# He's Four Years Old. So Far, So Good **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269 "2004-05-03T12:30:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/81 "2004-05-05T10:51:52Z")
> [@Bumbazine](#): > > I swear Johnny Depp was doing a gay pirate, with makeup by Tammy Faye Bakker, but it worked as well as the rest of the movie, so 2 thumbs up. My kid got _Pirates_ for a gift, and it included a second disk with interviews and behind-the-scenes and stuff like that. They talked with Johnny D about his character and he said he used Keith Richards as a role model for Jack Sparrow. I don’t know enough about Keith Richards to see it, but I didn’t really get a gay vibe from the character. I got more arrogance. But what do I know - I considered setting up a coworker with a friend, and several years later, I found out he was gay. So it wouldn’t have worked out, would it? So anyway, I finally have my official job confirmation. I should get my travel orders today. My last day at work is May 14. My first day on the new job is May 24. Life is good! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/82 "2004-05-05T11:47:08Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **welby** don’t forget the spotlight so you can shine some deer at night while yer ridin’ around throwing empty beer bottles at road signs. Sheesh! Some people don’t know how to act in a truck do they? Naw. We throw the empties at Yuppie cars. We shoot the road signs. Gotta keep them road signs in thier place, ya know? ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/83 "2004-05-05T11:54:17Z")
It’s funny Johnny Depp got brought up since he was over at the house last night. We were getting dinner readdy when the doorbell rang. It was Johnny Depp! We sat him down and got the rest of the dinner ready. When we were putting the food on the table Lucy (who is my dog) was scavenging under the counter and started to crunch something up. The Little Woman looks at me and asks “What is your dog doing?” So me being all helpful tell her “Eatin’ somethin’.” You know what happened then? She _rolled her eyes at me_! She asks me a question and I answer it to the best of my abilities and I get an _eye roll_ for my troubles! Is that fair, I ask you? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/84 "2004-05-05T12:03:40Z")
> [@welby](#): > > Naw. We throw the empties at Yuppie cars. We shoot the road signs. Gotta keep them road signs in thier place, ya know? I like the throwing empties at yuppie cars idea. My sister gave me several cds of what we’uns like to call southern redneck rock. If I listen to them in my truck I get a strong urge ride around drinking beer and throwing bottles. (I don’t do that though. Drinkin’ and drivin’ is bad) Hmmmm… that doesn’t sound very gay does it? Just call me a gay redneck. 😃 > [@Bumbazine](#): > > Actually it was more like a street riot with furniture. I like this idea too. It’s like a way to riot in comfort. I must organize (does one organize a riot?) one soon. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/85 "2004-05-05T12:34:04Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I like this idea too. It’s like a way to riot in comfort. I must organize (does one organize a riot?) one soon. One _incites_ a riot. One _organizes_ a cotillion. - From the book _Things Every Gay Southern Man Should Know_ ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/86 "2004-05-05T13:38:55Z")
Couple-three things: 1. I wanna hang with **Bumbazine**. And **swampy**. And **Shibb** and **FairyChatMom**. And all the rest of ya, frankly. But mostly **Bumbazine** , 'cause he’s like six kinds of fun. I don’t know if I could stomach **welby** , but he can’t stand me either, so I figure it’s a wash (I’ll admit that he’s on the side of Truth and Justice on this one. He’s witty and clever; I’m just mean.). 2. The Grand Hyatt is _not_ the tackiest hotel in Manhattan. Trust me on this. 3. My F-150 is a deep maroon sort of red, not the fire-engine type. Do I lose points or something? 4. I had high hopes for _Master and Commander_ but I keep hearing bad things and it’s just depressing. I don’t know if I want to see it any more. I read all of Forrester’s Hornblower novels when I was a kid, and I’ve gone through about half of Pope’s Ramage novels (I can’t find the other half). I love the genre and it kills me that one crappy movie might kill its mainstream potential. This sucks. 5. I don’t particularly care for Johnny Depp. Uh, that’s all I got. I’ll try to do better when the fever breaks. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/87 "2004-05-05T13:42:51Z")
Huh. Johnny Depp showed up at your place, **Rue**? Did he bring his kids? Are you going to ship him to me or to **Kallessa**? Either one would be fine. Of course I’d prefer me. And if Viggo Mortenson ever randomly shows up, it would be great if you could ship him here. I’ve got a co-worker who’s in love with him. w00t! Mr. Lissar got a removable plastic brace yesterday! It’s very neat. I want cheesecake. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/88 "2004-05-05T13:53:20Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > One _incites_ a riot. One _organizes_ a cotillion. > > - From the book _Things Every Gay Southern Man Should Know_ Ok, I just gotta know. Why _did_ you read this book? **Ex** are you sick? Poor thing! **Lissa** why does your husband need a removeable plastic brace and why are you excited by it? **Rue** what was Lucy crunching? -swampbear (all nosy) ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/89 "2004-05-05T14:16:24Z")
