three years. Haggard on Friday declined to discuss the discrepancy. Still sound “surprisingly honest”? ---
**Author:** ![GLWasteful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f05b48/32.png) [@GLWasteful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GLWasteful)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/5 "2009-01-12T13:39:43Z")
I wouldn’t say that he was surprisingly honest by a long shot. And in reading some of his quotes, it appears he wants it both ways (puerile giggle on my part cheerfully acknowledged) insofar as he seems to be blaming an alleged incident when he was a child for his actions as an adult, but the one thing that does impress me is him saying that sexuality is confusing and complex and that he has stood up and claimed responsibility for his actions. Now, I believe that sexuality **can be** confusing and complex, and I believe that there is a difference in those two statements, and I wish that he would man up in regards the timeline and may very well never get past his slagging on homosexuality while indulging himself. As well, I think that Mike Jones nailed it when he said that Haggard is a salesman looking to pitch his business. But overall, this is not the sort of return from Haggard that I anticipated. Frankly, I expected something more along the lines of, “I’m fully cured, and so can you be with my new program!” So, it’s a better start than I would have expected, but still falls short of where I think it should be. And I still think he is one creepy looking guy. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/6 "2009-01-12T19:30:50Z")
Wait a second. **When Jesus is our Lord, we can’t plan our path**. What the hell! Jesus is in the Zoning Commission now? That explains everything and nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/7 "2009-01-12T20:10:06Z")
Yeah he is, and that Fucker has shot down my fencing variance three times now. That’s it, where can I find a lion?.. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/8 "2009-01-12T21:57:09Z")
Jesus Christ, it’s a lion! Get back in the gay bar. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/9 "2009-01-12T22:00:20Z")
Jesus Christ is a lion? I thought that was only in the Narnia movies? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/10 "2009-01-12T22:44:48Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Jesus Christ, it’s a lion! Get back in the gay bar. We can’t! It’s full of bears! ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/11 "2009-01-13T01:15:14Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > We can’t! It’s full of bears! Kitties and Puppies. No bears! > **[Gay Bar by Electric Six - sung by flying Viking Kittens - animation by Joel...](http://www.rathergood.com/gaybar/)** ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/12 "2009-01-13T01:42:39Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > Wait a second. **When Jesus is our Lord, we can’t plan our path**. > > What the hell! > > Jesus is in the Zoning Commission now?.. and nothing. Exactly. Haggard and Jesus can’t plan Haggard’s path, because that would be a conflict of interest, and he would have to, like, recuse himself from judging him. Haggard can only judge others – millions of them! ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-baaaack-ted-haggard-returns/480885/13 "2009-01-13T02:37:51Z")
I’m starting to wonder whether the boxes apply to anyone. Everyone is adamant they don’t work for him or her.