Uh, yeah, that’s it. I’m sick. Acute attack of stupid. I’m sure there’s an over-the-counter remedy for that. The “fever” comment was a reference to the insane activity level around here today, which I didn’t eplain properly because I’m insanely busy. I probably shouldn’t be posting, but this board keeps me tracking. Sorry about that. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/90 "2004-05-05T14:53:30Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > Uh, yeah, that’s it. I’m sick. > > Acute attack of stupid. I’m sure there’s an over-the-counter remedy for that. > > The “fever” comment was a reference to the insane activity level around here today, which I didn’t eplain properly because I’m insanely busy. I probably shouldn’t be posting, but this board keeps me tracking. Sorry about that. I’m glad you’re not sick **Ex**. See, I’m just gettin’ over a cold and I have been sittin’ in front of my puter an awful lot this past week and a half. I was afraid I had leaked a cold out on the internet. The dreaded **swamp virus!!!** :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/91 "2004-05-05T15:07:40Z")
No one knows what Lucy was eating. It was very crunchy, but she’s not saying just what it was and it wasn’t seen again. It was just Johnny. He came over for dinner, then left. Something about something and something. He is a Big Star and very busy you know. Not the kind of person that will just sit still and let your wrap him in bubble wrap and stick him in a box and mail him off to friends of yours. You could whap him on the noggin with a pipe wrench and then he’d stay still for it, but when I went to the garage to retrieve said pipe wrench, John had already flown the coup. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/92 "2004-05-05T16:43:54Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > It was just Johnny. He came over for dinner, then left. Something about something and something. He is a Big Star and very busy you know. Not the kind of person that will just sit still and let your wrap him in bubble wrap and stick him in a box and mail him off to friends of yours. You could whap him on the noggin with a pipe wrench and then he’d stay still for it, but when I went to the garage to retrieve said pipe wrench, John had already flown the coup. Silly man! You don’t wrap big stars with bubble wrap–you’ve got to use packing peanuts! You use bubble wrap for blondes. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/93 "2004-05-05T16:51:16Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > Silly man! You don’t wrap big stars with bubble wrap–you’ve got to use packing peanuts! > > You use bubble wrap for blondes. Yeah, but see, if **Rue** used bubble wrap to mail Johnny Depp to ya you’d have bubble wrap to pop and Johnny Depp. What could be better? [sub]Actually I ain’t a big fan of Johnny Depp but the bubble wrap would be fun.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/94 "2004-05-05T17:01:19Z")
I’ve got no use for Jonny Depp either, **swampy** , but I’d have thought you’d be more sympathetic. He did make that “gay pirate” movie after all. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/95 "2004-05-05T17:01:27Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > I don’t know if I could stomach **welby** , but he can’t stand me either, so I figure it’s a wash (I’ll admit that he’s on the side of Truth and Justice on this one. He’s witty and clever; I’m just mean.) Aww **Ex** , don’t get your panties in a wad. You’re one of my favorite Dopers, despite the fact that you’re a Meanie McFartybreath. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/96 "2004-05-05T17:10:05Z")
Have I been taking the “gratuitous insult” thing too far? I could just knock it off, because it isn’t as much fun as it used to be for some reason. You and I don’t have any really good exchanges anymore, and I think it’s because of poking-eack-other-with-sticks thing. I guess it’s kind of a worn out joke. I’m gonna’ miss “Tablecloth Boy” though. That was truly juvenile. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/97 "2004-05-05T17:12:02Z")
When I’m mailed, I prefer those foam blocks with cut out spaces. Peanuts get stuck in my hair and bubble wrap is just _not_ slimming. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/98 "2004-05-05T18:28:24Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > When I’m mailed, I prefer those foam blocks with cut out spaces. Peanuts get stuck in my hair and bubble wrap is just _not_ slimming. I dunno. When I get bored while being mailed I kinda like popping a few bubbles. **Ex** being as I am a cheap ass gay redneck I haven’t seen the movie. I doubt that a gay Johnny Depp would appeal to me. He just ain’t my type. **Angel Pants** does have some (albeit very few) standards ya know. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/99 "2004-05-05T18:44:51Z")
OK, this MMP is starting to bog down. What can I inject to liven it up? I could tell a joke, but I’m drawing a blank right now. I could recite a poem, but I don’t feel particularly poetical. I could toss out alleged insults that **Ex** and **welby** told me about each other, but that would be trolling and I’m so damned nice, I’d never stoop to that. I could tell you more about my pending move, but it’s still in limbo, paperwork wise. Ummmm, the weather here is lovely - sunny, breezy, mid-70s. That’s pretty dull. I could tell you I’m posting nekkid, but it’s a lie, as far as you know. Nope. Sorry. I got nothing. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269/100 "2004-05-05T18:50:56Z")
Well, sometimes, when I am at home alone and all the blinds are closed and the garage door is closed, I do post nekkid. How’s that for lovening things up? 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-four-years-old-so-far-so-good/243269.md?page=6)